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The \I can't have kids"Support Group"""

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by slippeddisc, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    As much as I appreciate success stories it is hard to read. For some of us it is certain that we can't have kids.
     
  2. Hugs to all.

    I was devastated when I was told I wouldn't be able to have children biologically, but it turned out to be the kick up the **** I needed to really think about what I did want. I knew I wanted to have a child and I wasn't actually bothered about having a pregnancy (for which I am grateful, since I know that is not so easy for everyone to move past).

    I assumed one day I would meet Mr. Right and have children. Once I knew that I couldn't I finally also realised that I didn't need to wait for the bloke. Nice as it would be to be in a relationship, I knew I was capable - and willing - to go it alone.

    My daughter was 6 months old when I met her in her orphanage, and is home now the past 4 months. We celebrated her first birthday last month. (She is not adopted in the UK as I work in eastern europe).

    Adoption is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yes it's hard as a single parent (and living in a foreign country), but I can't wait to add a sibling ! :)
     
  3. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Feeling very teary today. Grrrrr.
     
  4. Just wanted to say hugs to all. About 18 years ago I had a fibroid removed, it's presence meant that conception would be problematic. Just before the op, I was warned that a hysterectomy was possible and I was devestated - I signed the consent form but added taht if the fibroid was attached to the lining of the womb I wanted to be sown back up again with the fibroid intact.
    I was extremely lucky and now have three kids.
    I'm not gloating, just wanted to offer hope.

    Slippeddisc, I have no wise words to offer. I can't imagine what you go through and reading the posts here has made me think about times I was maybe insensitive to colleagues with no kids, I'll certainly not make that mistake again.
    best wishes to you all, x
     
  5. Maddi, I am in tears...
     
  6. janemk

    janemk New commenter

    So am I, and I haven't tried to have kids yet

    :eek:(
     
  7. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    ****. Even the words empty arms had me before I started watching it. The thought of being destined for empty arms is ... well there are no words.
    I may end up an Aunt but that won't be enough. Nothing will be enough.
    Nothing...
     
  8. what a very moving power point, very emotional. Lots of love and support for you all out there, xx
     
  9. I'm really struggling today - just can't stop crying and feel like an idiot. Lots of baby talk at school and sat here watch Britains Youngest Grannies - don't know why I'm torturing myself with this stupid programme but can't turn over.

    grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Really Really wanna scream and cry my leg off.
     
  10. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    God. I've been there. I'm really sorry. x
     
  11. Was very teary last night. It was merman's sisters (sorry, no clue about apostrophes) 60th birthday and the whole big (catholic Irish) family gathered. Since the last get together about half a year ago five babies were born, amongst them a beautiful pair of girl twins and merman's two daughters (for the ones who don't know, he is a tat older than me) also had a child each. Everyone was like "Ooooh, look at my pretty baby" or "Can I hold her/him?". I kept quiet in the corner, but when I went out for a fag it all came out. Merman tries to be supportive, but it is not helping. I am also so jealous, he has children and grandchildren and I won't have my own with him. I sat next to his niece afterwards who also won't have kids with her husband due to a genetic defect in his family and they don't want to pass it on. It was a relief not to talk the baby talk, but I think we both knew that innerly it killed us to look at all those happy parents. I am not much better yet. It is so hard... =(
     
  12. oh mermiad, I didn't know you couldn't have a baby, may I ask why? You are only young, are you not??

    (((mermaid)))
     
  13. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    really sorry mermaid. How are you now?
    My oldest friend is due any day and that's killing me at the moment. So happy for her and at the same time really gutted so I know exactly how you feel.
    Email me if you'd like to.
    slippeddisc@live.co.uk
     
  14. I got PCOS. My sisters were both able to have children with IVF, but I don't want to / can't go down this route due to finances and mermans age. I know that MEG (madenglishgirl) was able to get pregnant, but it took her 10 years and that would really be irresponsible. Merman would be in his sixties by then and it would not be fair on the child.
    Know how you feel, slippe. On the one hand you are so happy for them on the other... The good weather and a nice long walk helped clear my mind. I know I will be ok again, but then the setback will come again. Thanks for your email. I will write it down. Mine is merymaid@hotmail.co.uk if you ever feel like it.
     
  15. slippeddisc

    slippeddisc New commenter

    Thanks mermaid. I will email you when I'm in a better 'place'. My best friend is 4cm dialated after 18 hours and I am literally pacing and trying not to let myself go completely. I'm so happy for her but I can't stop grinding my teeth and tearing my hair out to stop myself completely loosing it. I can't let myself lose the plot this week, I just can't. I'm happy for her, I really am but even though I've known for 7 months that this day would come it's killing me.
     
  16. Come to join you lot.
    It's so unfair isn't it? I work at a school where loads of the kids are neglected and parents drank / took drugs / smoked heavily in pregnancies and they all have about 5 kids! And here we are struggling to have any. Trying to resign myself to fact that I'll never have any. It's hard though. Also am only child so my inability to have children means no grandchildren for my parents :-(
    Finding out best friend is pregnant is last straw. Why is it so hard to be happy for someone who is meant to be your best friend? Find it much easier when it's someone not so close. I wouldn't mind so much if I could think "Oh well, one day it will happen for us" but without going into too much detail have been told that any pregnancy would be extremely high risk for me or baby and baby likely to be stillborn / have terrible birth defects. Can't face that responsibility and would be selfish to bring a possibly very disabled child into the world.

    Hope everyone's doing ok xxxx
     
  17. Thought I'd come along too!

    I lost my fertility due to cancer just before my 30th birthday. Thankfully I'm now 5 years clear, and people seem to think that we should be grateful for what we've got, not looking at what we can't have. Maybe they're right in some ways, but it's easy to have that opinion when it isn't you, and you have 3 beautiful, healthy children.

    I suppose I knew very early on in my cancer journey that children weren't going to happen naturally, and now I have too much scarring and damage to ever carry a child (let alone the lack of hormones to make babies...) I would spend hours crying over my friends' pregnancies. I couldn't hold their children. I hated to see what I perceived as pity in their eyes. I was devasted that close friends were scared to tell me their pregnancy news because they thought I wouldn't be able to cope with it. And I'm cross that Dave and I were always really careful about contraception. Just one little 'accident' in my 20s would have been the best!

    We've now started on the road to adoption. That in itself is a minefield. We've attended courses, we have the most horrendous forms to fill in (and I thought teaching applications were bad...). Then, if and when we are approved as potential adopters, it could take a few years to be matched with a child.

    Just tell me, WHAT did I do to deserve this?
     
  18. Raychee,

    I too lost my fertility to cancer (uterine) at the age of 35. On my last night in the hospital, they had to close some wards and I was moved.....to the maternity section where I could hear newborns crying. Yep, great move there hospital staff.

    While I was in hospital (the same week as 9/11) my sister was having a baby on the other side of the city, and a friend was having a baby in the hospital next to mine. Talk about timing!

     
  19. Posts 9 and 10, with all respect, some people just don't want children. What's so bad about that?

    If they don't know that you cannot have children it's hardly fair to blame them worrying is it?

    I'm in a relationship and we both have jobs, but it makes no difference - I never want a child.
     

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