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So... I have a date on Tuesday

Discussion in 'Personal' started by disguise, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. Thanks BexL, as I said before I'd just had a row with a phone company (long story) so was probably not in the best frame of mind to read the post! I can't decide if I want to date or not and I think going on a few dates will make my mind up. I am also aware I am very picky. I don't know what I want but I am quick to know when I don't want something. I know people that have met people online but I also know people that have known their partners for years - went to school or uni with them for example. That seems so much easier to me!
  2. disguise I think dating can be really good fun; if all your friends are coupled up (I don't know if they are) it can sometimes be difficult to have someone to go to the cinema with, visit galleries, eat out etc. Dating can just widen your social circle and even if romance doesn't blossom you night make a new friend or two and give you more people to do lovely things with.

    I would say do the internet dating thing for a while in a casual manner and see what happens. It's always nice to have a "distraction or two" from singledom though isn't it? [​IMG]
    I have met a gorgeous lovely man from the internet who lives literally around the corner from me. We aren't romantically attached though as we decided we got on brilliantly as friends and the extra spark isn't there. I think I'm lucky though as I have truly made a new very good friend and we see each other all the time. (It's a bit like dating but without the romance!?)

    As for being independent - well men are not always independent themselves are they? How many men do you know who, even in their 30s, still rely on parents to help them out with all sorts of things from financial help, to practical stuff like decorating and even servicing the car? (Maybe I just know too many like that?) I wouldn't worry about being regarded as independent needy or whatever - each person is unique and the potential romantic partners you meet are either compatible with you in this area or they're not.

    Happy dating disguise and let us know how things turn out.
  3. Do you know my ex?! Ha ha!

    The independent thing is weird with me - I AM independent. I can cook, clean, pay the bills with little hassle, own my own place, bought a brand new car, etc etc BUT equally I speak to my parent EVERY day on the phone or face to face, I am indecisive and ask their opinions on almost everything. Maybe that'll change when I have someone to make the decisions with but who knows.
  4. The above, and other posts, were written with best intentions, I am sure. My feeling was, and it is always a guess as I do not know you, that you were indeed hiding behind the 'independence' thing to avoid the date and/or that you would use it to say this is why it did not work. It has nothing to do with how independence works or how men deal with this, my post was all about you and your attitudes to a date. By critiscising those who wanted the world to know 'I am independent!' I just meant it is hardly relevant to a first date - unless you are talking to yourself and looking for ways out because you are, in fact, not that confident with the situation in the first place. ('You' meant generally although of course for you personally, something to consider - as you have said this above with blaming your independence, which is no more than paying bills. as a reason you may not want to date.) My worry is you may turn away happiness and yet I get the feeling you really don't want that?
  5. Buick: If I gave the impression that I didn't want or expect this date to work because I am 'independent' then I have given the wrong impression. I would not write a date off based on this fact at all. My point was, and still is, simply that my ex once commented I am TOO independent and WHEN MEN GET TO KNOW ME they may find this a barrier. I don't think one date would give that impression at all. My other point is that being independent does mean I am used to doing my own thing when I want, and I may find the change to being with someone (when I find someone) a challenge and I am not sure yet if I am ready for that challenge. I simply need to weigh up giving up a LITTLE independence and being with someone or not giving it up and staying single. I haven't made that decision and I need to go on a few more dates TO make that decision.

    Being independent is more than paying the bills! It is a way of life. I don't NEED anyone except for company. I would miss the company if I stayed single but that is all I'd miss. Anything else I want or need I could sort myself. That is what I class as independence. So yes it is a reason I MAY NOT want to date but it is not a reason I will not TRY dating.

    If I wanted the date not to work or didn't want to go, I wouldn't have gone. I know my own mind enough to decide if I want to go on a date.

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