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Discussion in 'Personal' started by GobbyLittleMare, Apr 16, 2011.
Decided on Thursday to leave my husband.
Panic, fear, tears, worry.
Help help help.
Is this the husband that repeatedly cheats? The one that you yourself are cheating on as well?
It is the right decision to make.
Yup, that's the fella.
Well done. It'll be hard for a wee while but once you have had time to let yourself reflect, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.
If I remember rightly you are the same age as me.
Don't settle for no respect in a relationship. There is much more out there.
Don't go running to your new fella, it will crash and burn. Spend some time on your own and find your self esteem again.
A brave decision. Didn't have the courage to do so myself, but should have. At the age of 61, all I can say is you are a lot younger than you think you are - not you, GLM, everyone. Life is not over when you are 30. 40, 50, 60. Good luck. Don't panic. You had your reasons. xx
In my head I know this is the right decision - I want out whilst I'm still young enough to start my life over again. I don't want to be 40, with 2 kids and have him have more affairs and leave me.
But part of me is saying things like:
You've been together 9 years; that's a lot of life to throw away
It's comfortable and habitual
It'll be hard, practically speaking, to leave (financially, physically moving etc)
I can't even imagine having the courage to tell him
I don't want to upset him (yeah, I know, stupid stupid stupid)
He's meant to be an usher at my Mum's wedding in July - she's a control-freak...she'll kill me!
These are all stupid things I know. I know I know I know. I'm just...freaking out.
I discovered a better life/man aged 40. You will too! xx( And I never thought it would happen.)
9 years is nothing in relation to potential years of future happiness instead of further misery.
Where is the fun in that?
Yes it will. Upheavals are incredibly hard but lots of us have done it and survived to tell the tale.
Your happiness is much more important than him being a bloody usher at someone else's wedding!
Yup, yup, yup...all good points. Excellent points.
Something tells me I'm not going to find this easy.
Being on the other end of husband leaving me...... at least you know what's happening as was all a shock for me!
But no marriage worth it if other people involved.....
I'm so sorry - that must be horrible. I'm so sorry.
God it's going to be a hell of a shock to him...
There's a big wide world out there ... do it!
Serves him right. He has treated you like a doormat and acted like a co.ck.
I'm back to kick your as.s, but hopefully I won't say anything completely out of order this time.
You are going to find this hard, because not only have you to tackle this whole thing from telling him, to packing your bags, you are also maybe the first person in your family to buck the family trend of 'put up and shut up'. It's not easy breaking damaging patterns at the very best of times, but it's even harder when you have no role model on which to base your actions. There's no map and it's unchartered territory full of cliffs, man eating tigers, snakes and every other kind of nasty you can imagine. There's no foot steps to follow, to lead you to safety. But there is comfort, guidance and hope to be found (sometime in the most unexpected places) when you start looking for it. If you stay, nothing good will come of it. This man will never change the way he thinks and feels about you.
It might be helpful to tackle the wall of fear (which can be paralysing) by breaking things down into small, manageable steps. Write a to-do list. Look at everything you have written and decide what order to put things into. Then simply start with No 1 on your list and DO it. Don't think about all the future steps yet. Just focus on No 1 until it is done. Then take stock. If No2 on your list still holds as your next best move, then focus on that. And just DO it. And so on.
Do not allow yourself to be distracted by irrelevant stuff: the wedding thing, hurting his feelings, your news being a shock to others and the backlash etc etc. All these people in your life are responsible for the way they feel and think and as such they will just have to make adjustments. Just like you have had to make adjustments for them.
Have you got a relative or friend who will understand and support you?
Also remember that once you have explored and unpacked this box of feelings (like you have done on here) and felt a glimmer of future potential, it's almost impossible to take all these thoughts and feelings and stuff them back in the box and pretend you never felt them. You may bury that box under a ton of concrete, but sooner or later, it will explode in your face.
Kibosh - if ever I'm in need, I'm coming to you. Cx
Thank you Kibosh - really really.
You never did - just said exactly what I needed to hear
An excellent point. My first course of action - sort the house out, find and file all important paperwork, sell all my **** that I don't want to take with me.
Yup. I'm going to talk to him next week when I see him. I actually wish I could talk to him sooner - but probably best I do it face-to-face and he lives across the country,
You're right about this too - I can't forget the feeling of happiness and excitement I felt when I considered by future; living on my own and being my own person. I can't ever get rid of that can I?
You are an excellent as.s-kicker Kibosh - thank you.
You're only human
Dammit, it never worked. Ok, I'll try this one
Aaaargghhh. Nae luck. It was a pic of Jesus, looking very cheesy, holding a little lamb.