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Struggling to come to terms with what has happened

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by lilykitty, Apr 19, 2011.

  1. lilykitty

    lilykitty New commenter

    You have to get yourself an emergency appointment with your GP and you have to be completely honest. Considering taking an overdose and moving back from that point is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is a HUGE warning and I think you know that. You MUST get help asap. Your GP should sign you off immediately. OK, I'll stop using shouty capitals now!
    I know it's rubbish timing to be signed off when you think you should be looking for a job, but there is only so much you can do at a time. It is very unlikely you will be able to cope with the demands of applications & interviews, along with your job, while you are this ill. If you keep forcing yourself, you could find yourself in a much worse situation. When you are well and strong you will be able to sort out whatever needs doing. Just separating from work for a while will give you some perspective.
    It is heartbreaking when the things we hope for don't work out, as you realised when you found your letter saying you had the job. But if you refrain from blaming it all on yourself and re-evaluate, you will go on to find so much else in life.
    I also strongly recommend you look at this document:
    I read it after seeing it recommended by another poster and now recommend it to everyone myself.
    Keep posting and know that you are supported and not alone.
  2. I don't understand why the school were so quick to act against you after the assault. Were they trying to cower you so you wouldn't kick up a fuss? Fixed-term exclusion for assaulting a teacher with a weapon, ***???!!!
    It sounds like there's another agenda at work, and that's what makes it so difficult to get your head round. As you report it, you have been done a series of terrible wrongs, and I'm not surprised you are suffering from panic attacks (sick, the foot-on-the-stair thing). I don't know how you can hope for any sort of closure over this unless you find out what is actually going on, and it seems frankly unlikely.
    So my advice would be to walk away. See your GP and ask for counselling to help you manage the anxiety symptoms (PTSD?) . You may wish to consider antidepressants to get you through the next few months. As you say, if you're looking for another job, a period of time off is not a great thing, but if it came up at interview, it would take a hard panel to mark you down for time off after an assault - not that they're allowed to ask anyway.
    Whatever happens, at the end of the day, you've had a bad experience at the hands of a thug who assaulted you and a school that screwed you over. But it's done. And it's only a job. You will get over it, but you won't get a chance to if you even consider an overdose.
    In the (once-helpful to me) words of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons (composer Bob Gaudio - yeah I saw Jersey Boys [​IMG])
    "No-one is worth
    Falling off the Earth".
  3. Thank you for all your replied to me, I really do appreciate them.
    I called the teacher support line a few weeks ago, I didn't find them all that helpful to be honest. Not in the sense that they weren't kind as they were but there's nothing anyone can do really, I suppose.
    The agenda at work is that they need to make redundancies. I can't have time off. I have a mortgage and I live on my own so I can't ask a partner to help out for a while. It's essential I get another post for September, I only resigned from the job I have because I was desperate.
  4. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    You do know that you can't be discriminated against for time of sick with stress?

    Did your union help you to negotiate a reference as part of your decision to resign?
  5. They didn't help with anything I'm afraid. I don't think I'll carry on subscribing.
    I realise you can't be discriminated against in theory but realistically, I'm not going to have a chance at getting another job if I have had time off.
  6. If you weren't happy with the service you received from the union person you actually dealt with, you can always ring up their area office and ask to speak to someone else. They don't expect everyone to be perfectly suited every time. You need to ensure that your reference is fair if you're looking for another job.
    If you are determined to stay in the school, do at least speak to your GP - and again, if you don't think that particular one has been particularly sympathetic or helpful, try another - and get some help with these very natural feelings you've been having.
  7. If all has happened as you outline, I don't thnk you should just say that your union 'has not been helpful' and leave it at that. You need to get on the phone and demand that they take your case and fight your corner - that is, after all, what you pay your subs for.
    It sounds as if you have got yourself into a very bleak place where everything seems impossible, including fighting your own corner. That seems to be pushing you into a passive mood of acceptance. I don't mean that critically at all but it would be a very natural response to the assault and the events that you outline. You must also see your GP. At the end of the day, nothing is worth letting your health and mental well-being suffer in this way.
    Take action - get a friend or your family to help you, if you do not feel that you can do this on your own.
    Good luck and best wishes.
  8. Thank you.
    I think 'passive mood of acceptance' sums it up quite well, and I don't think you are being critical. The truth is that the assault in itself is not troubling me but I can only think that this is where their agenda began as it was after that everything went downhill and so quickly.
    I always believed capability was something that happened after friendly chats, after meetings, after a year or so of poor results and lack of progress and lack of work and so on. I didn't believe it was something you could jump onto after four weeks when before that everything had been fine.
    The problem is, people haven't been truthful, both in the sense that things have been taken out of their original context and made to sound awful when they were not, and also in the sense that things have just been made up. As soon as one lie was challenged, they made up another one - if I fight my corner or get someone else to do it for me, it will just keep getting nastier and nastier. I have never come across a case like mine where someone has fought the school and kept their career intact.
    My problem at the moment is how I'll get through till July, I drove past the place the other day and felt sick at just that.
  9. Hi Catia,
    So sorry to hear of your experience. My mother is a nurse and had an awful experience where at one of her previous jobs 2 bitchy health care assistance said they saw her slap a patient to get her into trouble, she was suspended etc. Her union were very involved and were crucial to helping her secure a decent reference etc. Please do ring your union as a pervious poster suggested, and ask for someone else- they know how to play this whole game through experience whereas you are going into it blind so to speak and it's crucial you have someone help you fight your corner.
    Try not to let them get you down, you KNOW they're in the wrong, and you are no doubt a GOOD teacher- it's incredible you managed to get through the lessons after the assault, no matter how poor quality it may have been.
    Please also keep detailed notes on all that has happened, with dates etc- it's easy to forget things and one day you may need to refer to it.
    Take care, Sarah x

