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Student and teacher relationships- A serious post!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Finisterre, Oct 2, 2009.

  1. I think that's a bit barmy.
    What position does the GTC take?
  2. mathsman

    mathsman Occasional commenter

    I would suggest changing jobs if these feelings continue - it's not worth risking ruining your career over. If you were to start work elsewhere then a future relationship with him would then be a possibility
    Wait and see how you feel at Christmas. I wouldn't worry about what to do next June - things are sure to change by then
    Good luck
  3. I actualy have no idea what the GTC think and don't want to ask them incase they link me and this student.
    I can't leave this job- it's honestly my dream job. The question is which is more important, love or work? Can't believe I just said the word 'love' haven't linked that word to him until now.
    It's just weird as I am young and he is young and I know that I would be foolish to risk my career (which I plan to have for life) but I can't help daydreaming about being with him and travelling with him - even down to the whole marriage and kids thing.
    Today we were chatting and he told me that he is actually changing his uni course as he wants to get married and have kids and he doesn't want to be training to do a job that wouldn't let him have that sort of lifestyle (basically he was doing a city finace type degree which fasttracks you into the financial world). I felt like he was aiming this chat directly at me as if to say that the balls in my court and it's my choice.
    He just makes my heart flutter and I am really feeling so mixed up right now! The media tells us that falling for a student is so wrong so I feel so evil even though this started before I started my job!
  4. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

  5. Seren, that made me smile! [​IMG] used to read seventeen when I was younger! It also made me realise what a lovesick child i'm being. I suspect that you posted that as a way of mocking but you actually made a valid point- i'm being childish.
  6. Thanks OP. I needed a laugh.
  7. my pleasure! [​IMG]
    Although I actually was being serious....you lot remind me of some of my mates- half would be serious and actually try to help, the other half would laugh and kick me back into reality.
    Seriously though, I was being honest and serious in my OP.
  8. Then leave your job before you get the sack. Simples.
  9. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Is that supposed to make it better?
    Wind up or stupid - that's the choices. Which doesn't really make a difference.
    Frankly, you should try the friends who'd try to help because the only sensible advice anyone genuinely in this position could get is 'get a grip' or leave.

  10. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    relationships of the heart are never childish, althouth our dreams are sometimes
    reality..even though above a legal age and classified as an adult, its not good to mix pleasure and business.
    Your feelings sound more like dreams than reality and you have to challange yourself if your professional integrity is worth the risk of love for possible brief moment.Evenif it lasted you would be talked abaout in the school for a long time to come and receive a mixture of comments and opinions.some positive and some negative.can you live witthen especailly if it impinges upon your teaching and relationships with other student.
    I see lots of women in work(have to it a women dominated evironment) but even if i fancied them, besides being married, i have to face the possible consquences of working with a fellow teacher who might have been a 'love'.
    If you cant leave , then the choice is sure..resist the temptation till this young man leaves, or he is made to realise he cant have and you try very hard not to become involved.
  11. Thanks oldsomeman. It's nice to have a sensible reply. I know that my OP doesn't seem like a sensible situation to be in but like you said 'relationships of the heart are never childish' so a sensible answer is appreciated.
    I know that I couldn't have a relationship with him while he is at the college and if I did afterwards I certainly couldn't tell anyone for a while.
    Funily enough one of my colleagues is an ex student of the school and her partner is also an ex student but he was 3 years below her....our other colleagues are great with them and never seem bothered. He is only one year older than 'my' guy.

  12. I don't get it. How can you be 22 and a secondary teacher? You need to do the PGCE course first and if you just did a straight Bed, then that's geared towards primary teaching. Or maybe I am wrong and you were 21 when you got your degree and then did a pgce immediately afterwards.
    Second, believe it or not, if he is 18, you are allowed to have a relationship with him, because the law says you can't have a relationship with 16-18 year olds but once they turn 18, they are an adult so you can if you wanted to.
    Of course, if you were his teacher then you would be given the sack if found to be having a relationship with him anyway, but it wouldn't be a criminal offence if he is 18.
    Paedophiles are people who seek out children, especially under the age of 13, although the media call anyone who has had a relationship with an under 16 a paedophile sometimes anyway.
    If you knew him as a friend before you became his teacher then you haven't done anything wrong if you fancied him beforehand.

    I would go to the head or head of department and explain the situation and see if he could be taught by someone else. I am not saying I agree to you or anyone having a relationship with him, but I am just saying it wouldn't be illegal at 18. I may be completely wrong and it m ay even be 19, but I think it stops at 18.
  13. Spot on...I got my degree at 21 then did my PGCE straight away. My friend at work did exactly the same and we both agree that we look young enough to be students ourselves!
    Thanks for your post, I think deep down I know that I have down nothing wrong but I also know that nothing can happen either.
  14. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    noooooooooooooooooo.... it can't end yet:
    • <li class="additionalInfo">
      <h4>Topic activity</h4>

      13 responses
    You've got miles to go before you reach:

  15. Thanks again Seren....it's good to know that there are still some cynical people out there who like to make fun of people genuinely wanting to off load.[​IMG]
    Seriously though - why pick on me for this? I know that this is an open forum so people can respond how they like but why act like this and try to make me feel like the troll ' ms.l' that posted about 'her' colleague? If a child acted like this in school I would acuse them of bullying and tell them not to be horrible to someone just because they have been honest and asked for help.
    I have seen your posts on here before and in my usual guise you have been amazing in giving advice in the past- to the point where you helped me more than you could possibly know. I have seen better from you than this, please don't treat me like a troll.
  16. Maybe someone should wade in with the 'it could be true love argument... this may be something you could regret for the rest of your life'...
  17. What do you teach? And what point of the teacher's scale are you on? It's quite strange that you knew this guy when you were at uni.
  18. This is something I would NEVER mbark on. Not only, in my personal opinion, does it look unprofessional. To me I have always kept that barrier of Teacher and student and the thought of anything else, personally, repulses me.
    You must make sure that you treat this boy equally as people do start catching on it may have reprocussions. And these things can be picked up on and then rummours could be started. When you talk about him you make it seem like some teenage crush, and such things the youngsters would be very receptive to, so do be careful.

  19. You've pretty much summed it up; you have done nothing wrong but don't let anything happen! Like you I was 22 when I started teaching and I will admit there was a y13 I used to look at and think "phwoor!" but you just can't let it go any further.
    If it makes you feel any better I frequently fantasise about punching my y11s [​IMG] but that doesn't make me a violent person IMO that would only apply if I did it!
  20. jacob

    jacob Lead commenter

    Jacob's broken heart column replies:
    Dear Moneytree
    he is NOT mature, and you are barely. For an 18 year old boy who is a raging bag of hormones probably with unexplained trouser eruptions and nocturnal emissions, the conquest of "Miss" carries "street cred", and can be told, retold and embellished all through University. For you it equals being fooled, being taken for a sucker, possible loss of employment (even after the year end) and emotional distress.
    Run away! Run away now! Run far far away! And don't look back! Get a "real man". Get a life, but please do not fall for it.

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