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Suicide

Discussion in 'Personal' started by jubilee, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    We're all reeling from the news that our son's first serious girlfriend (from A level years 14 years ago) committed suicide yesterday. We saw her a few years ago at a wedding and she remained in our son's circle of friends. He was at her house-warming party a few months ago. I was actually going to suggest that our son broach being her lodger as he might have had more chance of work where she lived and I harboured a hope that they might get back together. I decided not to meddle. I wish I had now as there would have been someone there when she was feeling so down.
     
  2. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    We're all reeling from the news that our son's first serious girlfriend (from A level years 14 years ago) committed suicide yesterday. We saw her a few years ago at a wedding and she remained in our son's circle of friends. He was at her house-warming party a few months ago. I was actually going to suggest that our son broach being her lodger as he might have had more chance of work where she lived and I harboured a hope that they might get back together. I decided not to meddle. I wish I had now as there would have been someone there when she was feeling so down.
     
  3. It's a horrible thing for you and your family. So many unanswered questions.
     
  4. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    Or your son might have been there to find her; so maybe staying out was a good thing.
     
  5. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    How awful for you and your son. Sometimes it's not so obvious what's going on in someone else's life and even if your son had been there it might not have stopped her, or as someone else has said, he might have been the one to find her. we had a friend with 2 young children who killed herself years ago and it wasn't till the children weren't collected from playgroup that she was found -too late! On 'the outside' she had everything to live for; loving husband 2 lovely young children, but obviously everthing became warped in her mind, possibly post-natal depression? Even the day before she's given no indication she was feeling that bad!Took us all a while to get over our inability to spot her problems and wonder what we could have done.
    Statistically the run up to Christmas figures highly for suicide and death rates, as people perceive that 'everyone else is with family/ happy/ having a good time etc and isolationism becomes worse.there's probably nothing you could have done to prevent this. Just be aware in future if you ever spot signs that someone's behaving unusually or avoiding people- often a sign they're becoming 'isolated'.
    A big hug to you [{You, husband and son][​IMG]
     
  6. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    Apparently she was out socialising earlier in the evening and no-one noticed anything amiss.
    Our son has now left for Manchester where other friends are gathering. I offered to drive him there but he has picked up a mutual friend locally and will have someone with him on the journey. I've never seen him looking so stunned . He said she'd had bouts of depression in the past but everyone thought she had 'come out the other end' and was OK now.
     
  7. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    So sorry to hear what has happened ,Jubilee and the news must be a real shock for you and your family.
    I can understand why you are thinking that if your son had been around it might have changed the outcome but if someone is in such a depressed state that they are contemplating ending their life, they can easily find a place or way to do it so they won't be stopped and your son couldn't have been there all of the time.
    Attempting suicide can sometimes be a cry for help but if someone is in such a distressed state that they are determined to go through with it, having others around is unlikely to change their state of mind. Another thing about depression is that it can make someone feel very isolated so they may have someone physically close by but mentally they may still feel alone.People with depression often don't think along rational lines either and their moods might not be very stable,especially if someone is bi-polar.Some anti depressants actually make people feel more suicidal as in the case of seroxat which my sister in law was taking when she took her own life.
    So I really don't think there would have been much that you or your son could have done to stop this happening. Depression and other mental health problems are more common that we might imagine - we have quite a lot of students at my college who are experiencing some type of mental health problem.
    Best wishes xxx
     
  8. smoothnewt

    smoothnewt Lead commenter

    I'm so sorry for you and your son, Jubilee. What a shock that must have been! What scares me is just how often we hear that the person concerned often appears to be happy and enjoying life to the full just a short while before the act of killing themselves. That is just so difficult to reconcile. I had a colleague once who was at the top of his career, ostensibly not a care in the world ( a young guy no more than 30) who went out for dinner with friends and afterwards, instead of going home, just walked into the Thames and drowned himself. None of us ever fathomed out just why.
    A horrible thing to have to confront at this time of year: I wish you all the best.
     
  9. A dear friend of mine threw herself in front of a train in December several years ago. She too had suffered from some 'minor' bouts of depression and we were all totally stunned. All in our twenties at the time and just completely shocked. Some of my group of friends still believe she accidentally fell despite the evidence of witnesses and CCTV - it was just such a shock. It has taken such a long time to accept it and try and find some kind of reason behind it. I have found some comfort in thinking that a mental health condition can cause people to 'snap' over something that for most people would be a 'bad day.' Sometimes, in a marathon, a thousand people will cross the line and one will die of an undiagnosed heart condition; they've all run the same race but for one person it was shockingly fatal. So maybe there was nothing that anyone could have predicted and helped. Sending love.
     
