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so horribly anxious

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by happyrabbit, Mar 11, 2012.

  1. Please help me, I am desperate, I am petrified of going to work tomorrow. I feel I have been horribly bullied and am so incredibly scared of what could be waiting for me, but I'm also scared of not going in. I haven't a clue what to do and my mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour.
  2. Please help me, I am desperate, I am petrified of going to work tomorrow. I feel I have been horribly bullied and am so incredibly scared of what could be waiting for me, but I'm also scared of not going in. I haven't a clue what to do and my mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour.
  3. sorry not to be able to say or do anthing more directly involved, but I will pray for you tonight and tomorow morning.
  4. Thank you, crabapple.

    I'm scared to start to cry in case I never stop x
  5. Sweetie, I'm so sorry you have been made to feel like this. I think I know to some extent what you are feeling - In my last job I had many a Sunday night like this, crippled with anxiety. Don't try to sleep while your mind is racing. Have a cup of tea, put a film on, do something to distract yourself.

    You will get through tomorrow and make it to the end of the day - think of all the other days you have made it through.

    I've read another of your posts and gather things are difficult right now. You know, there are many many people that wouldn't be able to get through what you're getting through without falling apart - and you're still going. The fact that you can deal with this job shows what a strong person you are and you need to focus on that because you can't let them bring you down.

    I understand you don't want to give too much away on the forums and thats sensible. Please feel free to pm me if you want some impartial advice from another teacher not directly involved.

    Thinking of you! xx
  6. Thank you Kinell, things are really so hard just now. I'm about to set off, I feel almost numb now which in some ways is a relief compared to how I was feeling last night.
    another weekend ruined [​IMG]
  7. Happyrabbit I saw your posting on the Workplace dilemmas forum, i'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

    Apart from the good advice given there with regard to the union and the doc all I would add is that you need to make a definitive decision, one that you are happy with. You have three weeks left, the choice is to go to the docs and go off sick (it sounds like there would be no question he'd sign you off) or decide that you are going to brave it and do the last three weeks, hell you could even keep a tally chart in your kitchen counting the days down!

    Part of your dilemma seems to be that you are tormenting yourself with which way to turn which is why I suggest that if you decide one way or the other then you might feel a little brighter.

    I hope you find some resolve.
  8. Thank you, Jenny.
    You see, I am scared that if I get signed off it will further antagonise the situation - I spent ages on the phone to the teacher support line last night/this morning, and one of the questions they asked was what I thought the motivation was and I honestly don't know. I'm leaving anyway, I'm not a particularly difficult or awkward employee, my lessons are well planned and while my marking is a bit haywire lately, that's because I was off sick (on her instruction!) before half term.
    I've also had difficult children from elsewhere in the dept. to try and be supportive and it's just ended up backfiring massively on me because the conclusion they reach (the one they want to see) is that I'm completely unable to render any sort of discipline or control in my lessons.
    I'm trying to pluck up courage to leave the house now. I don't want to but I have to, I think if I don't be in I'll spend the day crippled with anxiety while if I go in now I will be anxious but I'm hoping being in might alleviate the anxiety in some way.
    The union haven't been helpful really but one thing I might try and do tonight is see if they can release me for the last 3 weeks but I would need to be paid over this period.
  9. How are you going HappyRabbit? It's good to face the music if you think you can - going back after being absent can be even more stressful - but if you really do feel so anxious it is making you unwell then you have to put your health first, whether it antagonises the situation or not. Sometimes you just have to look after number one and you are more important than any of the problems it will cause if you don't go in.

    Do you feel that you are struggling with discipline in your classes, or do you feel they have made this assumption unfairly? If so, where has it come from? If you do feel like you are having problems managing classes, there should be support put in place to help you. Has this happened?

    I really feel for you, it is awful to suffer this level of anxiety about work and I have been there before myself. You will get through it though, you will look back on this as a truly awful time, but you will get through it - don't let this job and these people knock the confidence out of you.
  10. I know how you feel. I work every hour and it's still not enough. My face doesn't seem to fit recently. Permanently stressed. Confidence crushed beyond belief in ALL situations in and out of work. Possibly depressed - this depends on whether it's work related. Sick in my stomach 24/7. Although I'm not scared - I just don't/can't handle situations any more and therefore being victimised. Doctor says leave or go for counselling. Don't want that on my medical records though. Looking for work elsewhere but there is nothing - and how are you supposed to get references? Hubby says walk out and take care of my health and family - it's not worth it. Don't know how to sort it out. I wish I could help you. My heart sank when I read you message. PM me for support - I really am good with others, just lousy with myself!
  11. Ruthie66

    Ruthie66 New commenter

    you will want a long admission to hospital even less, and it could be much worse than that if you don't get some help when you need it . Please take your doctor's advice.
  12. Rrocca, I really feel for you - it's an absolutely horrible situation to be in and it consumes your every waking moment. I can really relate to everything you say.
    With regard to counselling, so many people access this I can't see it being even remotely an issue. But if you don't want it on your records could you organise it privately? That said I have to admit only leaving my workplace would have worked for me, the ht was determined to make my life miserable.
    I went in on Monday but I wasn't coping too well and cried twice, once privately, once not and so didn't go in today and I won't be in tomorrow - I have had supportive news however from one of the assistant heads, I think I may be able to feasibly stay off until Easter but to be honest I am not really up to making any decisions yet. I feel upset for the kids but I also know i really have to put myself first right now and make decisions based on what is best for me first and foremost.
    One of the worst things is that I don't really have anybody I can turn to and just have a cry. I feel too ashamed to confide in my friends and I'm not really sure they would "get it" and as lovely as my parents are we aren't close in a confiding sense: I love them very much and they me, and yet we are a little more distant than in some ways I'd like. I live alone and so I don't have the comfort of others around me to take my mind off things when I wake up in the middle of the night or during the long afternoon hours when time seems to stand still.
  13. Thank you. Good advice. I know and am working on it. I do still want to work though.
    Why do we fear taking time off? because you are considered weak and it makes it more difficult to cope with when you return. You wouldn't believe what happened when I did ask for support after illness. Who would employ with stress on their records? Yes I could go privately i.e. women's centre but I just don't have the time - it is an endless circle. My union confirmed I could never prove anything. Where does that leave me? Well it keeps them in a job for sure - even they wouldn't stick their neck on the line in the current climate.
  14. I think you've hit the nail on the head there, a lot of this behaviour is designed to reinforce the fact that management are doing a good job and it makes them more and more indispensable as they seem to be weeding out the poor teachers one by one. This could be why you've been singled out for this treatment.

    I often wondered why I had been singled out for similar bullying, I think it was because I tell the truth and want things to be genuinely fixed rather than just glossed over and spun into looking good.

    Anyway the point is you're not alone and it's probably nothing you've done, this is just what this career is like. I know that doesn't make it any less debilitating, but at least you can absolve yourself from any blame.

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