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The best time to start trying for baby in middle of degree.

Discussion in 'Trainee and student teachers' started by sammyk7, Aug 12, 2011.

  1. Hi All!

    As a student going into my thrid year (BA QTS, Primary) I would like to ask when the best time to start trying for a baby would be. As a mature (32), mother of two (aged 9 & 7) I've been diagnosed with coeliac and have been told conception might be a problem. Hence, I don't want to put it off for any longer but don't know how I'll cope.
    My partner is not too fond of the idea, as we already have two children, and knows my pregnancies can be tough.
    The thought of a five week school placement coming up, followed by an eight week one in my fourth year, makes me think twice. On the other hand, I can still have more time with the baby for the next two years before I finish my degree, whereas I will not get this time once I start my NQT year. Then my conscience tells me I'll struggle with the baby and finishing my degree which may lead to losing marks in the course.

    I'm in a dilemma and think about this so many times EACH DAY!!! My partner remains adamant in his decision but promises to stand by my side come what may. I've even gone to the extreme and planned that if I fall pregnant in Nov '11, I could have my baby in August which means not taking time off from my course. Then something tells me I'll have to take some time off and will definitely fall behind, which is somethingI don't want to do, as I want to graduate as soon as possible.
    I'd like some advice from anyone who has been through a similar situation please.
    Thank you, Sam.
     
  2. Hi All!

    As a student going into my thrid year (BA QTS, Primary) I would like to ask when the best time to start trying for a baby would be. As a mature (32), mother of two (aged 9 & 7) I've been diagnosed with coeliac and have been told conception might be a problem. Hence, I don't want to put it off for any longer but don't know how I'll cope.
    My partner is not too fond of the idea, as we already have two children, and knows my pregnancies can be tough.
    The thought of a five week school placement coming up, followed by an eight week one in my fourth year, makes me think twice. On the other hand, I can still have more time with the baby for the next two years before I finish my degree, whereas I will not get this time once I start my NQT year. Then my conscience tells me I'll struggle with the baby and finishing my degree which may lead to losing marks in the course.

    I'm in a dilemma and think about this so many times EACH DAY!!! My partner remains adamant in his decision but promises to stand by my side come what may. I've even gone to the extreme and planned that if I fall pregnant in Nov '11, I could have my baby in August which means not taking time off from my course. Then something tells me I'll have to take some time off and will definitely fall behind, which is somethingI don't want to do, as I want to graduate as soon as possible.
    I'd like some advice from anyone who has been through a similar situation please.
    Thank you, Sam.
     
  3. That must be really difficult for you, and clearly it is otherwise you wouldn't ask for advice. I'm going to give you mine, and it's not meant to be blunt or harsh, but it might come across as that as the written word can be sometimes!! I am trying to play devil's advocate here, and have posed questions to you that I have posed to myself when I feel broody, so please don't think I'm aiming it t you, they are genuinely things I have thought about myself.
    There's no guarantee you will fall pregnant at the time you need to, to fit it in so nicely with your course, mother nature doesn't always respond as requested. You need to consider what you will do if the dates don't add up, are you willing to miss some of your course in order to have the baby, and perhaps have to take an extra year to make up anything you miss.
    If your first 2 pregnancies were tough it doesn't mean the next one would definately be, BUT how would you cope if it were as bad as the first two or worse? Could you continue with the course?
    If your partner isn't keen what impact do you think it will have on your relationship? Is he concerned about you being ill during pregnancy or is he concerned about having a baby and the issues that can bring, money worries, childcare issues etc etc. Did you always plan to have another baby or is it because you've been told conception could be difficult that it's made you think again? It must be incredibly as a woman to be told that you would stuggle to get pregnant as it should be the most natural thing in the world, I have no idea how upset that must have made you feel but I empathise with you.
    You need to think about the long term future too, you say that as an NQT you will get less time with a baby, but who will take care of the baby when you are at uni/work, and how will that make you feel? I was in the lucky position to be a stay at home mom until my daughter went to primary school, I'm not sure I would have like to have missed out on all the milestones although I know of lots of working mothers that balance it well, I personally would feel very guilty to leave my tiny baby with anyone.
    Also, consider your employability with a small child, if it were down to you and another candidate, the fact that most childcare providers will not accept a child with an illness into their care means that parents of young children can end up having more time off than others, would you be happy to leave a very upset sick baby with a member of your family, could you work all day to the best of your ability knowing what was at home.
    Reading that back it does sound harsh, I don't mean it to be, but I think they are genuine things to consider. Of course if the want/urge to have a baby is so strong you are thinking about it every day then have one, they are the best things in the world, but you need to consider how you will feel if you need to take a career break or retake a uni year after working so hard to get to this point.
    Best of luck with your decision, and take care xx
     
