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Struggling with work

Discussion in 'Personal' started by katherinelily, Feb 8, 2011.

  1. Recently I was observed teaching and my lesson was deemed inadequate (because of behaviour.)
    A support plan was then put in place for me but in reality it has undermined me even further and I have lost whatever confidence I had in myself as a teacher. I feel eaten up with anxiety every day that someone will mention capability procedures. I don't feel I can trust anybody or be honest about how I actually feel.
    I am desperate to leave teaching. I don't have any confidence, feel as though I cannot do anything right and it just gets me down being treated so awfully both from the students but from staff and parents as well. Also, and while I can't go into detail on here, someone has done something so nasty and sneaky I can scarcely believe it but it has resulted in hours and hours of work for me and also has made me look hopelessly incompetent.
    I desperately want a baby, but I don't seem to be able to get pregnant. The doctor is reluctant to help me because my BMI is in the overweight category at 27. I'm trying to lose weight but it's so hard at the moment.
    Can anybody help? I don't know who or what I can turn to. My partner tries to help but doesn't really understand the pressure I am under - "ignore them" is his only advice, and he is getting fed up both with the fact that I am working all the time and also that I cry most days. He also worries about money (so do I) as at the moment we own a small two bedroomed property and want to move to a larger one, this of course would not be possible if I gave up teaching. I don't want to put all the pressure of bringing in money on him but I can't carry on like this either.
     
  2. Recently I was observed teaching and my lesson was deemed inadequate (because of behaviour.)
    A support plan was then put in place for me but in reality it has undermined me even further and I have lost whatever confidence I had in myself as a teacher. I feel eaten up with anxiety every day that someone will mention capability procedures. I don't feel I can trust anybody or be honest about how I actually feel.
    I am desperate to leave teaching. I don't have any confidence, feel as though I cannot do anything right and it just gets me down being treated so awfully both from the students but from staff and parents as well. Also, and while I can't go into detail on here, someone has done something so nasty and sneaky I can scarcely believe it but it has resulted in hours and hours of work for me and also has made me look hopelessly incompetent.
    I desperately want a baby, but I don't seem to be able to get pregnant. The doctor is reluctant to help me because my BMI is in the overweight category at 27. I'm trying to lose weight but it's so hard at the moment.
    Can anybody help? I don't know who or what I can turn to. My partner tries to help but doesn't really understand the pressure I am under - "ignore them" is his only advice, and he is getting fed up both with the fact that I am working all the time and also that I cry most days. He also worries about money (so do I) as at the moment we own a small two bedroomed property and want to move to a larger one, this of course would not be possible if I gave up teaching. I don't want to put all the pressure of bringing in money on him but I can't carry on like this either.
     
  3. Sorry you have having such a s.hitty time.
    When you say the support plan has "underminded" you - in what way do you mean? Do you mean you feel embarrassed or do you mean it is inadequate? Are they expecting things which you feel you cannot do or do you think they cannot be done, by anyone, as they are too abstract or not practicable?
    If you were given a support plan you should also be getting regular feedback - is this happening?
    I think the baby issue is separate but it could be getting you really down which is perhaps influencing the way you think in general and making you feel so low in confidence?
    Are you really sure you want to leave teaching completely and do you have an idea what else you would like to do?
    Or do you think your support plan needs adapting?

     
  4. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Have you thought of contacting
    http://teachersupport.info/
    and have you spoken to your union.
    You should get some advice before you jump imto doing anything hasty, because of the financial implications. Don't presume there's no future for you in teaching. You're having a bad time but don't give up yet - people have come back from situations like this before.
    You really need to talk to someone who can help you consider your options.
    Have you joined Weightwatchers or another support group for losing weight.
    Take care.
     
  5. Torey

    Torey Occasional commenter

    Turn to your union and teacher support line. Don't talk to anyone at work about this.
    If your doctor won't help because of your BMI, then ask him for support to help you lose weight.
     
  6. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    The teacher support line is confidential so you could tell them what you can't tell us and maybe they can offer you some advice. Also speak to your area union rep. as soon as you can because you need to be sure that you will be treated fairly.
    As for the baby thing, you need to be very sure that it is what you want and then perhaps it will motivate you to lose the weight?
     
  7. I've spoken to teacher support, did so on Sunday when it all got too much and I felt as if I was going to be sick. They were very kind but there isn't a lot anybody can do at this stage. I have no proof (even though I know what has actually happened, I cannot prove it.)
    I'm not really sure how to take the line about being sure a baby is what I want. It's all I want but because I'm twelve pounds above where I should be, according to the BMI chart, no one wants to know. I tried Lighter Life a while ago but I got so unbearably hungry I couldn't stand it.
     
  8. Then you need to forget it. Honestly. Stop beating yourself up about it and put it down to experience, no matter how nasty it was. It will eat you up otherwise.
    What about the rest? The support plan etc? - You can speak to teach support and your union about that too.
    And I don't think marshy meant anything nasty with the baby comment - I think she was just trying to gently point out that sometimes we tend to think a baby will solve all problems but you would still (so it seems) need to continue working anyway and so your job problems would still be there.

     
  9. Katherine, I really feel like I could have written your post myself. I too am on an informal support programme, which in reality has required me to visit another school for a day to observe an outstanding teacher there (very motivating that was; made me realise how much I hate my current job set-up) and evaluate the layout of my classroom.
    Today I had to cope with the HT & DHT jointly observing my lesson.... all I can think about is that in the office after school they were discussing me in the most minute of details, trying to find teh next stick to beat me around the head with.... does that make me paranoid?
    We're trying for a baby too - we have just been given our first appointment at a fertility clinc - and the stressand worry of that doesn't help (nor does work stress help with a relaxed approach to conceiving!)
    I don't have an answer; I just wanted you to know that you're not alone....
     
