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The best Fringe one-liners 2019.

Discussion in 'Personal' started by nomad, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    • "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets" - Olaf Falafel
    • "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
    • "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
    • "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
    • "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
    • "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
    • "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
    • "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
    • "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
    • "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
  2. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it arrived all the pages were blank. I couldn't find the words to express my disappointment.
  3. coffeekid

    coffeekid Star commenter

    I'll watch loads of different things during the festival, but stand up comedy and the (Fringe) scene surrounding it does nothing for me. I won't even take the flyers thrust at me every five minutes.
  4. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    What sort of thing do you favour?
  5. nomad

    nomad Star commenter


    Really bad stand-up comedy is no joke!

    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
    colpee and Dragonlady30 like this.
  6. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I read a while back that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary. If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
  7. coffeekid

    coffeekid Star commenter

    Are you being snarky or do you really want to know..?
  8. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    We saw Richard Herring (3*) Corries tribute band( 4*) Paul Merton (2*) Frances Barber in a one woman show (3*) and a few other things in the Book festival but nothing great this year. The best thing was the Bridget Riley exhibition which is great and the fact that I saw Eddie Izzard and Richard Coles in the street and asked a woman if Wagamamas was along the road and then realised it was AL Kennedy. She was charming - said it used to be but it could have moved.
    cissy3 likes this.
  9. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

  10. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I took the wife to the doctor to see if anything could be done to help her tourette's. It turns out she doesn't have tourette's after all, but I'm a c**t and she really does want me to f-off.
    caress and EmanuelShadrack like this.
  11. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    Why miss an opportunity for publicity?
    Jesmond12 likes this.
  12. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I felt sorry for a bloke who was being interviewed for a job in my last business. When my colleague asked him his name, he replied "It's David **** B.ollocks **** **** Turner"

    My colleague asked whether he sufferred from Tourette's, but he said no. It seems the the vicar at his christening unfortunately did.

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