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So depressed and stressed, bullied and accused of misconduct

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by areyermadferit, Sep 17, 2019.

  1. Curae

    Curae Star commenter

    Wonderfully caring and practical advice.
    jlishman2158, agathamorse and pepper5 like this.
  2. Curae

    Curae Star commenter

    I think you have highlighted my main concern here. So caring andhow are you these days... welcome back
    agathamorse, install and pepper5 like this.
  3. notreallyme75

    notreallyme75 Occasional commenter

    They were awful when I needed help and I too thought it was just e as everyone was recommending them.. am guessing that’s a service that once was marvellous and has gone downhill.
    jlishman2158, agathamorse and pepper5 like this.
  4. install

    install Star commenter

    I am fine. Thankyou. The original poster reminds me of a tough time I had in a school. I took myself straight to my gp and realised after time off that I could put my illness down to the Head's behaviour, demands and knee jerk type reactions. I was the first in a long line of staff who left that school eventually. But I didn't know that then.

    Needless to say I got a job in a happier school fast. As for the head I read some years later the Union and Governors persuaded them to leave for trying to get rid of staff and courses when they didn't need to. And for putting much needed finances elsewhere.

    Many staff just left the school eventually. There are unhappy schools out there due to bullying. But not all schools are like this.
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
  5. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Hi notreallyme75

    Yes, you might be right...perhaps it was once a great service but somehow has lost its way.

    It is a shame since there are so many people who need somewhere to turn to in crisis.

    Perhaps when I retire I will set up something.

    In the meantime, Citizens Advice Bureau are good as are the Samaritans.
  6. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    When life gets so bad that you cannot think straight, it is not exactly balm to reach for a phone service that promises a call back or keeps you waiting or parrots "I hear what you are saying" and then falls professionally silent so you can list your additional failings.
    When I was in a seemingly intractable situation I found turning in complete anonymity to the people on here was more help to me than any other advice line or counselling service.
    If you work in education and it goes bad and sends ripples throughout you and your family's life, you don't need financial experts or professionals trained in crisis, as much as you need others who have been through similar but have subsequently wrested a better place from which to share their story.
    When the chips are down, a little hope goes a long way. Knowing others have survived the same puts you into the psychology of probability rather than despair.
    I hope the mysterious imminent changes to these boards will not take away the functionality of how life changing they can be for needy people.
  7. FriarLawrence

    FriarLawrence Occasional commenter

    OP, I can't add much to the very kind and sensible advice offered so far, but I do sympathise. Sometimes it feels like you're losing your mind. I too am a former SLT type who's now back in the classroom (wouldn't touch SLT again with a bargepole).

    It can be hideously difficult when you feel your card's been marked, but you will prevail. And we're all here for you.
  8. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter


    I agree with all you write.

    These boards are a help to many and the experiences of people hetting back on their feet give hope to otherd facing similar circumstances.
    jlishman2158 and agathamorse like this.
  9. areyermadferit

    areyermadferit New commenter

    Thank you everybody who has replied and given advice to me you are all so kind and have given a lot of good thoughts to me. I have spoken to union at long last today after having to phone them again. He said whole thing is ridiculous and tell me to not worry.

    About ESP they used to be really good but now seems adifferent lot of people not trained cousellors and linked to workplace options which is also useless. The 5 or 6 minutes of data protection notices in aggressive voice before you speak to them is very off putting. I phoned them in desperate state last week and was upset explained what happend bullied etc and supposed counsellor replied with 'How do you intend to deal with your aggression?' Like ***?
  10. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Hi @areyermadferit

    That is good news that you have made contact with your union and they have told you not to worry - that is a good sign that you have their support. That is a blessing. They will be able to advise you on what to do regarding dealing with the school and the misconduct issue and how that will affect your job at the school and beyond. It is a relief to know you now have the union involved and someone is dealing with your case.

    I agree with all you write about ESP. You are much better off calling your GP, local well being service, Samaritans, friends, family, and posting on here.

