You have to get yourself an emergency appointment with your GP and you have to be completely honest. Considering taking an overdose and moving back from that point is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is a HUGE warning and I think you know that. You MUST get help asap. Your GP should sign you off immediately. OK, I'll stop using shouty capitals now! I know it's rubbish timing to be signed off when you think you should be looking for a job, but there is only so much you can do at a time. It is very unlikely you will be able to cope with the demands of applications & interviews, along with your job, while you are this ill. If you keep forcing yourself, you could find yourself in a much worse situation. When you are well and strong you will be able to sort out whatever needs doing. Just separating from work for a while will give you some perspective. It is heartbreaking when the things we hope for don't work out, as you realised when you found your letter saying you had the job. But if you refrain from blaming it all on yourself and re-evaluate, you will go on to find so much else in life. I also strongly recommend you look at this document: http://www.dep-end.org/cantopher1.htm I read it after seeing it recommended by another poster and now recommend it to everyone myself. Keep posting and know that you are supported and not alone.