  10. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I think that is a very good analogy. The straw that breaks the camel's back is often unseen . . . . .as is the mountain of straws already piled up there. The fact that these 'straws' are often perceived (by the sufferer) solely as a result of illness, makes them no less real to the sufferer.
     
  11. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    The poor lass. Really sorry to hear this.
     

  12. Such sad news and before Christmas. This must come as a real blow; a young life. And someone who was part of your son's life.
    Whatever, she must have been so unhappy deep down that life and her future held no meaning.
    I hope your son is okay and that he will be able to remember the happy times they had. Eventually. What a lovely man to go there and to offer comfort and support.
    I hope you all have the strength to make sense of this and come to terms with this.
    One of my brother's friend's (a handsome young blond man who had everything to live for) went to New St station and chucked himself under an incoming goods train. He's had bouts of depressioon, but just got up and said his "goodbyes", got a bus and went and did it.
    Sometimes it is a cry for help, but sometimes I think that all can be seen is bleakness and despair and life just has no meaning anymore. So the only way is out.
    Hope you are okay Jubilee. Terrible news.


     
  13. My sympathy. A young man commited suicide at the weekend, less than 100 m from my back garden. I didn't know him personally, but know many of his friends and relatives. I feel so sad to look out my window to the isolated spot where he chose to end his life. What a sad time for all connected to him, even more so that it is just before Christmas.
     
  14. Awful news. Depression is a strange thing: I have had people say to me "I've never seen you so happy" when I've been in the depths of despair. I also have experience of family member being happy just before she took her own life: we believe that it was because she felt at peace for having made a decision. Please give your son a HUGE hug.
     
  15. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter

    It will be hard for your son to come to terms with because it's the first realization for him that his generation is not immortel, as youngsters tend to believe.
    But he's lucky to have your support.
    I tend to agree that it's best that he didn't go to lodge with her, because he might be wracked with guilt if she had nonetheless committed suicide.
    Our elder son, aged 30, committed suicide because his girlfriend told him that she was expecting someone else's baby.
    He was a Dr.
    We still cry.
    It was exactly 13 years ago today.
    __________________________________________________
    TheoGriff. Member of the TES Careers Advice Service.
    I do Application and Interview one-to-ones, and also contribute to the Job Application Seminars. We look at application letters, executive summaries and interviews, with practical exercises that people really appreciate.
    www.tes.co.uk/careerseminars
     
  16. ROSIEGIRL

    ROSIEGIRL Senior commenter

    Such sad stories.
    Love and hugs to you Theo and to everyone touched by these heartbreaking events.
     
  17. Oh Theo, I am so sorry. I hope you are able to remember the good times even today. My thoughts are with all those who have been touched by this most awful of events. May your Christmas be as joyous and as peaceful as possible.
    C x
     
  18. In my experience people do not kill themselves when they are depressed. Imagine depression as a U shaped curve.
    Picture the bottom third of the U (the pit if you will) is the depth of the depression, in this 'pit' the person often lacks the motivation, wherewithall or physical ability to harm themselves. The first third, the downward slope, of the U, and the third upward slope of the U are when people either know they are entering their illness phase (downward third) and can't bear where they are heading, or the upward slope and can't bear to go there again.
    So often, when people say they seemed 'normal' (Gary Speed?) the person themselves may be aware of the precursors for their illness beginning, and have an overwhelming desire to stop it. Sometimes you hear of people saying "I don't understand, he had just gotten over his depression!" Now I have never suffered from depression, but I have worked with lots of sufferers, and am fully aware it is not a good place to go back to.
    Others still, turn to suicide as a reaction to other events, as the tragic situation that Theos son found himself in.
    Take care people.
     
  19. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Theo, reading your post made me cry aloud. I'm so sorry for you and your family to have gone through that.

    Suicide is such an enigma.
    I don't think anyone really knows what they are doing when they contemplate it or carry it through. Two of my daughter's friends have gone that way this year. Hearing about one of them put me into a very low state for much of the summer and set me off crying randomly. It has been something I've considered too, but would not do that to my family. It is an angry act.
    Truly dreadful for those left behind.
     
  20. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    (((((Theo))))))
     

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