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Struggling with grief

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by nugget, Jun 24, 2015.

  1. nugget

    nugget New commenter

    I just need to talk somewhere as I'm struggling with my emotions at work and very few people understand. My colleague died suddenly earlier in the year. It was a horrible shock and reduced us all to a blithering mess. We bravely battled through trying to keep the school working but somewhere lost our ability to talk about what happened and how we felt and how much we missed him. We are now organising a memorial event for Friday and I'm struggling to hold it together. The kids are talking again about how much they miss him and asking difficult questions, his wife and daughter will be in school and it's all just come crashing back to me about how unfair and horrid it all is. I feel like I have no right to feel this way as his family and those colleagues who were close friends clearly have it a billion times worse but I just want to cry all the time. I'm worried about some of the people around me. I know how I feel and they must feel worse. Everyone is being brave and pretending they are fine but I know this is hurting us all. I think we are all just too afraid of upsetting each other to say it out loud.

    I'm wondering if anyone has been through this and how you coped. I know eventually we will get there but at the moment it feels like we will grieve forever. It has been months already. People have told me to get over it and they're right, after all, I'm not the poor guys family, but it's hard to get over losing someone who meant so much to so many people and whose absence is felt every day.
  2. marlin

    marlin Star commenter

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't berate yourself for how you feel - this person obviously meant a lot to you and his dying has affected you deeply.

    Have you thought about contacting the Teacher Support Network? They offer counselling for you over the phone. It might help you find a way to cope with how your are feeling. The details are here - scroll down the page and you'll see that bereavement is one of the issues they can help with.


    Has the school offered any counselling for staff and pupils?

    Take care of yourself.
  3. sparklepig2002

    sparklepig2002 Star commenter

    Hello Nugget

    I am sorry to read your news. You have just as much right to feel sad as anyone else. My flat mate was killed in a coach crash on a school trip. She was the maths teacher at the school where we both taught. This was 30 years ago and I still miss her. It is a very difficult time for everyone. Just be yourself. It you want to cry, do so. Answer any questions from the children as openly and honestly as you can. I know this is a cliche, but time is a great healer. You never forget, but the pain of hte loss is numbed. At a later date, perhaps you could think of some sort of memorial for the teacher. The school sent some plants to my friend's parents-a great selection so that some of them were in flower in all seaons. A tree was also planted in the school grounds in her memory.

    I have been thinking about you today and hope the memorial service went as as well as it could.

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