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So some teachers make poor parents too?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by work2live, Jul 18, 2011.

  1. Just so frustrated by ex! Refused to increase maintenance payments to be in line with csa online calculator, so had to use apply to csa. Ex dragged his feet in providing info, then makes sporadic payments - which are apparently enough to show willing and prevent enforcement - had 8 months without a penny whilst he dithered then 2 very small payments. Obviously this has had an impact when expecting the cash and have bills and childcare to pay. Furthermore he's turning down spending as much time with child as we moved house last year and the increase from 15min to a 30min drive is too much. I just don't understand how he can be so feckless - I'm managing not to let on to child but feel so sad for her He's swannning off on yet another holiday after building up 2k+ in arrears - he's never taken child away and now this summer I can't afford to either. I'm so careful with my money, it seems unfair that my child misses out whilst he runs up arrears. I'm not some money grabber, I'm only after the minimum amount (which he should WANT to pay anyway), where's the man's sense of honour?! Thanks for chance to vent!!!
     
  2. Just wanted to say how sorry it is to hear you're going through such a horrible time. Imagine me popping in with a cyberspace bottle of red and a sympathetic ear, which it sounds like you really need! Hope things improve soon, and remember that as long as you spend time with your little one it doesn't matter too much where you are. I know it sounds trite, but we can never afford holidays either, so we take trips locally, pack picnics, etc. Not as nice as a proper holiday, but we enjoy it anyway. Chin up, and good luck sorting out the ex!
     
  3. Never had a penny from my ex, in fact, as far as I know, he never even found out if the baby was born live or dead! I certainly never had the contact details to let him know.We're fine without him. I've never expected any time or money, so have never been disappointed,nor has my daughter. There are cheap holidays available, coach trips, camping trips, youth hostels, it depends what your child enjoys. History? languages? seaside? mountains? zoos? cooking on a campfire? Don't just look at the UK. I've made this mistake before, sometimes going abroad is a lot cheaper, even allowing for the cost of the passports. Fun, adventure and memories together are what makes it for a child, not expensive hotels. If your child is still little, day trips from home, or short camping stays are all you need. If they are old enough to cope with coach journeys, there is a huge choice. Have you had any contact with gingerbread? They organise some group holidays for single parents, I believe. I tried them once, it wasn't for me, but it works for some of my friends. In the end you will have the pleasure and satisfaction of a good long term relationship with your child, and the ex will have totally missed out.
     
  4. What a selfish ***. Was he any better when you were still together?
    I can't believe (of course I can) that the official agencies are so toothless, gutless, spineless and pointless. I would vote for whatever party declared it would set a minimum payment and transfer it automatically from pay or benefits.
     
  5. Thank you, just having a moan releases the headache of it. Luckily we live in an area with lovely parks, walks and museums so often are out doing that. It does sadden me that my child misses out on seeing their dad as often, but I can't force him if he doesn't want to. I'll just make the most of my summer and try to not let it get me down. Thank you for your friendly words, vino always gratefully received!
     
  6. a s s h o l e
     
  7. He was sometimes a bit stingy with cash - alternating with being a bit reckless. He'd keep quiet that he was skint then announce he had no cash for food, after having being out on nights out. It contributed to us breaking up. The folks at csa are helpful enough but their procedures put in place for fairness just slow things down. He works in a challenging school (quite high up too) and was always quick to criticise the parents - I suppose nobody sees their own faults as clearly
     
  8. Lily - totally! I'd never publicly say so in case he or child ever heard, I smile serenely and keep focus on retaining dignity, bloody hard sometimes tho!
     
  9. Mountainlion - thanks. I think we might do a camping trip if the weather looks up a bit. I've had to pay a retainer fee and childcare fees upfront for next term so have to be careful. It's annoying because the cash is coming, just don't know when.
     
  10. My sympathies.
    Some exes are like that. Mine gave up work to ensure he only had to pay the mimimum amount. Then he expected me to email him a thank you every time the £5 was sent to me via the CSA.
    I then chose not to receive any more from him. Cash was tight at the time, but I refused to have to show how grateful I was for a few measly £.
     
  11. It seems utterly ridiculous to me that this system isn't implemented. Is there any particular reason why it isn't? My ex has never paid a penny or attempted to make any effort to. I didn't bother with the CSA route, he never has any money anyway and I can't face the stress of continually arguing with an a r s e about money, I earn enough. On the plus side its meant I haven't had to answer to him and I could raise her as I saw fit, rather than having to put up with the parental input of someone who has such low morals that they don't see why they should provide for their child. He's now decided after many years that he wants contact and now my girl isn't interested. I've never said anything to impact on her opinion of him, she just doesn't need or want him in her life. He's now paying the price for not paying the price so to speak.....
     
  12. My ex does put money into a bank account each month but as much as it,s good he does , it is a monthly reminder of him. Wish I could afford to tell him to do one and cut all ties with him forever.
     
  13. Some progress - csa have finally woken up a little and said if payment within 7 days is not made they will deduct from his wage (hopefully this will be a prompt), then a further 7-10 days to be processed and paid to me. Just have to wait and see how much he coughs up or if they let him string out the payments. Even though he's known he was building arrears they can allow leeway to avoid him 'suffering hardship', nevermind just setting it aside instead of spending it. Madness, but at least some progress! Just wish I knew how much and when - a little holiday may still be possible! Now, if only the exam board would pay me for all those questions I marked...
     

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