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Teacher wouldn't let daughter go to the toilet

Discussion in 'Primary' started by jnewto, Apr 20, 2017.

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  1. jnewto

    jnewto New commenter

    Hi i am a parent after a bit of advice.

    Yesterday my daughter 9, came home upset as the teacher wouldn't let her go to the toilet. It was 10 mins after playtime and the teacher said she would have to wait until lunch. She asked a second time and told the teacher that holding in her urine was giving her stomach ache but was still told no. She had to race to the toilet at lunch and nearly didn't make it.

    Was wondering whether this is common and should i speak to the teacher ? she had to wait 1 hr 10 mins
  2. whitestag

    whitestag Senior commenter

    I would speak to the teacher, but I wouldn't go in all guns blazing at first. There may be an explanation.

    I am of the opinion that the kids should be allowed to go to the toilet if they need to, as long as their work is completed in the set time. As a teacher, I usually trust them and let them go if they need to.

    Best person to speak to is your daughter's teacher in this first instance.
    pepper5 likes this.
  3. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    I would nip in and mention your daughter was a bit upset.

    Sometimes a teacher is just having a naff day and didn't have the patience she usually would. (Don't be annoyed, parents have naff days too!)
    Sometimes the children have been reminded just before break to go and ten mins after break is just irritating.
    Sometimes the story that gets home to parents isn't quite accurate. (Yes, even those darling lovely children who never, ever tell lies!)

    Some teachers allow loo breaks whenever and so don't. That's life!
  4. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Your daughter should go to the toilet during the break. If you have any other reason to think the teacher is unreasonable you could raise it with her but I think your daughter is old enough to follow the rules.
  5. alexanderosman

    alexanderosman Occasional commenter

    Personally I would have let her go on the second time of asking and do think it was unreasonable of the teacher to say no, but agree with others above - I may have done similar if I was losing patience on a bad day.
    I think you should reinforce to your daughter that she should be going at break and if she had that wouldn't have happened.
    Then you have two choices:
    1. Speak to the teacher from the angle of wanting to check whether what your daughter told you is true.
    2. Say nothing unless it happens again.
  6. modgepodge

    modgepodge Occasional commenter

    Im always a little wary of saying no after I once said no to a year 1 (it was 5 mins before lunch) - he didn't say he was desperate and then wet himself. I felt so awful.

    I now teach upper KS2 and tend to let them go, during independent work (not during an input). They are reminded to go to the loo at break/lunch, and I would be a little annoyed with a child who asked to go 10 mins after lunch, but if they asked me a second time I'd definitely say yes, especially if they said it was hurting them! If they ask 10 mins before a break, I usually ask 'can you wait 10 mins until lunch', and they usually can.

    As an adult, I occasionally have to nip out of a meeting/training to go to the loo. I'd hate to be told I wasn't allowed to go!
  7. sabram86

    sabram86 New commenter

    I think it would be best to back the teacher. If your daughter learns that she can go running to you whenever she's upset (the rule, as applied, is perfectly reasonable), she will do so again and again. It will disrupt her education (she is not old or responsible enough to be treated like an adult), the education of others and the classroom.

    You should tell your daughter to go to the toilet during break and lunch and to follow the rules, especially when reasonably applied, as here.
  8. jnewto

    jnewto New commenter

    I understand why the teacher said no the first time and agree that she should have gone at break, but just a little uneasy with the way dismissed the second request despite my daughter saying holding it was making her tummy hurt,

    I am sure the teacher would not wait for over an hour if she was dying for a wee and it was making her stomach hurt, she would get cover for the class and nip to the toilet.
    Bumptious and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  9. teacup71

    teacup71 Occasional commenter

    What cover? See the class teacher.
  10. jnewto

    jnewto New commenter

    I mean if the teacher needed to go to the toilet she would get the TA to watch the class, or the teacher next door, not hold on in pain like she made my daughter
  11. mollymegan19

    mollymegan19 New commenter

    My school has a strict no toilet trips during lessons - teachers break it but we are not supposed to let them go.

