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The \I can't have kids"Support Group"""

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by slippeddisc, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Thanks Lady Nefarious. Really positive contribution. Perhaps when you understand what the hell some people on here are going through you can post something more productive.
    There is nothing bad about people not wanting children but something you'll never understand is how it feels to have friends who merely don't want children at an inconvenient moment. That really hurts. Most people can plan a pregnancy at the right moment or can choose not to have children but for some of us it is not that easy and that agony is something some people will never understand.


    As for my day today. My friend had her baby (a little girl as expected). Both are doing well thankfully. I spent last night absolutely in a mess. I thought I was ok at school this morning but I ended up being sent home. I just couldn't be there. Hasn't helped to be at home though. I feel ****.
     
  2. Raychee - like you I adopted because of infertility. It is the best thing ever to have happened to me. She is the light of my life. Congratulations and good luck.
     
  3. Scunnered - Thanks. :) I am so excited that we're finally on the adoption road. We know it will be worthwhile in the end.

     
  4. slippeddisc - I really didn't mean to cause offence, but my opinions are my opinions and I'm entitled to have them. I can't have children either - I have severe PCOS. I just also happen not to want them. My OH goes through this agony that you speak of. He has not (or cannot) accept that I cannot nor want marriage or children. I imagine that he does go through a lot of pain.

    From seeing him, I understand that it must hurt like hell to want children and not have them, but do you have any idea of the hurtful comments made by people about people who don't want children too?

    You're seen as a total freak, an outcast, your family and friends look down on you, even though they say they don't and most people are incredibly patronising "Oh, you'll change your mind one day" etc etc

    You get sympathy and rightly so. I get abuse for no good reason.

    My point on the previous post was that it is not fair to blame people who don't want children at a certain time in their lives. Their lives are not yours and because you would see a pregnancy as a blessing, not all do. You have to think about the flip side of the situation. My friend recently killed herself after having her fourth child because of severe post-natal depression. Not the child's fault obviously, but something tragic that arose out of her bearing a child. She has a family aged 19-1 1/2 who are now motherless. There was another case where a mother killed herself after having twins by walking into the middle of the motorway.

    Like I say, there is a flip side.
     
  5. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Fair points. I apologise for my snap judgements.
    No excuse but I'm going through a sh1t time at the moment and don't know where to turn. Sorry.
     
  6. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    How do I cope with dealing with absolutely sh1tty parents who are useless while inwardly wanting to scream into a pillow. I'm tired of pathetic parents who allow their children to skive off or come in f ing and blinding about their angel of a child who is no angel.
    Today took the biscuit. I had one child off because he fell and cut his knee on the way to school. He's year 5 and his friends said there wasn't even a scratch.
    One mum came in f ing and blinding about the optional sats but when I said that she was perfectly entitled to say her daughter wasn't going to do them she demanded that I teach her daughter while the others are doing the tests...how would that work?

    Finally at 3.15pm at the end of the day one of my tough cookies came and gave me a note from her dad basically saying I was a terrible teacher and that I was not to tell her off again. Why she didn't give me the note earlier I don't know because when I tried to ring they weren't in and now it looks like I didn't respond to the note.
    grrrrr.

    The irony is these parents will continue to have children who will become the same kind of parent in years to come. Nothing seems fair at the moment.
     
  7. My best friend has pcos. She is desperate for children, I don;t want them yet, and feel dreadful about it. I know she doesn't resent me, but I feel like I can't talk to het about having children in the future as I really don't want to upset her.
    My aunt was told she would never have children (same thing) and while going through the adoption process she fell pregnant at nearly 40 and had a lovely healthy baby, so there is a minute chance.
    There is a difference btween not wanting and not being able to have!!!
     
  8. Slippeddisc - I'm sorry you're having a tough time at the moment. *hugs*

    Crappy parent's get on my nerves too - my mum used to work in a nursery a few days a week and the number of bad parents out there is unreal.

    It doesn't seem fair that people who have their heads screwed on and who would be good parents should be denied the chance to be.
     
  9. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Did anyone see the program on 4 tonight about families wanting 13+ kids?
    I couldn't help but watch it but it was bloody awful. Some of the parents clearly had mental health issues. One woman was bullied into having more children by a man who was desperate for attention. It was sickening.
     
  10. Did not watch it, would have probably been too upsetting.

    Kids made me cry this week (but not in front of them). In PSE lesson with my form group the topic was "Plans I have for my life". They had to think about education, work and personal stuff and fill in a timeline. Well, when it came to the personal timeline (getting married, buy house, have children...) they started asking me "Miss, you are 28, when are you going to have kids?". Knife through my chest and 50 eyes staring at me for an answer. I told them that some people don't want children, even though they love them. Couldn't tell the truth (and would have probably been unprofessional). Thank God it was lunch break after that lesson, I was a mess.
     
  11. I can't really join this club because I did manage to have one child but lost another and was told that I would never be able to become pregnant again. When I went to have the D&C after the miscarriage, they put me in a ward full of teenagers having abortions. Sensitive sister moved me to another ward. Would have loved to have more children so my heart goes out to you all and I appreciate my daughter even more.
     
  12. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    How is everyone doing at the moment?
     
  13. Not good. I do the same thing to myself every 6 weeks or so. I have very irregular period so I dont have one for about 6 weeks start getting all excited, start looking up early pregnancy symptoms online, convince myself for about 3 days then period arrives I get all angry, teary and 'this is never going to happen for me and its not fair' and OH gets very confused that I've temporarily gone mental.

    GRRRRR at the mo I'm trying to convince myself that have kids is not important, that I have a lovely OH, a great lifestyle, lots of spare cash from not having kids and a job I love so i should be greatful.

    Hows about you slippeddisc?
     
  14. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    awww nan. I'm sorry. That must be really difficult. I'm thinking of you. Available on email if you want to chat more privatly.
    slippeddisc@live.co.uk

    I'm actually pretty good at the moment. I go through stages of utter desperation where I don't know how I'll cope but luckily the past week or so have been good.
     
  15. I'm really having to get used to the idea that we may never have the family we want and it is possible THE most terrible thing I have ever had to deal with! My amazing husband and I have been trying for the past 5 years seriously and probably 3-4 yrs before that when we didn't take any real notice of contraception! I'm now starting my second cycle of clomid and my period today is heavier than I have ever experiences (I'm quite scared and worried as I feel sick and very dizzy)

    One of the biggest problems is that other people here are constantly pregnant or have young children. I have often joked that over the past 5 years we have constantly had people on maternity, pregnant or just returning to work; it makes my situation all the more difficult and we have decided not to tell people here (ie my situation) as it could cause problems plus I don't think I can stand the constant are you or not questions!!!!

    Constantly having to be enthusiastic abt other new babies is killing me. I'm now finding myself getting emotional for no real reason when one of the children in school do something that is sweet! Just hearing the school sing got to me yesterday!

    Maybe this post will help, I hope so.....
     
  16. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    One of my best friends had twins yesterday.

    I don't want children still, or at the very least I won't be in a situation in which I'd want to bring children in time.


    I feel strange.
     
  17. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

  18. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Thanks slippeddisc - you have mail!
     
  19. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    How are you lilac?
     
  20. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Fine thanks!

    Thanks for you email too.
     

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