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Suffering from depression - need help

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by The_Teacher1010, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. Hello, I am 6 years into my career and I in September I started a new role at a new school. After having 6 wonderful years of teaching in 3 very different schools I decided to leave my last school in order to seek promotion. I am not an assistant head at a primary school.
    The problem is that I am really not happy at this school. I have thought about whether it is the role or the school and although I desperately miss having my own class and being a "teacher", I actually do not like the school and I am so unhappy. I have been to see my doctor on the advice of people around me as they noticed a change in me. I was told that I am depressed! I always thought this would never be me. I have always been a strong person who can deal with anything as I have had to deal with lots in my life. My doctor advised that I left my job as she could see that it was getting me ill (this was in October before half-term). I ignored her as I thought I could do it and I decided not to hand in my notice. I have always done well and I thought that this would be admitting defeat and that I should be able to cope with it all. Over the past few weeks I have been getting worse and there have been times where I have not wanted to go on with anything. I hate talking to my friends and I keep cancelling any plans to see anyone. I hardly sleep and I feel like I am about to start crying at the drop of a hat. The other week I just sat in my car unable to move or drive or get to work. I have been having anxiety attacks now and I am really confused. I have now realised that I need to leave and I should have listened to my doctor and 3 people close to me and handed in my notice. I am now going to have to leave at Easter. I am so worried about what this will look like on my CV? Leaving mid-year? I am also worried about finding work if I leave. I need the money and I have financial problems too so I sometimes think there is no point in doing anything as I can't get out of this situation and think I would be better off getting away from it all.
    I am tried of going in to a workplace where the head has no respect for any of her staff and where people are being attacked on a daily basis by children yet the head refuses to do anything about it. I don't want to be hurt at work. I get so anxious in the morning that I become sick.
    I have been off work on and off and I have had 7 days off and feel like I can't carry on. I need some help or advice. I am being taken back to the doctor tomorrow as members of my family are now worried which worries me.
    I think maybe I should leave the profession but I have actually loved it but I am so scared about what my future holds for me.
  2. Reading your message was like looking in a mirror!
    Except I haven't made it to the doctor yet.
    Reinforced the fact that I really must go.
  3. Thank you for your advice!
    I went to the doctors a few weeks ago and he said I shouldn't be working. I just could not see it. It has been hard being off work as I feel so guilty and in many ways I am not scared of my workplace even more. I do think that the two doctors I have seen who have said the same thing were right and I was and still am not very well.
    I am supposed to be going back to work at some point this week but my doctor needs to see me again. I am still very anxious on most days and there are still many nights where I do not sleep at all. The thought of going back to work scares me as I worried about what people will think and the things they will ask me! As a result of having this time off I did have some good nights of sleep and I have started eating properly again. I lost a lot of weight very suddenly.
  4. smartiemonster

    smartiemonster New commenter

    Thanks for the support Joni. I went to the doctor but I ended up seeing a youg inexperienced locum that just told me to change my diet and get exercise. Didn't really look at my medical history. I wanted her to tell me not to go back. I am so scared, I spent all of sunday evening crying about going in on Monday. I can't take any more abuse from the kids and the other staff. I am still on probation and I am worried that they will tell me not to come back. I can't lose another job for this disease, i just want to got to work and do well, not come home feeling like I have been assaulted every day. I told them I had flu today, well, my mum did I was in too much of a state to even pick up the phone. Now I am up at 2.30am stressing about what to tell them tomorrow.
    This job is making me not want to live and I hate it.
  5. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    Go back to the doc's pet. Insist on seeing someone other than a locum. (What an idiot she sounds.) Take a friend or your mom to speak up for you. NO JOB is worth feeling so low over, I promise. Get signed off: you are unwell. Even if you did have flu you wouldn't be fit to go in after a couple of days, and this sounds much worse.
    Keep posting on here, chick, and take care of yourself.
  6. chuk

    chuk New commenter

    I have read your posts, and I hope you have not gone into work today. You need to go straight back to the doctor and get him to sign you off for the rest of the week at least. Your health comes first, because in the world of teaching, if you are not feeling 100%, you are not doing the children any favours at all. I have been off work for over two months now, and hopefully will be having a back to work meeting this week. Although I was beating myself up about taking time off, having panic attacks, and generally having a miserable time, I knew that I HAD to step back and forget about work for a while.
    Remember, there are plenty of people out there who can and will help you. There is absolutely no shame in taking time out to address some of the difficulties you are experiencing. Strong people are not afraid to ask for help. If you don't do it now, you will regret it. Phone the teacher support network, or ask for help from your human resources department. They may be able to offer you some support. Also occupational health will be able to help you negotiate with your employer.
    If things get really desperate, don't forget, there is the samaritans support helpline. I'm sure your family will rally round and help. If you do get signed off , make sure you try and go for lots of walks in the fresh air, and eat little and often. Plenty of fruit and vegetables are beneficial, and try to get as much sleep as possible. Take care, and keep posting. There is a whole wealth of experience out there, and people who have been through what you are going through to help you. Look after yourself, you WILL get through this!
  7. chuk

    chuk New commenter

    Just incase there is any confusion my last post was in reply to smartiemonster!
  8. hi smartiemonster, at 2.30 in the morning you should be tucked up in bed not writing this stuff. please go again to the doctors and do not see a locum. I agree with the OP, take your mum or a friend. I hope you haven't gone into work today?
  9. I feel the same. I actually hate myself and hate that I am feeling like this. I have no motivation for anything anymore.