  10. Been through all that you describe, KL. The job is very unlikely to get better and will probably get worse - in my case, they did decide to go down the capability route. I had a long struggle without a job for a while and with my confidence in ruins.
    You may find that you feel differently if you teach in another school though - perhaps hunting for a new job would be a plan?
    Please don't get bogged down with money - you may want a larger house but you'd survive with a baby in a two bedroomed one. This job is going to wreck your health if you aren't careful. I'd start looking for a new job and set a deadline when you'll quit anyway if you haven't got one. Explain to your partner that you can't ignore your senior management - that if he doesn't want you to be working all the time and crying all the time that you have to leave this school.
    I never managed to have the baby I wanted but I'm healthy again, in many ways happy and doing really well at my new school.
    Life won't always as bad as this.
     
  11. I meant, life won't always be as bad as this.
     
  12. Me too.
    My DH has put a plan in place for me to observe other teachers and monitor my planning. I received a satisfactory with elements of good from my HT and an advisory HT. I should feel supported but I feel highly embarassed and undermined. She warned me that my next observation 'better be good', so ggoodness knows what she'll do if it isn't.
    We've been trying for a baby for almost 2 years without success. We've had fertility appts but I need to lose weight before they'll investigate me further. I'm about to join Lighterlife again as I had great success a few years ago.
    Ultimately I think I want out of teaching, not because of the children, but I'm sick of bveing so down on myself. I was in a meeting with an ed psych (sp?) the other day who told me to stop being so apologetic and hard on myself.
    Unfortunately you're not alone in this and I'm sorry that you're feeling so down.
     
  13. I find that very cruel and totally unprofessional of her.
    A support plan is supposed to help - not be threatening or an axe over your head.
    And I don't know about teaching in the UK but support plans here are monitored and BOTH sides are monitored. So your employer is monitored too because it is just to easy to say "do this and things will be ok". Support needs to be ongoing and adapted until the issues are solved.
    Smacks to me like some of you have very incompetent - at best - or nasty - at worst - bosses!

     
  14. That's exactly how I feel! I left a school that had major issues (not me, generally) to have a clean start. In hindsight I was never ready to take on a new post but I hoped my confidence with recover and that my love for the job would return.
    I feel for the members of staff that I have to observe as she is observing with me to then have a 'professional dialogue' about strategies etc I'll take on. I hate causing extra stress to others.
    So I'm only satisfactory, clearly not able to have a professional dialogue without her help and fear a huge fall. What a perfect way to conduct life at work [​IMG]
     
  15. Thank you. I am afraid it is not as simple as forgetting about it as it may well have some very far reaching implications and I am still undecided about what to do regarding it. Suffice to say that it was not a small but annoying action, it was deliberate, malicious and extremely cunning.
    Going on supply isn't an option at the moment due to mortgage committments and lack of work (secondary) but thank you for the idea.
    I wonder how many ladies are unable to conceive because of teaching!
     
  16. I understand, but if you cannot prove it, you cannot do anything about it.
    It will boil down to your word against their's and it will cost you energy and stress for no result.
    Try looking at it from a different angle - how did whoever it was manage to do it without you being able to prove it? Ensure that nobody can do that again. These are the lessons we must take from such things.
    Some ways of avoiding such things in future...
    log everything
    communicate via email
    if somebody says something to you verbally, send an email saying "just to keep a note of what we just discussed, point a, b, c. Please write back with any further input or amendments".
    Send emails with the "receiver has read" confirmation option.
    ensure all important discussions are not one-to-one, or at least ask for a second meeting with a third party
    etc, etc.


     
  17. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I'd love to see those SLT members who insist on whizzo lesson performance from their staff tested by the same criteria themselves.

    ..in a different school to their own, where nobody knows them, or knows that they're SLT.

    How about that for a reality TV format?
     
  18. I have just been given a wonderful idea on my other thread. I will have my CEOs faffing on with spaghetti and marshmallows!
    But seriously - yes, msb - I reckon it would do some of them a world of good.
     
  19. Does anyone else find it worrying how many of us are facing the same battles at the same time - trying for a baby, lack of support at work, stress....? I wonder if it's all connected somehow?
     
  20. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Sorry Katherine, should have been clearer but I was being asked to do something at the same time and got a bit sidetracked.
    Anyhow, what I mean is:
    Weightloss is really hard if you don't feel motivated or lack the will power to do it. Perhaps by focusing on (a) a long term goal (having a baby) and (b) a short term goal (say losing 2 pounds by the end of xxx) it might help with the motivation/ lack of will power that is hindering your weight loss??
    As for the job, well it's a job and a bl00dy cr&ppy one most of the time (deadines and stuff) so to have more **** piled on top isn't going to help at all. Here are a few of my thoughts, they're probably of no use but hey, you never know...
    a) Look at your observation sheet, where did the marks go into satisfactory (or worse)?
    b) make a list of the areas.
    c) pick one (preferably one that will have the biggest impact) and focus on that.
    d) Get some advice about dealing with that area, try some of them out (perhaps on an amenable class), tweek it for your harder classes or leave it if it worked well.
    If that is successful then start on another area and so on, if you feel that the observation was unfairly biased have you got a buddy/mentor/ someone you trust who could come and observe a lesson and talk constructively on what needs improvement?
    If you truly feel defeated then perhaps you need to find something away from schools, because this job will make you ill and it really isn't worth it.

    If anything I've have written has upset you then I am truly sorry, it was not meant to upset but only to make you feel better and offer something constructive that you can do as this makes me feel in more in control and confident.
    If there is anything I can do (including reading lesson plans etc.) then please ask, I offer this because teaching can be a very lonely job particularly when you feel that people are stabbing you in the back.

    Good luck :)
     

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