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That Friday incident ... on the other hand!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by CSIwannabee, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. Could really do with some opinions from you all on what has happened to my son today.
    He is a Y7 child who has been having difficulty with his so called "friends" for a few weeks. He has always been open with us and has told us that recently he has felt left out because he isn't part of the gang anymore. 2 weeks ago the name calling and nastiness got worse but he asked us to leave it and he would sort it out himself. We talked it through each night and he managed to give them a few good retorts and low digs to show he wasn't going to be bullied by them.
    This week has been much better and he is back in the group. Yesterday he came home as proud as punch because the main bully in the group had tried to hit another boy with a stick and my son had grabbed the stick and stopped the bully before it hit!
    However, today I picked my son up and as he walked to the car he was limping. Turns out that "stick boy" and another friend have charged at him with a huge branch/log, dragged him into the bushes, kicked him to the floor, sat on him and then kicked him in the head infront of about 8 other children.
    My son and his friends reported this to their head of year at lunch time who is now in the processes of investigating (so my son has told me). I picked my son up at 4.30pm!
    I'm a primary teacher and have avoided being the teacher/mum throughout my sons school life, because I know what it's like to have those meetings with Mums/Dads who teach and can challenge me about anything and everything because they live the life too .... You know the type I'm talking about
    BUT .... surely I, or Mr CSI should have been contacted due to head injury/bullying, incident!!!
    Stick boy has already been suspended because he attacked another pupil before Christmas.
    I know I feel worse because it's Friday and I can't do anything until Monday. Mr CSI is wise enough to say he will be going in to talk to head of year, form tutor and head about it all because I'm spitting feathers!!!
    Just need to know from some people who know what it's like ... maybe the HOY had other issues to deal with or meetings or lessons and so on and so on ... but I just want to be reassured I'm not over reacting.
    Thanks x
     
  2. Could really do with some opinions from you all on what has happened to my son today.
    He is a Y7 child who has been having difficulty with his so called "friends" for a few weeks. He has always been open with us and has told us that recently he has felt left out because he isn't part of the gang anymore. 2 weeks ago the name calling and nastiness got worse but he asked us to leave it and he would sort it out himself. We talked it through each night and he managed to give them a few good retorts and low digs to show he wasn't going to be bullied by them.
    This week has been much better and he is back in the group. Yesterday he came home as proud as punch because the main bully in the group had tried to hit another boy with a stick and my son had grabbed the stick and stopped the bully before it hit!
    However, today I picked my son up and as he walked to the car he was limping. Turns out that "stick boy" and another friend have charged at him with a huge branch/log, dragged him into the bushes, kicked him to the floor, sat on him and then kicked him in the head infront of about 8 other children.
    My son and his friends reported this to their head of year at lunch time who is now in the processes of investigating (so my son has told me). I picked my son up at 4.30pm!
    I'm a primary teacher and have avoided being the teacher/mum throughout my sons school life, because I know what it's like to have those meetings with Mums/Dads who teach and can challenge me about anything and everything because they live the life too .... You know the type I'm talking about
    BUT .... surely I, or Mr CSI should have been contacted due to head injury/bullying, incident!!!
    Stick boy has already been suspended because he attacked another pupil before Christmas.
    I know I feel worse because it's Friday and I can't do anything until Monday. Mr CSI is wise enough to say he will be going in to talk to head of year, form tutor and head about it all because I'm spitting feathers!!!
    Just need to know from some people who know what it's like ... maybe the HOY had other issues to deal with or meetings or lessons and so on and so on ... but I just want to be reassured I'm not over reacting.
    Thanks x
     
  3. I don't think you're over reacting at all. It sounds like a serious assault, imo.
    I'm in a rush at the moment but I didn't want this to drop off the page before someone with decent advice came along.


     
  4. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I had this exact parent/teacher dilemma, especially as both my kids went to the high school where I taught. I also know of the type of parents who turn up for interviews and announce 'Im a teacher', as if you then have to speak with them in a special coded teacher language.

    It's a bit of a tightrope. If your son was kicked in the head but didn't go to the office to mention the injury straight away I can understand why the school didn't contact you. You say he reported it to HoY at lunchtime - was that some time later than the actual incident? Any mention of 'head' usually gets a first aider's attention but ideally it has to be reported straight away. Rightly or wrongly we tend to assume that something that happened earlier has steadily 'got better' as more time passes.

    Stick boy clearly has a track record of bullying, but it's a b*gger of a job to give bullies the heave-ho from secondary. That said, safeguarding is a limiting judgement on inspection so schools are very keen to toe the line on tackling bullying. He'll be known to HoY by the sound of it, so I'd hope investigation will result in suspension, parents in etc.

    When we dealt with anything involving our kids in high school, Mrs MSB was always first point of contact, although she too is a teacher (but primary) so we had a double dilemma!

