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Tes Problem Page

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Dunteachin, Nov 17, 2016.

  1. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Good Evening, Readers!

    Two conundrums!

    I know precisely what happened at the bowling green. Somebody has been using a pair of shreddies to polish their balls. Balls will slide faster over the grass, thereby giving one an edge over one's opponent.

    The question is, whether to use finger or thumb? That affects the way the ball swings off.

  2. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    I find that a firm grip works wonders.
  3. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    More concerning is the mystery concerning Ms P. Cat. Now, let me get this straight. You and your husband took a friend of yours to visit your gran. And he just happens to leave his underpants behind. Which she washes.

    It was an over -80s Swingers' session that your gran was holding, wasn't it? You just called in, unannounced, and your friend couldn't resist taking part...
  4. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Addendum - it is well known in Lower Wittering that if one wishes to advertise one's proclivities on the Swinging front, a pair of underpants affixed to the front of one's vehicle is a sure sign that one is "up for it". Parked outside a house with pampas grass in the garden only confirms this.

    Ms P. Cat, you cannot come all innocent with us!

    It must run in your family.
  5. primarycat

    primarycat Star commenter

  6. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Some old buffer buffing up the old lignum vitae?
    bombaysapphire, bevdex and Dunteachin like this.
  7. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    When your lignum grows old it is vital to apply vigorous buffing to the carapace not only to avoid cracking but also to keep it running true. Once the lignum starts to lose its shine there is a danger of warping, so a good waxy lubricant, rubbed well in before exposure to the elements or rough surfaces, is an excellent habit to get into to maintain optimum levels of performance.
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2020
  8. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Most true.
    I do love the sound it makes when two balls knock together.
    emerald52 and primarycat like this.
  9. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    Filth! (My turn)
    Dunteachin and primarycat like this.
  10. bevdex

    bevdex Star commenter

    I wouldn't mind but the bowling green has been closed since the beginning of November.
    Dunteachin likes this.
  11. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    It's not a problem bowling with lignum vitae bowls when the bowling green is flooded. Lignum vitae is a wood that doesn't float.
    Dunteachin and bevdex like this.
  12. RepelloInimicum

    RepelloInimicum Lead commenter

    That reminds me of the clackers I had when I was a child!
    Shedman, Dunteachin and bevdex like this.
  13. bevdex

    bevdex Star commenter

    I had those too! (and the bruises on my wrists to prove it!)
    RepelloInimicum and Dunteachin like this.
  14. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    Dear Dunty

    I am hearing reports of flooding in the vicinity of Lower Wittering. I do hope everyone was released from the dungeon before anything even more untoward occurred.
    Yours Em
    bevdex, Dunteachin and magic surf bus like this.
  15. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    As a 12 year old I was greatly amused to find that they were called Knackers on the continent.
  16. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Rumour has it that The Colonel is only still with us thanks to Dunty's and Nigel's timely application of an old ARP stirrup pump, a snorkel, flippers, a tub of vaseline and a hacksaw.
  17. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Morning, Readers! Yes, what a close call! We'd had to evacuate the newly refurbished Inner Sanctum, where the Colonel was enjoying the Tantric Hot Stone massage, followed by the goat's milk foot spa. Unbeknownst to us, he'd sneaked into the Underwater Cavern, where we're training haddock to nibble feet. When the river, which runs through my estate, started to overflow and breach the Dungeon cellar, it was a race against time to rescue him!
  18. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Thank goodness for your ARP warden training during the war. :)
    bevdex and Mangleworzle like this.
  19. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

  20. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    Did you have to give the ol' buffer the kiss of life?

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