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Staffroom bullyinng\cliques

Discussion in 'Personal' started by lindenlea, Feb 11, 2011.

  1. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Be super professional, don't sink to her level, don't acknowledge her influence over other people and don't confront her unless it is unavoidable - e.g.outright rudeness or refusing to do what was asked. I would say that if there was a confrontation , it would force other people to take sides whereas if you concentrate on your own professional approach to her you have the moral high ground. That is what i used to do , but an old friend of mine used to call it "taking the line of least resistance". I never saw it as that myself but i knew i was no good in a fight. It could also smack of being passive aggressive - but what the heck, in the long run it worked for me.
  2. wrldtrvlr123

    wrldtrvlr123 Occasional commenter

    Well, if she has already caused some damage to your position in the school then I would say you may need to take some action. It is a risk, but doing nothing is also a risk. You say you are in a managerial role. Are you her supervisor or in her chain of command? Do you ever meet privately with her?
    It may be worth the risk of raising your concerns in private and trying to reach an understanding. Perhaps you could manufacture a meeting about something else and then work the problem in somehow. Even if you cannot find any common ground with her, possibly you could shape her behavior so that she is at least not directly undermining you.
    If this is not a viable option, then you may need to re-evaluate how you respond to her undermining in front of other people. When she says something rude/fresh/inappropriate, how do you respond? You need to find a way of responding that will show other people who is being the unreasonable one and hopefully cause her to find someone else to try and show up/slag off.
    There is of course the cold look and the very business like, "I asked a very simple and reasonable question. Could I please have a simple and reasonable answer".
    Or my personal favorite, a loud laugh and then suddenly stop and say, "Oh, you were serious!". This should be accompanied by a sigh and a shaking of the head that shows everyone, see the ridiculous idiocy I have to put up with.
    In any case, what is currently going on isn't working and unless you see it passing on its own, you may need to find some course of action to change the current erosion of your position.
  3. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Remind her that the 'A' in 'TA' stands for 'Assistant', politely or otherwise.

    I enjoy working with TAs as a general rule, so I wouldn't take any of that sh*te if it came my way.
  4. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Shove her on competency procedures for failing to uphold an adequate level of professionalism
  5. Catch her at it (it doesn't have to be you she is slagging off) and speak to her about it. Focus on the behaviour not the individual, same as you would with a child, but be very clear that her behaviour is unacceptable.
  6. littlemissraw

    littlemissraw Occasional commenter

    I'm not saying you are, but is there any way you could also be at fault?
    As someone who went into the profession (and has now left) I found that I was often spoken to like a insolent child by a member of staff above me. Is she actually slagging you off or is she venting her frustrations with people and asking their advice?
    I personally work far harder if made to feel like a valued team member rather than someones bashing post. Just looking at things from the other side...Things are never black and white.
    I think it would be best if you had a conversation with her nicely to find out what the issues are (or if she is indeed as you thought)
  7. If it is not in your persona to give as good as you get, then how about subversion?
    I worked under a SENCo who made a life's work out of lying to make herself sound more interesting. Her strength was that in every lie she told/fact she embroidered there was a grain of truth, which when challenged would out and make her sound like the truthful one.
    This irritating tart sounds the same: is there something in the tales she tells to such effect that does indeed make you sound like the bad guy? For example, we have a woman in our department who has several good reasons to be fed up. I know them but she chooses otherwise to keep them private. I have heard several people comment on what a cold shower, how slapped-**** her face habitually is, and I can't say anything without breaking her confidence.
    I suspect that this TA is a bit of an expert at keeping an audience entertained with the shortcomings of others. How about a bit of joshing "Ooooh it's the 15th. Is this the day you tell me something nice about someone?" in front of others, or (shaking head sadly) "I presume you don't know what's happened... sorry I can't say" making sure you keep it about other people, not you. Or my particular favourite "Jesus, I hope I never fall out with you!" especially if I already have. Go on, bitch your way out of that, vinegar-face.

  8. Shifter

    Shifter New commenter

    Take the mature way - offer to make her a cuppa
  9. Wait untill the end of break then shout across to her in a friendly way
    "Oi Tonto! Saddle up I've a shed load of work for you to be getting on with!"
    That should open up the discusion a bit.
  10. Ignore her completely. She will behave this way with others and someone with a lot less to lose than you will deal with her in a much nastier way than you ever could (karma). Just have patience and be around to watch it. I tend to break out the popcorn.
  11. No Tonto then? Phooee!
  12. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    I would put my psychoanalyst skills into place and think why she is seeking to undermine you and no doubt others around her too. Is it deep rooted insecurity on her part or is she just a shallow individual who only cares about her own position within the school and enjoys what she is doing.
    Then I would consign her to the dustbin of someone I would have minimal contact with unless it was for a work based reason, be quite detached from in a professional way.
    The thing to remember is that you may be her target now but she will probably move on to someone else to seek her gratification so I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of even worrying about her comments.
    I know some people who are good at work based policies would play her at her own game and seek to subtly undermine her in the same way but it depends on your personality.
    I just don't bother with anyone who is a ***. Luckily, there is no-one like that where I work at the moment but I have come across sad individuals like that in the past. I keep well out of any politics at work and never join in 'games' like that, some people enjoy all that gossipy type stuff though. If there are some nice people you work with, just concentrate on them because genuinely nice people are less likely to join in with her bitching and will ignore what she says.
  13. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

  14. OP, could you not just treat her with total indifference? I suppose that might be hard as obviously she's bothering you, but you could feign it.
    Certain types of people really thrive on visibly making others feel rubbish. A non-reaction (ie. they don't matter enough for you to react, or even notice their worm-like pathetic-ness) would probably make it too boring for them to try to mess with you.
  15. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I tried this once. It didn't work. They hated the non-reaction and upped their game considerably.
  16. Ooo, I'd continue to ignore them if that was the case, not out of genuine indifference obviously, but out of spite. And awkwardness.
  17. Still - not a nice environment to work in.
  18. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Love it.
    Could no more do this than fly!!!!

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