    However, I think we were sometimes too light touch, so don't make the mistake of backing off where your son needs your support - children are very sensitive to injustice, and I know there were times when my kids felt unfairly treated and we didn't challenge it enough because we assumed that the teachers were right/busy/stressed and we gave them the benefit of the doubt. Not all teachers get it right, and not all schools deal with bullying effectively.

    I think getting Mr CSI to go in is a smart move, but maybe he needs to see HoY only at this stage. HoY will already speak to tutor, and will need some time to track down and deal with stick boy. I'd leave the Head out of it at this stage, and only get them involved if you're not satisfied with the school's response. Chain of command and all that - give HoY a chance to do their job.
     
  5. You're quite right. Somebody should have called.
     
  6. Threaten to call the police.
    The boy is a health and safety risk.
    Your son was kicked in the head - not as part of a temper fuelled fight,.but as a premeditated attack.
    If someone said, I'll give your son a million quid if you let me kick him up the ****, you may agree. Same offer for a head kicks and you'd say no. Head kicks can be fatal. This boy made a plan to attack your son and kick him in the head.
    There's obviously something very wrong with your son's chosen group of friends (not his fault that he wants to belong), so maybe a move to a different tutor group or band might put him in a better quality group.
    As for the "i'm a teacher bit" - regardless of how annoyed it can make people - it does give you a better service.

     
  7. What has you being a teacher got to do with it?
    Your son has been assualted, and while 'stick boy' appears to be the ringleader he wasn't on his own, there were two bullies involved here.
    School should have, at the very least, had a word with you when you picked your son up.
    Let dad speak to HOY on Monday, but if you or your son are not completely satisfied with outcome, go to head and make a fuss.
    Your son needs to be confident in your support as his parents but also in the school as the place he probably spends most of his waking hours. He has to feel safe and secure to achieve.
    Oh and well done you for raising a boy who stands up to bullies for others even though it has cost him.
    This makes it even more important that he's fully supported all round.

     
  8. Probable Reality


    Your son reported this to the HoY at lunch time

    HoY was teaching all afternoon

    HoY will investigate asap


    Preferable action alongside this

    Son should have been seen by First Aid and you should have been called by that person


    As far as I can see ... that is the part that is missing and it would seem to be a systems failure




    If your husband is going in then he needs to call

    Seeing the form tutor would be pointless ... what will they know

    Seeing the HoY will only be able to happen if he makes an appointment ... and the HoY will not have had chance to investigate so the only result will be that husband can complain that you were not informed

    If your husband arrived without an appointment, ime, he would probably be able to see a member of SLT (unlikely to be the head) and, again, complain that you were not informed ... this would probably be the most use as it seems, as I said, to be a systems failure



    Someone suggested calling the police ... had this happened outside of school I would endorse that entirely

    Since it happened in school ... that is still your right but ... it would mean that school would stop/delay the investigation whilst they waited for the police to decide if they wanted to pursue the case ... since the outcome of a police investigation is unlikely to be more than a warning I am not sure how that would help the in school situation
     
  9. Thanks everyone.
    Mr CSI is going in on Monday morning to ask for appointment and has printed off anti bullying policy from school website .... we know stick boy has been suspended before for other incidents and I suspect the HOY has a lot to do to follow set procedures in order to deal with him.
    Incident happened at lunchtime so son and friends did report it straight after they had recovered from the shock and plucked up the courage to do something. HOY did not send him to first aider which we will be pointing out is a huge concern.
    We are writing a letter too just incase Monday morning is a bad time for HOY/SMT ,(I know it will be!!! ), asking why we were not informed of head injury.
    I've calmed down a lot since last night. I got more angry with TES because my post took so long to come onto the forum as it was being moderated. (sigh).
    You are right, being a teacher is nowhere near as important as my being a good Mum and I'm kicking myself, (cringes at the unintended pun), for not getting involved sooner because I'm a teacher. I'm not letting this one go as my son actually said he was not important and it didn't matter that people were hurting him. In other words the bullying has worked and made him feel he is worthless .... alarm bells ringing loud and clear.
    Mr CSI mentioned bringing in the police but I have calmed him down pointing out that HOY needs to be given time to act.
    Thankyou all for your support and advice.

     
  10. Just bumping up so you can see the "Thank you" [​IMG]
     
  11. JTL

    JTL Occasional commenter

    Can I just add that having been in a similar situation a few years ago with my son being bullied, though his 'attack' was nowhere as serious as your son's, I would advise you to get your son to keep a log of all these goings on. My son's school was very slow to actually do anything and it took a new HOY to sort it out. Even though the bully was spoken to about his bullying, he continued to do it in a very underhand way, so actually logging it all helped both my son and I, and provided evidence when someone finally decided to do something.
     
  12. Great idea .. thanks
     
  13. Agreed, and HOY is probably waiting for someone else to make a decision as they can't suspend someone without the heads say-so. I was just talking to a HOY yesterday who was saying they were waiting to see which sanction would be given. They may well not know the full extent of the story. On the othe hand they may well be hopeless and going in to build a relationship with the head of year can't hurt.
     

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