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Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by slippeddisc, Apr 19, 2008.
Thanks Lila. x
I have started to type something here about 5 times now, and each time I've deleted it.
Do I want a baby?
Will I ever be in a situation in which I want to bring a child?
I know. It's so hard to find the right words.
Can i join if tho its oh that can't have kids? Tried for 8 years he has a very low sperm count we can't afford ivf so here we are happy together but that niggling biological clock is still ticking very loudly in my ear.
(((hugs))) to everyone in the same boat.
Can I just say how much i hate it and much it upsets me when people say things like ' thats natures way guess you weren't meant to have children' like were some kind of biological rejects. Some people are really insensitive about infertility. grr
I totally agree!!
The other annoying thing is when other people have to take steps to avoid becoming pregnant at an inconvenient moment - as if the idea is horrific to them.
I hate that too. I've had several friends who've had pregnancy 'scares' and were in a right state about it but I kept thinking 'shut up. You're in a relationship, you're working. What's the problem'
They don't know that I can't have kids though.
Saying that you can't have kids is very hard, isn't it.
I've only ever told 3 people. Once when I was drunk, 1 in a letter to a close uni friend who I trust completely and the hardest was someone face to face sober.
When people ask me if I want kids (or similar) I tend just to say I can't...
They feel more awkward than I do I think.
I just say I do want kids 'one day' and then try and change the subject. The hardest day someone asked me that was when a colleague brought in her baby. I tend to avoid holding them because it's too hard but everyone was pressuring me to hold her. When I was a TA said 'It suits you Slip. Do you want kids?'
How I held myself together, I don't know.
Oh I get that too!
"It suits you Lil, your turn soon!"
How do you deal with that Lila?
It depends on who says it and how well I know them really.
If it's someone I don't really know, I usually say something like "Yeah, maybe".
If it's someone I know better, I'll usually say something more like "Yeah - and then I'll have to change my name to Mary and wear a blue teatowel on my head".
If it's someone I'm close to, then "I can't have kids, probably".
"Yeah - and then I'll have to change my name to Mary and wear a blue teatowel on my head".
lol. Great reply.
It gives them a message without making them feel too awkward... I hope!
Have recently told everyone, but telling my mum was the hardest - just got sick of everyone asking when we're going to have a baby. I find its much hard now Im working in a school rather than an office cos there's more women my age and theres always someone pg or bringing their babies in fortunately Ive got a great mate at school whos not in the slightest bit interested in kids at the mo so whenever the conversation turns to this topic we break away!
God I can't imagine having to tell my mum. Well done for doing that.
I was lucky in that my parents knew from when I was very young. It's just everyone else that doesn't know! It's ok at the moment because people don't need to know but if the time comes when I sort out my financial problems then I'll want to do a single adoption and then I'll have to tell other people.