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Son refusing to leave house

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Newstein, Oct 17, 2019.

  1. moose2

    moose2 New commenter

  2. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Twas I who said 42. Joking.

    We need the OP to be more specific.
  3. moose2

    moose2 New commenter

    Agreed, it is difficult to ' abandon ' your child after all these years. But, maybe they don't exist.....
    smoothnewt likes this.
  4. MissGeorgi

    MissGeorgi Occasional commenter

    I absolutely dread to think what would have happened to me, had I spent 200k of my parent’s cash! I’d probably have become part of a newly concreted patio!

    He could start by volunteering in a second hand bookshop, eg Oxfam. Great, rewarding task. If he impresses they may give him a paid job.
    caress, suzuki1690 and Dragonlady30 like this.
  5. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

    You called?
  6. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    How patronising!
    Are you a parent?
  7. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    Brilliant post!
    Not patronising at all.
    Parenting is all about shoving them out when grown - bit like birds out of nest.
    Its every bird's birthright to be given the chance to stand on its own claws and be independent.
    I cried for a year when my youngest flew out of the front door with his bags in his beak - serious empty nest syndrome - the last thing I would ever have done was to tell him!
    My job was to let him fly and he's still swooping here there and everywhere and has built his own nest and there are baby birds now chirruping away as daddy darts there and hops here picking up worms to shut them up for a few seconds before teaching them to fly and bash their own snails to death and be proud.
    eljefeb90, caress, MissGeorgi and 7 others like this.
  8. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    Post by monicabilongame brilliant and not patronising.
    Sorry - the two quotes were meant to be in my reply in previous post
  9. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    I agree.
    bevdex, BertieBassett2 and emerald52 like this.
  10. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    I fully appreciate that there are some who would criticise me as I write with no experience of having children of my own.

    However, there is a huge difference between accommodating a son or daughter who needs food and shelter for a short time in order to get back on their feet after, for example, a divorce, redundancy, end of university course, medical crisis, etc., (boomerang kids), and a son of daughter who is essentially a parasitic cuckoo in the nest.

    Any child who is over the age of majority and of sound mind and body should be out and making their own way in the world unless, of course, they stay at home as a carer (by mutual agreement) for a parent.

    FWIW, I didn't find @monicabilongame 's post patronising in the slightest. More a voice of good common sense and sound reason.
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2019
    caress, eljefeb90, bevdex and 4 others like this.
  11. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    fgs-it wasn't the whole post I commented on-if you read my post you'll see I quoted two phrases which I found, and still find, patronising.
    I said nothing else about the content of the post-I wish people would read properly.
  12. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    Sadly the OP hasn't responded so far to any of the replies, but for the benefit of discussion anyway, what would the situation be for a parent whose child fled the nest, became unable to cope through circumstances nobody could have anticipated and is now entirely dependent on others for support?

    Does the duty of a parent end at the moment their offspring flees the nest, or do they have a duty of care for their children whatever?

    How do we know when a traumatic life experience such as rape of the suicide of a close friend or partner can be got over with the individual who has to has to live with the experience?

    Is there an age when we say our offspring are grown up enough, that it's no longer our problem and if they can't cope, it's society's problem?
    bevdex and nomad like this.
  13. Bedlam3

    Bedlam3 Star commenter

    How patronising.
  14. smoothnewt

    smoothnewt Star commenter

    [QUOTE="Newstein, post: 12943010, member: 4566021"
    He's in sound mental health.
    Tired of seeing him wasted.

    It does in fact sound as though he may not fundamentally be in sound mental health.
  15. mothorchid

    mothorchid Star commenter

    I have assumed "wasted" meant wasted potential, rather than on drugs or booze.
    In my own family there has been a similar situation to this, with a son living at home in his mid fifties, never having moved out. He paid no rent, nor contributed to bills or upkeep of the home, nor even bought food, unless it was an odd pint of milk on his way home from work, or some biscuits he fancied the look of. He did indeed work, and earned a reasonable wage, which he spent on nice holidays, clothes, posh meals out with friends, visiting said friends etc. He saved almost nothing.
    It was ended only when the mother died, aged 89, and the house was sold. That took over a year to achieve, but he had to move out then. Because he had not saved anything for over thirty years, he had to go into a rented flat, which he struggles to pay for, using up the money he inherited when the house was sold as he has never learned how to budget. He is an intelligent man, went to university and has a fairly high up admin job in the NHS, but never learned life skills.
    It's not an un-heard-of situation, although I don't feel it's a healthy one, for anyone concerned.
  16. nizebaby

    nizebaby Star commenter

    It's the selfish refusal to pay your fair share that offends. My aunt, an only child, never moved out. Time was when that was considered dutiful. She always worked and contributed to the household, and took care of her increasingly frail mother. Her job took her all over the world and, now in her eighties, she still has loads of friends and is still a member of a walking group.
  17. circuskevin

    circuskevin Established commenter

    BertieBassett2 and nomad like this.
  18. BertieBassett2

    BertieBassett2 Star commenter

    Hmm - I think the OP has lit the touch paper on this discussion and stood back to enjoy the fireworks.....
  19. mothorchid

    mothorchid Star commenter

    Yes, I'm sure you're right, @BertieBassett2, but it has brought out some interesting points as a discussion, especially as a slightly more believable version of this situation is increasingly common in these days of high living costs.
  20. monicabilongame

    monicabilongame Star commenter

    The OP's version of the situation is entirely believable, trust me: there are far worse examples I could give, were I to transgress professional confidentiality.
    emerald52 and Newstein like this.

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