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Stress/Depression?

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by beech23, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. I don't even know where to start. I think I am either stressed, depressed or both. And it is most definitely reflecting my work.

    Teaching jobs are few and far between back home so last year I decided to move to a city, the one my boyfriend lives in, to get a job. I ended up fortunate enough to get a job at a school that looks great on paper but is a nightmare in reality.

    Life just seems to have switched in so many ways since I made the move. My relationship with my boyfriend broke down over religion and we are now only friends and everything is very much on his terms. Trouble is he is my only friend here, I find it so hard to make new meaningful friendships beyond acquaintances. Im still in love with him and know I should just break free from him but I think Id find like just too lonely without him there. Having had bad experiences with roommates in the past I decided to live alone which is most peoples dream. However the quiet and loneliness really gets to me, and all the responsibly is a lot to deal with.

    My health has also just gone crazy. From mid nov to the start of this month I lost 1 and a half stone without trying. I find myself crying at night and taking mild panic attacks. I can't breathe properly most of the time and I am just always so tired. I have been to the doctor to has gave me treatment for acid reflux ( never even heard of this) but that was it.

    Work is a nightmare, my dept are so passive aggressive and unpleasant. The school has ridiculous polices and is just generally a stressful nightmare.

    I am really struggling to cope with life alone in a city starting a teaching career. I wish I could run home but I know there are no jobs there whatsoever and I have signed a lease etc here for a year. However I have nights like tonight, where I just want to get on the first plane home in the morning and leave work and life here behind. Ahh!

    Has anyone else moved away for work and just not handled it well at all emotionally / with your health ? How did you work through it?
    Anyone any experiences with acid reflux / breathing problems?


     
  2. I don't even know where to start. I think I am either stressed, depressed or both. And it is most definitely reflecting my work.

    Teaching jobs are few and far between back home so last year I decided to move to a city, the one my boyfriend lives in, to get a job. I ended up fortunate enough to get a job at a school that looks great on paper but is a nightmare in reality.

    Life just seems to have switched in so many ways since I made the move. My relationship with my boyfriend broke down over religion and we are now only friends and everything is very much on his terms. Trouble is he is my only friend here, I find it so hard to make new meaningful friendships beyond acquaintances. Im still in love with him and know I should just break free from him but I think Id find like just too lonely without him there. Having had bad experiences with roommates in the past I decided to live alone which is most peoples dream. However the quiet and loneliness really gets to me, and all the responsibly is a lot to deal with.

    My health has also just gone crazy. From mid nov to the start of this month I lost 1 and a half stone without trying. I find myself crying at night and taking mild panic attacks. I can't breathe properly most of the time and I am just always so tired. I have been to the doctor to has gave me treatment for acid reflux ( never even heard of this) but that was it.

    Work is a nightmare, my dept are so passive aggressive and unpleasant. The school has ridiculous polices and is just generally a stressful nightmare.

    I am really struggling to cope with life alone in a city starting a teaching career. I wish I could run home but I know there are no jobs there whatsoever and I have signed a lease etc here for a year. However I have nights like tonight, where I just want to get on the first plane home in the morning and leave work and life here behind. Ahh!

    Has anyone else moved away for work and just not handled it well at all emotionally / with your health ? How did you work through it?
    Anyone any experiences with acid reflux / breathing problems?


     
  3. Dear friend :
    I´ve just read your post .Hope you get well soon. I could imagine about all the experiences that you had. Some teachers have the same problems as you: stressful situations that we will need to overcome. From my point of view, you can breath because you could write these lines and share with us your problems,that is great.
    I try to understand what it means to have a relationship break and trying to go on ...maybe you would like to have an answer soon. You both need time to know what is happening..

    Meanwhile, you can understand yourself better, you have many qualities that you haven´t discovered yet.. first you must love yourself, you have wonderful things inside you, spiritual thoughts and possibilities that can lead you with a group to help each other ,you must consider to ask help to learn how to eat , drink, breath , exercise ,dance, move better, learn about good healthy food, good lifestyle : music , motivational readings that can help you grow more ,spiritual books, healing readings , have good friends that you can find close to you - you are not alone in this world (physically -virtually).
    There are a lot of tools around internet that can help you.... Help other people that maybe you will see dont have the same lucky as you.....Love yourself ,because God loves you, and you can share more..

    Consider to change activities, schedules, and also change job location or give a break to your work in another fields to have another incomes that can help you to manage stressful situations that you have been dealing.
    I hope you can recover soon and my best wishes for you,
    Take care,
    Rose