  10. Torey

    Torey Occasional commenter

    Reading your posts it doesn't seem that you are 'ill' but that you are having an understandable reaction to a stressful situation. No one should work somewhere they are scared of being attacked and don't have support. I think you should stay off and ring your union at regional for advice and look to get out before your health suffers any more. Teacher support line would help as well.
  11. jonowen

    jonowen Occasional commenter

    Smartie, how are you? Hope you are feeling a bit better........please say you are.
  12. I feel like I should go back. The thought of it scares me. I am so worried about what the head will think and also what staying off work will do to my career. Will anyone ever hire me again?
    I feel bad that I started at this school in September and I have had so much time off and now I planning on leaving by Easter. Will I get a reference? My head hardly knows me? Will she say I have had so much time off?
    I have heard another teacher has been attacked. The place is horrible. The thought of going back frightens me to the point where I have another attack.

  13. Hi
    I am thinking of resigning so I can leave at the end of the Spring Term (30th April) but I am worried that I cannot resign while off sick. Also I am worried that I will never get hired again as I have been signed off and I have left a school after not being there for long.
    I am so worried about everything. I am still barely sleeping. I feel so scared of the school,
    Has anyone got any advice or knows of any situations where people have left while on long term sick and have they been able to secure another post?
    Thanks for the support. I think I would be lost without this site and the forums.

  14. Hi,
    I always read the forums, but now decided to sign up to reply. I was like OP and smarties. I used to wake up and think of excuses to ring school and try and get the day off. Used to dougbt my teaching ability, and became too scared to tell anyone, so would keep it to myself (refused to go doctors incase they laughed)
    I told my mum and boyfriend who supported me 100% in handing in my notice with no job to go to. Yes I dont have any finanical commitments, but still I scary thing to do. That was in May, and by July 7th, I got a job at the school I am currently at. I feel so much better about myself and being a teacher. Ok so the school is not that great, and I will be looking for a new place for September, but thats the way it goes sometimes (maybe not even teaching - i feel like doing a office job). I don't care what it looks like to others or what it says on my CV, because deep down - my health and well being it what is most important.

    Please OP and smarties, who what is right for yourself. Please feel free to pm me. But everyone on here especially cares about both of you and want to best.

  15. I am still signed off but I am terrified of what the school thinks and also what the head thinks. I actually can't think of her because it scares me. Why I am so scared of someone is a mystery.
    At times I feel like there is no hope for the future. I will continue to see my doctor and do what she says.
    Thank you.
  16. jonowen

    jonowen Occasional commenter

    Hi Teacher1010, there is hope for the future - keep telling yourself that. I too am scared of people but I firmly believe in justice and stand up for myself, then worry myself sick about what people think of my opinions. What the HT and school think don't really matter - you have a Dr's official opinion that you are not fit to be at work - that's the end of it.
    Hope you can have an enjoyable Christmas and try not to worry too much, take care.
    Joni xx
  17. Hello
    Dont leave.
    I had a similar very painful experience myself but discovered it was just the school not me.
    It might take time but you will get the love back for your profession.
    Dont worry about the CV. worry about being well and looking after you.
    Do not hand in your notice.
    I suggest you ... speak to your GP, then write a log of all thats happened all the dates everything, contact your union and ask for teacher support; then ask them also to get the regional rep to contact you.
    This will be hard as you are not feeling too great.
    Your GP will support you but you must be honest - go with a list of what has happened to you with regard to your health and lack of sleep et recently.
    Remember you are the most important person and you must look after you.
    Take it easy if you can get routines to help you do things - if you are signed off sick then follow the advice given. It can be tough but usually it works in the long run.
    Ask work for counselling through occupational health they have a duty of care to you and your health.
    Take care
  18. Can anyone tell me a little about a compromise agreement?

    Thank you.
  19. Hi,

    I know people will tell me not to make big decisions but I have made the decision to leave at Easter as I planned earlier. I am still of sick and yes I do have days where I am very anxious and down and usually those are days when I am contacted by someone at school or I think of school. The head is leaving me alone but I am scared of her. Since having no contact with her my panic attacks have stopped. I know I need to resign by the end of Feb and I am in the process of writing my resignation letter. I just don't know how to go about resigning while off. Shall I post it to school? I really can not face talking to her or really having any contact with her at all. Shall I email it? Or both? My biggest fear is that she says she didn't get it and expects me to return! I need to move on with my life and I can't do that while tied to that place! Please help.

    I really don't know what to do. If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice could they please help me. I have posted this elsewhere too as I really need some advice.

    Thank you. I do appreciate the help.
  20. lrw22

    lrw22 Established commenter

    Don't do anything without speaking to your union.

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