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So... I have a date on Tuesday

Discussion in 'Personal' started by disguise, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. At least go on a second date with him. It helps to reconfirm/reascertain!
    And at the same time, don't make the typical female mistake of thinking you are not allowed to date anyone else.
    Relationships and dates are like buses - either none come along or at least 3 come along at the same time. Having found my mate (see thread) on FB, and thinking "ok, see how it goes", I now have 2 other blokes vying for my attention after 2 years of me not looking, avoiding seeing and not being in the slighted interested in dates.
    Keep your options open but don't close doors too soon [​IMG]
     
  2. Thanks CQ for the advice. I haven't caught up with your FB thread - did your old flame become a new flame? I like the idea of meeting someone and settling down, but I can't be bothered with all the fluff that has to happen first and I am not sure if I want to give up my independence. I realise this makes me sound like a lazy dater! I've only ever had two relationships which lasted more than a few months and they were 10 years apart so I don't really know how to be anything OTHER than independent.
     
  3. Let's say it is an ember that never died ;o)
    You don't have to do fluff. I don't. And you don't have to give up your independence. I don't either!
    I am VERY independent - there ARE men around who do not think that is bad and you will find one who suits you eventually. And a wee bit of compromise on both sides is no bad thing and if you love someone, you won't find it a really hard thing to do in the grand scheme of things, as long as it is not one-sided.
    You just have to kiss a fair few frogs to find your prince [​IMG]
     
  4. Interesting because my ex suggested quite heavily I was TOO independent for him. What I mean by fluff is dating, meeting people, etc. Why can't I just meet someone I already know well and realise we are madly in love? So much easier.
     
  5. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    There's a lot to be said for Independent.
    Being part of a couple is always a compromise.
    Sometimes it's worth it; sometimes not.
     
  6. Yes, but whilst you are waiting for him to pop up under your nose or you realise you love him, why not go kissing frogs?
    And you don't have to forcefully date - you could join a club or evening class or meet via friends or at the bus stop, or in the supermarket, or anywhere.
    What you need to do is stop putting up the barrier of thinking you are too independent for any man to cope with.
    The right one will and love you precisely because of that.
     
  7. dumpty

    dumpty Star commenter

    Some ladies (not accusing either above) confuse independence with false and nervous arrogance - no man can put up with that. Men can be the same and would you put up with a nervous control freak pretending to be so in charge of their life? It sounds a cliche but really, just be yourself. Yes, a successful businessman or woman can act and feel like a little kid - don't try to pretend that is not how you feel (if you feel that way!!)
     
  8. I say go for another date whats the worst that can happen you still dont feel it and you part ways with the first nervous date out the way so can go to others with less trepidation.
     
  9. I see what you're saying, but I am genuinely independent. I have to be. I have been single with the exception oif one year since I was 18. I'm 29 this year.
     
  10. Being independent does not mean you are arrogant. Nor does it mean you are nervous. Nor does it mean you are putting on a show.
    Nor does it mean you don't have a childish side to you, nor does it mean you are always strong.
    It just means - you are independent!
    I am in my mid-fourties and men don't seem to have a problem with it - nor have they ever done. I am me, not some pretend show.

     
  11. Mrs_Frog

    Mrs_Frog New commenter

    Disguise,
    I'm glad that Tuesday night seemed to go well, did you set another date?
    I have been following this, and some of your other threads, and really do wish you well.
    However, please, please, if you are already using the 'too independent' line, and thinking that you will scare him off, you probably will.....
    Don't blight something that to be fair, has not really had the chance to start yet. Give yourself a break...Take it for what it is, which at this stage was a nice night on a Tuesday, what else would you be doing? When I was internet dating, I had more disasters than I care to think about, but I usually took it for what it was, something to do of an evening. I would also walk away/make my excuses etc if things were not going well, and sometimes I made second dates.
    I had, at one point, decided that actually things were not bad, and that I was perfectly fine on my own, and made the conscious decision that I was not going to start anything with anybody, because I was going to be leaving the area anyway, therefore not fair on anyone. Then I went to the pub to watch the rugby with my friend, and met MrL. Funny how things turn out.
    Don't put pressure on yourself, or on anything else, just enjoy it for what it is. And if it turns out not to be anything, its all a worthwhile learning experience....
    Good luck
    B x
     
