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Sorry to be so, well, personal... but is this normal?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by regencyrob, Apr 10, 2011.

  1. check ur inbox
  2. littlemissraw

    littlemissraw Occasional commenter

    I'd be a bit miffed too. Fair enough if he does it but why on earth embarrass you and make you feel undervalued infront of everyone (mention this to you alone would be bad enough)
    Have you told him that its bothered you? What did he say? Men (and I'm sure women) can be so clueless/inconsiderate! x
  3. No I didn't tell him. It came up in a game of truth or dare (friend's idea) but surely you'd still lie rather than admit it? He also started an argument on the way home and accused me of telling him he'd drunk too much (I didn't) and when I tried to protest that's not what I'd said, accused me of starting the argument and ruining his sunday eve. He does this a lot (blames arguments on me) and I get so fed up with it. He then fell asleep on my bed without even taking off his shoes... But apparently I'M the frunk one!

    His other revelations this eve are he's slept with more than 1 person in the same night (before we met) and if I asked to move in with him he'd let me if it was temporary.
  4. He was pissed, showing off and in every way an asshole. I wouldn't even believe half of it. I hope he has the world's worse hangover tomorrow morning. I can only say this because I too have been That Asshole.
    Get yourself up to the moral high ground and look down on how adolescently moronic he has been tonight. I bet he knows it too, which is why he turns it back on you. Ruined his evening? Let him put up with Smouldering Martyr for a week.
  5. KirkDouglas

    KirkDouglas New commenter

    I am Spartacus!
    And I think of you [​IMG]
  6. I agree - He has been a proper tit!!
    Make sure you get spoilt from this!!
  7. As for the argument he very often takes things I say the wrong way or out of context, gets funny about it goes on and on about it, tells me I'M going on about it then makes out its all my doing. I often think that my low self esteem/issues/depression means I cause these arguments without realising but I honestly don't think that's it. Its been like this for the whole year we've dated so far.

    At one point early on, I had this rash on my leg. We were getting down to it then he stopped and said the rash had put him off. Whilst I could understand this he couldn't understand why I felt a little rejected and accussed me of throwing a strop.

    Its never his fault I always have to see things his way not the other way round. I have enough **** going on in my life right now wuthout arguments with him over nothing and being humiliated in front of my friends. I feel like crying.
  8. A tasche and a leather hat? Er, no?
  9. I am so sorry but he sounds like an idiot! You deserve better, you deserve to be spoiled and made to feel like a special princess all of the time!
    It seems like he is making any excuse and he cant handle talking about his feelings.
    Would it be too hard to get rid and start again?
  10. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    He is bullying you.
    I think you should dump him.


  11. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    I don't think doing it is abnormal, no. I don't necessarily think it's abnormal to share such thoughts with one's partner, in private......in a mutually supportive relationship, but this doesn't sound like one.

    And yes, he's behaved like an ****.
  12. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter


    I agree with lurk though: he sounds like a bully.
  13. Disguise, this isn't a one-off then. This is a pattern of making you feel like sh1t.
    By any standards, "admitting" the things he did in front of others was a lapse of bad manners and even if you have reservations about the stuff he reckoned he'd done, he might be forgiven if it were just a one-off piece of alcohol-fuelled assholery. But if his only method of handling criticism about his behaviour is to turn it back on youand strop if you are unhappy with this, he is, as lurk says, a bully.
    If you already have self-esteem issues, the last thing you need is some jerk who takes advanatge of it to play his own stupid games.
    Dump him.
    I heard a song on the radio the other day whose apparently only line was "Do you think you;re better off alone?" I thought of how often the answer is Yes.
  14. impis

    impis New commenter

    I absolutely agree.
  15. I guess I'm only telling you the bad bits though because he can be very sweet.

    To be honest I never saw it being long term from the off. We have some holidays planned this year so I'll stick it out a while and see if it improves. I have no issues calling it off except that my family and friends would think I've failed. I'm usually perpetually single.

    I'm off to bed for now but will check back in the morning if he ever comes out of his beer induced sleep for an apology.

    Thanks all for your comments
  16. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    Oh a fully committed relationship then.
    I think you need to put him straight or there is absolutely no point continuing. I can't make
    him stop picking on you so you are going to have to do it. But tbh I don't think it is a winner. People do reveal more of what they are really like when they are a bit ****** and your bloke seems to tend to the cranky / belligerent.
    I OTOH am an amiable drunk. [​IMG] dis

  17. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Sorry, disguise, but I think the opinion of family and friends is a rotten reason for continuing with an unsatisfactory relationship, and will do nothing for your self esteem in the long run...but I think deep down you know that.

    Take care. xx
  18. Which is why you should take advice on here with a pinch of salt. Only you know the truth behind your relationship.
    As for men fantasising about other women, also while having sex, this is quite normal - although if it becomes a regular and necessary part of sex then it tends to indicate deeper issues. What was not so good here was that he chose to tell you and the circumstances in which he made it clear.
    Maybe this was a last ditch desperate attempt to tell you he'd like some changes with your sex life?
    Again, only you know.
    I wouldn't be too upset about what he said - just question why he chose to say so, and why he made such a big deal about it. (As it was part of the incredibly immature 'truth or dare' game, could it be he felt pressured to be 'macho' in front of his peers?)
    Talk to him - ignore the advice to throw him out just because of this episode.

  19. Give your self image a bit of a spring clean.
    Next time he make reference to that night say
    "Thinking of other people while on the job? Goodness! I thought I was the only person who did that. How lovely to find that it's normal." Then walk away to do something in another room.
  20. If he is in the habit of turning arguments around to make everything seem your fault, this is bullying. You say he can be very sweet - is that enough? Staying in a relationship because of fears of what your family would say isn't a good reason.
    I'm not saying dump him, but think carefully about why you want to stay.

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