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Struggling

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by Bored_Face, Jan 13, 2011.

  1. Hello, i'm sorry to have to post this,
    I posted a long time back, when I suspected I was depressed and went to the doctor.
    I was diagnosed and put on 20mg of citalopram; this worked after a month and I felt quite good. The best I had felt in a while; genuinely thought i'm fiine, I can take the world on goood things are coming for me I can do this. II went back to my GP and kept this up for about three-four months.
    I started feeling down again. He put my dosage up to 30mg. I stayed on this for about two months. I never felt very good, marginally better but not amazing.
    I went back and he put me up to 40mg. This zonked me out, I spent a lot of the christmas break sleeping throughout the day. I struggled to get on with things.

    A month later, (the other day), I went back to the same doctor and he just would not listen to me. I've been feeling really down over the festive period and i'm finding it hard to face work. I said I think I need to change medication. However, I have an appointment with a psyciatrist that is two months from now. He said he wont change it, because I can wait two months; he gave me two months worth of medication and sent me away. This was an emergency appointment.

    The day after I couldn't cope and went for a second emergency appointment, I got back to the doctors and saw a different GP. Again, I said I want medication changed. She asked me to give her a week to see what she can do.
    She phoned me not long after I got home, she had contacted the secretary of the psyciatrist I am to see and my appointment is tomorrow (I saw the doctor two-three days ago).

    I would appreciate any advice. I feel awful my lifes a mess.
     
  2. I'm not sure what you are hoping will happen. Did your GP(s) explain why they are loath to change meds? It can't be purely dosage-based because you felt well for a time on 20mg and deteriorated after that even with a higher dose. Perhaps they think that the meds aren't doing the trick anyway and are awaiting a comment from the psychiatrist, but there's not much value in my attempting to second-guess them.
    If the second GP has managed to get you an appointment tomorrow, they she has taken your request for help seriously. Chopping and changing meds involves several weeks of feeling pretty lousy and disorientated so maybe they think it's best to get an evaluation first.
    The first doctor sounds very unsympathetic - two months is a long time to wait in your state, and I don;t know what he's expecting you to do - soldier on? Crawl under the covers and stay there? Ridiculous. Try and avoid him.
    I hope it all goes well tomorrow but there will probably be another delay while the psych prepares a report and the GPs discuss the way forward. It may be that the higher dose of Citalopram will start having an effect that isn't just coma soon, but if it doesn't, they should at least tell you why they're not listening to your request to change antidepressant.
     
  3. I don't work tomorrow but if i did i would have been in bed an hour ago! There aren't many people still up!
     
  4. Thank you. I'm feeling desperate after the evening I have had. I'm sorry I know it's late.

    The first GP, I will be avoiding as you suggested. He was happy to say wait two months, deal with it. This second GP I feel she went out her way for me. Both to see me what day without an appointment and to phone and convince them to change my appointment.

    The 2nd GP said to me, if I really want to treatment changed then she will do that for me. I am aware that there are withdrawal symptoms coming off of one and even more if you go onto a new antidepressant. The 2nd GP said okay, I wish for you to bear with me and I will contact the secretary. She said I may hear within a week. In case I hadn't heard from the psyciatrist, she gave an appointment for next week and we can change medication.

    She said the change would possibly be somethign a specialist should be dealing with.

    I'm glad to have been in touch with another doctor, I really trusted my 1st one as I sat in tears and he promised he'd help me when he put me on 20mg of citalopram.

    I'm scared that the psyciatrist tells me there's something bigger wrong with me, I feel there may be. But I just don't know.