    That is secondary though...

    I never go to the toilet during lessons unless I am unwell - very unlikely there will be someone floating around able to cover!
  12. sparklepig2002

    sparklepig2002 Star commenter

    That's a bit harsh for primary-sometimes you just need to go. I will always encourage the children to wait if they can but say if they are really desperate then they can go, Often they will wait, but if they ask repeatedly I let them go. I would rather they go than have a humiliating accident in front of the class. This child might have been going down with an infection-we don't know. I would have a quiet word with her teacher, but don't go in all guns blazing.
  13. sparklepig2002

    sparklepig2002 Star commenter

    Again-a bit harsh. It's not always as black and white as following the rules.
  14. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    An awful lot is context dependent. The tone of voice when making the request could have been belligerent. The class could have been doing an assessment. They may have been reminded of the rules just before break.

    Hopefully your daughter hasn't picked up on your attitude about her teacher.
    Jesmond12 and mrajlong like this.
  15. mrajlong

    mrajlong Established commenter

    Always let them go on the second ask...not just after a break though...but, if a had a drink (non-alcoholic) at lunchtime, I'll often need a pee about 2ish. If I can hold it, so can they (or maybe not)!!! Once during a PE session (Y3), a boy asked me to go to the toilet about 5 mins before the end of the lesson, so I said no...wait until you are changed. 3 mins later the hall floor was awash. His parents were understanding, but I felt awful about it and learnt a lot from the experience!

    It's quite annoying when a kid asks to go for a wee when you desperately need one but can't! No way I can leave the class in case there is an "incident!" Jeez, the one time my back was turned!!!
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  16. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    no, this would never happen, there is no cover for anything like that, if you are on break duty it could be 4 hours, if you have a lunch time meeting too it could be 7!

    Thats by the by, teachers often are unable to go to the toilet for hour after hour,

    On the question you asked, there may well be a school rule about not going to the toilet. That is quite normal, and nothing to do with the teacher.

    Personally I almost never refuse a child who asks to go to the toilet. In many schools, this has been a breach of school rules and procedures, and I could have been in trouble
    sparklepig2002 likes this.
  17. whitestag

    whitestag Senior commenter

    I agree. She's 9 for goodness' sake. What harm would it have done to let her nip out for a few minutes, especially if she'd asked twice and it was hurting her. If it was a rule at my school to not let them go during lessons and I was presented with this scenario, I would've broken it and let her go. We have a duty of care and they are still young children. Comparing them to adults in terms of 'being able to hold it' is unfair and ridiculous.
  18. emmat34

    emmat34 New commenter

    I have upper KS2. My rule is that the children need to go to the toilet in break times as training for secondary school. Failing that, no-one goes to the toilet if I am talking and after that I use the 'if you are desperate' which emphasizes the 'desperate'. However, after a few weeks with my new class, I discovered that I had a few who needed to drink continually for their kidneys - so always needed to go to the loo. Those children have free access as their health is much more important and they happen to be the quick ones in the toilet! If your child is one of those children, then make sure the teacher knows. I also tell them at the start of the year that it is fine to drink a litre of water after break (because they have been playing football) but don't be surprised if they need the toilet 20mins later - they need to start to learn to control their hydration and be aware that huge drinks mean a trip to the loo!
    Also, sometimes a teacher forgets what they have said before, and to whom - I am sure she didn't mean to cause any discomfort and would be mortified if she knew. Best to have a word and clear the air.
    BettyTA, Lara mfl 05 and Jesmond12 like this.
  19. emmat34

    emmat34 New commenter

    I am also aware that if they really do need to go to the loo, then they wont be listening to me as they will be trying to concentrate on their bladder instead. Better to let them go really - I am not as harsh as I sound.
    Bumptious and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  20. Msz

    Msz Established commenter

    What TA? Teachers have to wait until they have a break (and they often supervise break times)

    Unless I knew the child had a medical condition I'd expect a 9 year old to wait until I'd finished my teaching input especially straight after break.
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2017
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