  10. casper

    casper New commenter

    Hi Catia, I have sent you a message, please read your inbox.

    Take care. Casper x
  11. It might do if everyone was as nice or fair as you. Unfortunately, it is often a dog eat dog world and now you need to bite back by taking some action. You will get through it and I was not being critical - you must demand some help and answers though. Best wishes.
  12. I am really struggling. I keep having what I think must be panic attacks, where I break down in tears and sob so much that I feel sick and am shaking. Situations that didn't worry me previously now can bring on tears and once I start to cry I find it difficult to control myself and stop. I haven't broken down in tears yet at school but I suppose it's inevitable that I will. I know I must see my GP but I don't know what to ask for or what help to access.
  13. Nanny Ogg

    Nanny Ogg Occasional commenter

    My partner wasn't attacked or physically threatened but he showed serious signs of stress due to having to teach a totally different subject with a bigger work load without any support. (His mum was also diagnosed with cancer at the same time that his nan was in hospital.)
    The signs he showed were the same as some of the ones mentioned. Please go and see your GP. Tell him/her you are not coping, having panic attacks and it won't matter if you are crying at the same time as you tell.
    You need to look after yourself. When you have your health you have everything and that is especially true about mental health.
    Take care.
  14. lilykitty

    lilykitty New commenter

    All you need to do is tell your doctor what you have said here. If it helps, print off some of your posts.
    Your GP (like any GP) will have dealt with patients describing exactly the same things many times before. They will know what to suggest - you don't need to have all the answers before you go.
    If you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting the same result. Make a change by seeing your GP.
    Good luck.
  15. Thank you. I'm sorry to be such a nuisance. I am having counselling but it hasn't helped so far and I don't really want to go on pills. I'm sure I will feel better when I get another job as it will feel more like a positive move forward, at the moment I just don't know what is happening.
  16. Hi Catia, It's pretty heavy duty out there and it sounds as though you've been getting the worst of it. I don't have anything to add in terms of professional or legal steps which you could take. Most of the people who've replied are giving you good information. I'm thinking more in terms of stress management and self-nurturing strategies. As a result of my own experiences dealing with the blind-alley/dead-end situations that the system perpetuates. I think your reluctance to use medication is a positive attitude in itself. There are a range of meditations that are good (avoid anything weird, anything with gurus, large donations or funny hats), making a list of things you really enjoy doing and scheduling in a couple of those at least twice a week, eat healthily and exercise in the fresh air as much as you can, hang out with people who make you laugh, take up dancing (any style you really fancy), paint or draw or learn to play drums, a not-too-intense martial art might be fun. Whatevah. Teaching is a big part of our lives but it shouldn't be everything. You're a fine person who chose to work in a field which is one of, if not the most demanding of professions and done your best to help your students to achieve their potential. You should be getting awards. However, this is the real world and perhaps the best you can hope for is to know that there are thousands of us, fellow teachers who empathise, wish you the best and will continue to keep a watch and, if we can contribute in any way, just say so.

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