    Thank you so much lillyofthefield
    Sorry for spelling/grammar errors
     
  5. I don't work Friday either (or more truthfully, I work at home unpaid on paperwork for my part time job). I was diagnosed with depression in the October half term and put on 20mg fluoxetine/Prozac. I never felt suicidal or really sad-just tired to the point of catatonic and unable to motivate myself to complete tasks-this has probably gone on anything up to 2 years-but was assumed to be symptoms of chronic arthritis which always worsened in the winter months or side effects from the anti inflammatories and pain killers I have to take to keep the pain manageable
    I haven't felt any great improvement in my mood-I think the start of my recovery came with the diagnosis-I had been led to believe by original GP that I was just on a downward slope of worsening pain, joint stiffness etc; but at least for me the depression diagnosis means that I could get better.
    I now see the 'new' salaried GP in our practice and have to go back every 4 weeks to have a chat with him and get my next prescription. Because I felt such a slow improvement, I asked if I could try a higher dose whilst off school in the xmas hols. This may match your experience-the higher dose just seemed to give me lots of problems from increased side effects-especially headaches and they knocked me out,so I couldn't sort out the best time to take them-I take my dose about 8.30pm. I have gone back to the original lower dose-and have started to go through the online counselling/training programme on Moodgym (Dr hasn't suggested counselling and I haven't wanted it ).
    I remember there being threads in November about people having weird dreams and other strange side effects with citalopram. My GP decided on Prozac for me as he thought that this was the SSRI that seemed to be best tolerated-maybe your GP thinks that a change in meds won't get to the bottom of your problems (a bit like people who emigrate and are still miserable because they have taken their issues with them). Did you have a certain AD in mind that you wanted to move on to ? Perhaps because of someone else's good results on it?
    One thing I can recommend is to do something pro-active and have a look at the BNF website and check up the side effects of different anti depressants. You have to register to get access but don't have to be a medical professional- I registered as 'a teacher with interests in health issues' many years ago (all true). The web address is <u>http://bnf.org/bnf/</u> there is a menu on the left hand side of the home page-registration is near the bottom in the choices
    I will be around tomorrow if you want/need to pm me
    Take care
    JJ x
     
  6. Hello JJ
    I think we perhaps agree with the high dosage of the same drug; never suited in the first place, I hadn't had anything else suggested (i'm quite young) and I wasn't sure what to expect. Now i'm more a mess than in the first place with mood all over the place. I've been crying all night. This is ridiculous.

    Thank you so much for your advice. If i'm up early enough, I will have a look at the wesbite you suggested. It's just the stigma of a "psychiatric assessmen" i'm frightened of. I know maybe he/she can help me.

    My heads a mess it's so so silly. There are people sick/dying and here I am whinging about pretty much nothing in comparisson.
     
  7. At least that will be so much better than an unsympathetic GP. [​IMG] Lets face it, the assessment part is just so that you get the 'best fit' diagnosis and treatment-rather than wasting any more of your time or life on treatments that don't suit you and won't make you better.
    Do you have any support at home (family, partner, dog ?)
    If you feel like reading any other posts-I recommend that you check out the MH recovery thread-plenty of good advice and support on there from people with far more experience of MH issues than me.
     
  8. I know. I know i've got somewhere buti'm angry at myself for having to get here and do this. I hadn't expected to get to this point.

    Tonight my best friend said she doesn't want anything to do with me, she was my main support. Now she can't deal with it. Said she thought I was bipolar.
    I have no partner. I have some animals to chat to yes, but they wont answer.

    Thank you
     
  9. They don't need to answer. Just snuggle up sometimes. Most importantly, they give you good reason to pay attention to something outside your own head.
    Hope the psych evaluation works out for you.
     