    Your union may have some contacts regarding counselling. The CAB are also good. If you do a Google search, there are charities set up for victims of bullying which you might find useful as they may have advice regarding counselling or what other steps you can take.

    Take their advice and not worry about these matters as they will be resolved satisfactorily. Your union will help you with the legal matters regarding references and other issues you need to think about in connection with work for the future whether that is working in teaching or working in another role. Don't take any hasty decisions but be guided through your union on what might be your best options to put you in the best position since you need to get back to work when you are able.

    You are an experienced teacher of 20 years which no one can take that away from you - many teachers leave within 5 years of qualifying, so you have done an amazing job.

    There are so many interesting jobs outside of education as well - new opportunities await for you when you are ready or another teaching post in a school where you will be happy.

    You might not think you can make it through this dark valley, but you will.

    One step at a time and one day at a time.
    jlishman2158 and agathamorse like this.
  11. CWadd

    CWadd Star commenter

    I'm genuinely shocked that your HoD thinks they can say things to you like "I hope your family die." Have they said anything in a similar vein about you, hoping for your death? If so, a stinking letter from a solicitor, or a visit from the police might shut their ugly flapping trap up. So might putting it in writing and sending it to the CoG. It is utterly outrageous they think they have the right to say that and get away with it.
  12. lmat6725

    lmat6725 New commenter

    I have been through this and survived. I still have bad days but I know how to cope so much better. I am not teaching currently. Talk to me any time.
    pepper5, steely1 and agathamorse like this.
  13. Lalad

    Lalad Star commenter

    Agree 100% with this.

    However, to be fair to ESP: when I contacted them roughly ten years ago, I found them useless - they actually made me feel worse - but when I contacted them last year while having problems with WRS, I found them to be really helpful and supportive.

    Edit. Ten years ago, I was able to take a 6 month mortgage break which really helped. Ask your lender if it comes to that.
    sbkrobson and pepper5 like this.
  14. Madalinutza

    Madalinutza New commenter

    Considered suicide 3 times? Are you serious? I don't think you should be in a classroom. You need help. You can't possible have these thoughts over a job.
  15. Bingowings64

    Bingowings64 New commenter

  16. Bingowings64

    Bingowings64 New commenter

    Don't despair! Don't attend any meetings alone or at all. Sign off sick. Sign up to an agency for supply work or Tutor Hunt. Resign. My experience and actions two years ago and I haven't looked back. Take care you will come through.
  17. mrjack

    mrjack Occasional commenter

    Also get proper legal advice if needed, unions in my experience are not up to it, they let you down, tell porkies and don't see things through to the end. Pay for proper legal advice, I wish I did.
    pepper5 likes this.
  18. i4004

    i4004 New commenter

  19. 8sycamore

    8sycamore Occasional commenter

    I've been bullied in the past and I think I might understand how you feel.
    I say this because the first, and most important point to make, is that you are worth so much more than a job. You've said you've considered suicide. Please talk to someone about how you're feeling. It is just a job. Once you've left, these people, tormentors actually, will mean nothing to you.
    Secondly, if you've been in this profession for 20 years, hats off to you. You are clearly not a poor teacher, or you wouldn't have lasted this long.
    Now for a dose of real life experience. You can't fight this. They will band together. It's not right, but it's reality. I've seen it over and over again with friends and colleagues. Plan your exit.
    If you can't secure a permanent job just now, why not consider supply? Make a list of all the schools you'd be prepared to work at and contact them. I know people who've had success this way.
    Please look after yourself.

    SUPER.SUPPLY Occasional commenter

    Unions should say immediately, sign yourself off. 6 months full pay then 6 months half pay, that is the way it used to be. A visit to your gp signing you off with work related stress is recorded for national statistics. This toxic way of working is all too commonplace.Buy yourself time and your health back too. YOU deserve it. And, plan. your exit. Somebody mentioned counselling, your school may have bought into a scheme which provides that and health insurance for its staff in case of needing urgent hospital care. Just get yourself our of the classroom now, don't put yourself through any more... Take care you.
    ms honey likes this.

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