     
  4. Mrs_Frog

    Mrs_Frog New commenter

    Situation is that you are there for a year, minimum.
    There are a couple of ways you could play it. You could sack it all now and go home, although there are the job issues. You could stick it out a year, and then go home, although there are the job issues (but you will have a years more experience under your belt...) You could get settled and end up staying there.
    First things first, is to get yourself some sort of social life. I'm not talking about going out partying all the time (although no reason why not, but maybe thats just me....) What about joining a sports club/dance class/some other form of physical activity. Make sure its a social thing, not an individual thing. A few years ago now, I split from my then fiancee, moved back to my uni town (although I had friends there) and then went back to the martial art I had stopped training in 14 years previously. Only meant to go once a week to get out of the flat, ended up being one of the highest ranking women in the area, and an examiner.....and made some very good friends as a result of it.
    You mentioned that you and your OH split due to religion? I am not asking questions, but if you are religious, then does your local church/mosque/synagogue/temple/gurdwara have social activities. I am not a practicing church type myself, but I know that there are a lot of people who have an active social life through their church.
    If you are a more social animal, what about a ladies darts team in the local pub or something like that.
    If you prefer more sedate activities, what about a couple of book clubs. Not only do you get to meet up with similarly minded people but you also get to fill your time at home because you need to read the books! Kills 2 birds and all that.
    There are also online groups that meet up, and I am not talking about anything dodgy here. Groups of people who meet up every so often in a pub, and organise social events, trips to the cinema, nights out on the lash, dance lessons etc. Google NAFoF and see if there is anything in your area.
    Its pants at the moment, I appreciate that, but the longer people tend to sit and wallow, the worse it gets. If you can get a bit 'happier' and not feel trapped where you are living, then your health may well settle down, it sounds like you are suffering from the physical effects of the stress involved in moving, new job and splitting up with OH. (Although I am no doctor! Reminds me of me a few years ago!) Oh, and allow yourself time to be upset about whats going on, you are allowed that, but you do have to be a bit proactive about some of the other stuff
    Take care
    B x

     
  5. Georgia99

    Georgia99 New commenter

    Hi, I really feel for you as I have been there. After completing my nursing degree I moved from my home town in Cornwall to the south east for a job. I initially moved alone and my husband stayed with family in Cornwall as he hadn't secured a job so he stayed working in Cornwall. I hated it, I was lonely, I hated the area, the fast pace of life and renting was so expensive. My job was hard as patients were so aggressive. I cried all the time and felt I was stuck in hell. My husband secured a job interview and came up to attend it but I knew I just wanted to go home to Cornwall. I took a big risk and quit my job, I spoke to the letting agents and was lucky that they agreed that I could break my contract if a new tenant was found. I moved back and we stayed with family, I got a job in a call centre which I hated but I was home and 3 months later I got a job I enjoyed. It took me a long time to get over the experience to be honest.
     
  6. I have pm.
     
  7. Hello,
    I totally empathise with you. I finished my NQT year last July and during that time I had anxiety attacks and it felt like stage fright. I took myself off to the doctors and although I don't usually take tablets these really helped me and it is not a sign of failure or weakness contrary to how you may feel IT IS A BRAVE STEP for anyone to make and you will get better. They help you put things in perspective and to be better at decision making because depression/anxiety attacks are caused by a lack of seratonin in your brain and they help to replenish this important chemical. This lack can be caused by the draining process of constantly being in a 'fight or flight' response that anxiety brings. Anxiety also plays havoc with your digestive system with excess acid being produced by your stomach due to stress and also IBS can be triggered. I'm not a doctor but a science teacher.
    From September this year things at work have become more stressful with constant scrutiny and ticking boxes to ensure we've done this and that. Data is the name of the game and it seems more important than pupils welfare. With initiative after initiative being bought in. Its got to the stage where my work/life balance has been completely unbalanced and I like other teachers do a six day week. My lessons plans have to be x 3 sides of A4 typed and all bells and whistles and this situation has got far worse since our school went into special measures despite everyone's hard work with all the bureacracy. Now further scrutiny and pressure is building.
    I have 3 children and they don't see their mum enough or see me in a great light with my head constantly bowed over a laptop! I think enough is enough and there's no sense in being unhappy and tearful all the time. My daughter was ill last week and I even questioned taking time off for her or feeling pressured to do a 3 period day - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH I look after other people's children every day and I just felt when my daughter needed me I felt pressured to still go to work - this was the tipping point for me.
    Bottom line, today I made a decision that I'd had enough I'm not a quitter but I thought - I want my life back. Making decisions to change things is sometimes hard but it can also be a brave thing to do its better than being miserable!
    I resigned, it felt like a weight had been lifted to be honest and I thought I've now got the time to think about what I really want to do for the future. I don't leave until Easter but this is the right time to start going to other vacancies. Although I will start putting the feelers out now.
    Don't get me wrong I want to stay in teaching - I like being a form tutor and helping pupils to overcome low self esteem, build confidence and do well in their exams. However, being in a goldfish bowl isn't for me I can't live like it anymore. So I think I'll go on supply for a while and then decide where to work.
    If it comes down to your health suffering and your life being put on hold so much for a job then something has to give. There is no point in being unhappy and sometimes taking a risk and saying lets see what happens can become a turning point for the better.
    I think sometimes its sensible to take a break and put things in perspective a little. There is no point in being treated badly and putting up with it. You are worth more than that.
    Too much bullying goes on in the workplace and it needs to be stamped out. Stand up against the bullies they love the power if they think they are getting to you. Take control of your life as they say 'life is not a rehearsal!' (sorry if I sound at all patronizing here) There is light at the end of the tunnel believe me!
    Take Care.
     

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