  10. Hi
    I dont think I can add much but I wanted to second JJs suggestion of joining us on MH Spa thread as there are alot of us with similar problems.Although no one has the answers but we can be sympathetic as we have experienced similar.
    You mentioned your 'friend' who said she wont help.I have to say before I had a breakdown I never fully understood and I think its really really hard for people to ever fully understand.I think this more so as Im going through it and I dont understand myself and my reactions sometimes.
    My husband has been great but after months hes now starting to get snappy and cross at me and its really hard as I just want him to keep calm but I dont blame hima s it must be frustrating to watch
    I had a breakdown in sept - Im still off work - been on prozac and after changing dosage/bad side effects I changed tablets and finally feeling more settled today but in no way 'cured'
    I think in my case counselling has really helped.I always thought you always had to have a traumatic life for it to actually work but to be honest Ive found it the most helpful as I have been very erratic and irrational throughout my illness and it helps to put your thought into words.
    Ive been in counselling since sept/oct and its only now I feel the benefit.Some people find it helps immediately.Although its hard work.
    I hope it goes well at your assesment.Please dont worry though and just be as honest as you can
    With the pets....You are right that they dont seem to help as they cant talk/but to be honest I dont thnk many people can help as no one has the answers as no one feels it but you.I found my counsellor helped alot as he helps me find the answers.
    I have to add Ive just recently added a pet to my collection and have to say they help.with dogs - just getting into the fresh air with them or cats - stroking them and just sitting still with them on you knee.My dog saved me as Ive stoped rushing around when I suddenly get a good day.so take it easy now.
    Good luck and keep posting as I find coming on here saves me sometimes


     
  11. Sorry Lily I can't take credit for the website-all I did was follow Rosies instructions, did a google search and pasted the link for the article.
    I have just skimmed through a bit of it, and have just pasted it into a
    word document and printed it out-I want to check it out later.
    But I so agree-I also feel that fellow sufferers should print it out and stand over our line managers and make them read it
    Did you also see the 12 essential facts about depressive illness-that is really good too (printer printing out one page large print copy as I type)
    Now I must try and get on with some school work now, to try and avoid the sunday afternoon blues this weekend
    JJ
     
  12. Oh yes, thanks rosiesvoice!
     
  13. I recognise some of those attributes. I have been described a s a perfectionist. i couldn't see it but apparently I set myself targets that i just cannot achieve so i fail, making me think that i am failure, so setting these targets... It certainly dents your self confidence! And so many people cannot see it. They think that you are a danger; despite everything, MH issues are still very scary for a lot of people. The school where i worked were very scared and made sure that i ahd to leave.
    A psychiatric assessment is not a bad thing. I found it the start of my road back to health. I had to go private and it cost. God, it was painful but the recommendations made for my treatment were good and made sure that the GP practice had a plan to follow from an expert. GP are only general, not experts even if one has an 'expertise'. And they are all different in their responses to different issues. I ended up seeing a psycholgist and not a counsellor-someone who had a lot of expertise and training. There are many levels of expertise and training in MH conditions; too many counsellors are, unfortunately, superficial because of their training. The psychologist deconstructed me-or rather the questions led to answers which did that. It also made me feel less guilt about some of the answers I came up with.
    The psych assessment may well find/indicate where your MH issues emanate which is good. If not, it should give a plan of treatment to help you-even recommendations for medication.The 2nd GP sounds really supportive if she managed to swing an earlier date. What is happening is positive even if it does not feel it.
     
  14. Lily I totally agree... I found alot of people supportive three months ago are slightly tired of my now! My sister told me a few weeks ago she wanted to 'give me a shake' which I took in good grace at the time! as I would give myself a good shake every day if I thought it would work!as Im sure we all would!
     
  15. Hi everyone, thank you for the resonses it's been really interesting to hear what other people have been dealing with.

    I was pretty terrified when I got up this morning but once I got in the doctor was nice and had a calming voice; I don't know what a calming voice is but he seemed to have one. Over next two weeks i'm changing medication.
     
  16. I have suffered low level depression over last 17 years, it became acute about 2 1/2 years ago. I have been permanently on medication for that 2 1/2 years. whether it's the best I don't know and to be honest i don;t know if any other would be better. Am I best placed to know?
    I still get black periods and they last for a few days rather than weeks now and when I am in the midst of one I just try to tell myself to hold tight and it will pass.
    I normally remove myself from company and I know that my OH finds it difficult but as yet he hasn't lost patience with me and I hope that he doesn't.
     

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