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suicide

Discussion in 'Personal' started by giraffe, Jul 30, 2011.

  1. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Have given this thread a clear title to let people avoid it if they are likely to be upset by it.
    My daughter has heard that a friend of hers has killed herself. A close-ish friend.
    Daughter is saddened, but very sensible - more so than I am
    I am so upset by it that I really can't talk about it or listen to any details etc. I didn't know the girl even. I have to walk out of the room if it is discussed.
    There have been two previous occasions when young friends of daughters have died and it's really, really got to me each time. Part of being a mother to them is not wanting anything to happen to anyone like them, if that doesn't sound silly?

     
  2. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Have given this thread a clear title to let people avoid it if they are likely to be upset by it.
    My daughter has heard that a friend of hers has killed herself. A close-ish friend.
    Daughter is saddened, but very sensible - more so than I am
    I am so upset by it that I really can't talk about it or listen to any details etc. I didn't know the girl even. I have to walk out of the room if it is discussed.
    There have been two previous occasions when young friends of daughters have died and it's really, really got to me each time. Part of being a mother to them is not wanting anything to happen to anyone like them, if that doesn't sound silly?

     
  3. Tragic. I understand why you feel so upset.
    ((((((((Hugs)))))))))
     
  4. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Not silly at all - early death is a horrible thing and one from which we all should want to protect our children. Its entry into our lives or the lives of those around us has the power to cause huge emotional upheaval and there is no 'right' way to deal with it, apart from being there for each other.
     
  5. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    They have dealt with these events better than me. They are well-balanced.
    Just as well really
     
  6. snugglepot

    snugglepot Occasional commenter

    I understand too.My youngest son had a friend of 15( that I didn't know) who for no known reason hung himself.I still feel upset every time I drive past their farm.I had never met him but like you felt upset.I think it is the tragic loss of life of a young person that as a parent you find you can't cope with.
    The second friend I knew.He was a lovely quiet boy who lived in our village.After he left school and had a job he suddenly killed himself, his mother still doesn't know why.I cried and cried for this boy.He had been doing some joinery work a few months before for me.I made some sandwiches and cakes and the lads were larking about.I'll treasure that memory.My son just wishes the lad had picked up the phone to him.It is so tragic.He came form a loving family with older brothers and a sister.If he knew the devastation he left.
    I sat down with my son and talked to him about the impact it has had on the family and friends.I told him if ever he felt like that to let us know day or night.
    I think you are mourning the waste of the young life but do try and talk to your daughter about it.Even if you have to wait a week or two before you can cope with it.
     
  7. My kids' friends have not had suicides that I'm aware of but two early deaths have occurred. You think if it happened to them, why not my children? And why not indeed. It must be a very upsetting tine for you.
    Possibly as parents we can't imagine/remember a time when our lives weren't spread out in glory before us. But your daughter can, and has accepted (maybe; perhaps she will be more upset later) the reality for some people her age.
     
  8. It's normal to feel upset. My best friend died in an accident when we were 15. It may sound stupid, because of course I knew she was dead, but at that age, I really couldn't take in the enormity of the loss. As I've grown up, I've been more and more aware of what she has missed out on at every stage of my life, and now I have children that age, I am more upset about her death than at any time in the past. As parents, it feels to me that our greatest drive is to protect our children, and the loss of someone else's child is the strongest evidence that we may not be able to do so. Of course you are upset. When I've worked with children with brain injuries/ degenerative brain diseases, it was an established understanding that most parents among the staff were more likely to get upset looking after children who became ill or disabled OLDER than their children. This is because when something bad has happened to a younger child, you may care about them, but you are also aware that your own children have safely passed the stage when this other child was in greatest danger. With children older than your child, you don't have that comfort and imagine the same danger for your own child.
    I am sorry you are feeling bad. I hope it soon begins to pass
     
  9. One of my stepsister's relatives, who was in my class all through primary school, hanged himself at the age of 15. It made the national papers and our family found out about it while we were on holiday in Tenerife. Apparently he had been grounded for some sort of misdemeanour and, when his sister went up to check that he wasn't smoking, she found him dead. Also my friend's ex boyfriend's twin brother hanged himself while the family were on holiday and was found by his twin who has experienced chronic mental health problems ever since and has very vivid nightmares about it almost every day. It is so, so tragic whenever somebody dies but suicide is particularly grief triggering, in my opinion and experience, as you wonder how tormented they must have been feeling to take their own life.
     

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