  4. I'm in the middle of studying for a maths exam next week so I'll make this quick but I'll tell you my point of view.
    I got married in June 2008 and started my degree in September 2008. I fell pregnant (planned) in October 2008 and gave birth during the holidays in July 2009. In September 2009 I fell pregnant with baby no. 2 (surprise) and gave birth to him in the June 2010, 3 weeks after my second year final exams.
    My eldest son went to the university nursery at 3 months old in order for me to continue at university - he was in two days a week.
    My youngest son went to the nursery at 4 months old - at this point they were in one and a half days a week.
    I am desperate for a daughter (although would be happy for another boy) as am no spring chicken myself (29) and have been broody since my youngest was born although completing my third year of my degree with two under two was tough as I could only do uni work in the evenings after they'd gone to bed. BUT under no circumstances would I undertake my teacher training with a newborn baby. I know how much work the little ones can be (as I'm sure you remember) and I know how much I want to be a teacher for my family in the long run so I want to be able to give it everything I can. I also want to remind you that if you were to put your child into nursery whilst he/she was very young, he/she would pick up every illness under the sun (as my two do) and would be sent home from nursery often so unless you have a fantastic support network that could look after your child whilst you continue to attend uni/placement then I think you might have a problem.
    I can appreciate that you feel time is running out but when you've come this far would you really want to risk completing your training?
    Just my two cents. You'll make whatever decision is right for you in the end so good luck with whatever you choose.
    Kate x
     
  5. I think you should arrange the lot for the benefit of the baby. What's best for him/her? When will you be able to give it your best attention? Given that becoming pregnant is hardly an exact science, you could be floundering away with a new baby during your exams or during your NQT year. You could spend your placements throwing your guts up and having to re-do them. And on top of it you have a partner who doesn't even want another baby.
    You may be thinking about this so many times a day but I'm not sure you're thinking much beyond I WANT.
    You're only 32. Coeliac won't make it any more or less difficult for you to conceive in two years' time, when you'll have finished your course and got your NQT year out of the way. I'd have thought a baby deserved at least that much, given the choice.
     
  6. Hi,
    I'll start by saying I don't have children and have never done BEd course, so maybe I'm not in a position to advise, but...
    It seem to me you have 2 areas to think about:
    Firstly, is your husband against having a 3rd child full stop, or is he only against the timing knowing how hard it will be, and given your past difficult pregnancies? If it's the latter, you can work on this, but if it's the former you need to have a serious talk about it. How would you feel if he insisted on something as massive as having a child and you didn't want to? He definitely needs to be on board with it 100% before you proceed.
    Secondly, if having a third child is right for you, and time isn't on your side health-wise, surely there are ways of working around this with your course? Surely you can defer a year to have the time off needed to handle the pregnancy and early months of the child's life properly? Of course this means you qualifying a year or so later than you otherwise would have done, but in the grand scheme of things is this really seem such a big deal? If you can manage financially, speak to your uni about the options, and don't try and do everything at once.
    Good luck with whatever you decide!
    Choca

     
  7. My friend was on a PGCE course this year and got pregnant (accidentally) just before her final placement. She was so exhausted with the workload, plus shattered all the time from being pregnant, plus feeling sick constantly, that she had to quit. She is hoping to go back and finish her placement next year after the baby is born but isn't sure if she will actually have the time or the inclination to.
    Just something to consider - obviously, as you have children already, you know how you will feel when you are pregnant. But could you manage the workload of your course on top of everything that comes in the first trimester?
     
  8. Hi,
    I personally would try and get my degree out of the way. Having children myself it can be very stressful particularly when assignments are due and the kids also need you. The workload is going to increase, ask yourself how you're going to cope?
    Ultimately it's up to you what you decide. Good luck!
    Well done for getting this far, keep going!
     
  9. Stick with 2. Husbands are usually right.
     

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