  12. As BexL has said and Dumpty, you have to be careful with calling yourself independent, for it can be self-defeating in that you feel you have to appear this way and it won't be attractive at all on a first date. I'm not sure why anyone would want to shout that to the world (albeit cyber world) as it sounds a tad childish to do so. It will also come across as childish if you have decided this is how you want to be seen on early dates. Anyhow, BexL has put it very well.
     
  13. Ok, I have to say I am slightly miffed at the last two responses although I do totally understand they were written with the best of intentions. I do not see my independence as a bad thing. I have not told the date on Tuesday I am independent or that my ex thought I was TOO independent. I have not painted it as a bad thing and I don't see why it is childish to pay your own mortgage, clear your own debts and run your own life. Yes I think men find it a barrier in some cases but I don't shout from the rooftops 'Don't come near me, you'll hate my independence'. My point was simply that because I am independent I am not even sure I WANT to date. That is all. I apologise if I have misinterpreted your posts and you didn't mean this but in any case I have set the record straight now. I also apologise if I sound off ish but I just had a row with the phone company so I am probably carrying my anger over!
     
  14. No, not yet. He suggested a meal this weekend but I am genuinely already busy so I can't. I am still deciding if I want a second date too.
     
  15. I understand you, disguise ;o)
    Fix up a second date, when you have time. There doesn't need to be a third, if it doesn't feel right, but at least give it a second go.
    I would also like to point out to the two previous posters - being independent does NOT mean being difficult, nor does it mean you instantly let a male know you can get by by yourself, nor does it mean you are incapable of relationships.
    Christ, look at all the threads on here where most women are advising to "not look needy".
    Now you have a girl who isn't and you are criticising!
    Plenty of men can cope with independent women - being independent doesn't mean you are standoffish or a ball-eater.
     
  16. tangerinecat

    tangerinecat New commenter

    Glad it went well - even if it doesn't go any further you've at least dipped your toe in the water [​IMG]
     
  17. Thanks CQ.

    Au contraire, it means I am able to be by myself but I would LIKE to have someone to rely on. But not just anyone, I need someone I want.
     
  18. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    Are you my daughter?!
     
  19. Ha ha no my Mum can't use a computer! But you seem a nice lady so I can pretend to be if you like?!
     
  20. Mrs_Frog

    Mrs_Frog New commenter

    My comments were written with the very best of intentions. I have been in a very similar situation to yourself, although I am a few years older than you. I do understand how you are feeling, and I think I may have a bit of an understanding of the way in which you see this particular situation.
    I also have my own mortgage, car, good job, no debt, run my own life etc etc
    Some of them will find it a barrier, someone who 'alters the traditional roles' as man as provider. Try adding in a high ranking martial arts grade, and then see how far they run! A woman with her independence and the ability to kick their a.s.s!!!
    If you want to date, then date, if you don't, then don't.
    A very close friend of mine had had enough of the dating thing and was about to give it all up, She then went on one last date that she was not that fussed about originally, ended up clicking with him and married him less than a year later. This is one of the most independent women I have ever come across, and she had been on her own, with her own (beautiful by the way) house for long old time.
    To be honest, I admire MrL for taking me on, I know I am hard work to be with, I am set in my ways, and I have my own finances to bring to the table. When I first met him, I was not really in a 'dating' frame of mind. As I mentioned earlier on in the thread, I had accepted that it was OK to be on my own, and it was then that I met him. I stopped worrying about it, and stopped 'looking' so to speak.
    If you do decide to continue dating, with Mr Tuesday or someone else, just enjoy it. If something comes of it, or if nothing comes of it, Until something gets 'serious' these things should always be fun to start with, especially in the 'getting to know each other' bit.
    I hope I have not written this in such a way to be misinterpreted, as with my post earlier in the thread, it is written with the best intentions.
    Good luck
    B x
     

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