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So depressed and stressed, bullied and accused of misconduct

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by areyermadferit, Sep 17, 2019.

  1. areyermadferit

    areyermadferit New commenter

    20 years of teaching. Several years in the same school, am at my lowest point ever and signed off this week with WRS. Been bullied and got at to the point I have considered suicide three times in the last year. Gone from senior management to classroom teacher. Put up with unkind comments and criticism constantly, told I am a failing teacher repeatedly. Today been told I am suspended pending investigation into my conduct after an argument with a manager, who has been horrible to me on and off over three years, but intensified recently, saying things like hope my family die etc. All blown out of proportion and no one believes the level of bullying. School have got witness statements and say I can't go back until after this hearing. Been told I cannot contact any friends at the school.
    I cannot bare this school but have trying to find another job. I can't even get interviews.
    Can anyone advise me please? Unions are useless and just give BS when you phone up and I even phoned Education Support Network as I felt so low and found the service to be a joke and very uncaring, not like it used to be.
    I will literally be homeless if lose my job. I have been treated very unfairly. I feel at total rock bottom.
    How will I be able to get another job with this on my record?
    I am so depressed and could really do with a friend on here, or some advice.
  2. blazer

    blazer Star commenter

    The only advice I can give is go back to the union and insist on some help. If necessary go to the office and speak face to face with someone..
  3. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    Get as much written down as possible about the argument, as factual as possible, and also about things that have happened previously. (Anyone being bullied should be advised to keep a written record.) Think of anyone who might have witnessed anything. If you have talked to a doctor at any point, make a note of that, too.

    Go back to the union. If your local rep doesn't respond, contact someone further up the organisation. If you are suspended they must provide some support.
  4. Laphroig

    Laphroig Lead commenter

    So sorry to hear this. Get the union involved and write down everything with time and date, no matter how trivial it seems at the time. It will prove patterns as well as provide a record.
  5. areyermadferit

    areyermadferit New commenter

    Thank you to every body. I am writing it down and have kep a log going back a few years. Nobody from union is replying. Feel alone and worried about losing my home and being homeless ect
  6. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    Ring the central number, keep trying until you get through. I hope they manage to get you some help and advice soon.
  7. areyermadferit

    areyermadferit New commenter

    thank you still waiting after one week phone today and was just moaned at and said had to wait for the regional caseworker to phone me.
  8. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter


    Sorry that you are going through this crisis. A few months ago, I went through a time when I needed union advice and did not find them helpful. I agree with your comments regarding the Education Support Partnership.

    I also faced being behind with mortgage payments. We contacted our mortgage company and got a two month payment holiday. We are still atruggling but have only 10 payments until we own the house so it is tough but we see the end in sight.

    Write down the phone number of the Samaritans and ring/email them anytime 24/7.

    It might seem that your situation wont improve, but it will.

    Keep in contact with your union but check your household insurance policy to see if you have legal cover. You cant use the union and a private solicitor but you may wish to consider using legal representation outside the union.

    You are at rock bottom but you will find a way forward.

    Keep in touch with your GP and let them know what has happened. Ask to be put on a list for counselling.

    Contact CAB in connection with any benefits you are entitled to. They may also give you contacts for free legal advice.

    Get help from family and friends. In my own case, friends at church have been a life line pulling me from the brink when it became too much.

    Try not to think too far ahead.

    You are important and your life is important.

    Once the other issues are sorted satisfactorily you might wish to consider supply short term.

    Take care.
  9. areyermadferit

    areyermadferit New commenter

    thanks Pepper, that is a really kind and positive reply. I did phone Samaritans and found them to be amazing and caring. ESP are really poor now and after you have got through the 10 mins of aggressive data protection notices, you finally get put through to someone who asks irrelevant questions and is of no help.
    install and pepper5 like this.
  10. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Hi again

    You are more than welcome. I know exactly how you feel.

    I also found ESP of no help for the reasons you state. I thought perhaps I was imagining it.

    My friends at church and on here helped me in really dark days.

    Definitely ring CAB and check your household insurance to see if you are covered.

    The Samariitans are brilliant.

    Things seem very bleak to you now, but you can get back on track one day at a time.

    Definitely keep on top of your union, go to your GP, phone the CAB and check your household insurance for legal cover.

    You will get better and you won't always feel the way you do now.
  11. briancant

    briancant Occasional commenter

    I would say don't set foot back in that school again. I would personally just get out and start a new chapter.

    I was horrendously bullied at my last school. Every class I had was a bottom set, I had no class room, no base to store anything, I was undermined with every decision I made. After being summoned to a formal telling off for putting a rude year 9 in detention, I packed up my stuff and just left. Life is too short to put up with this sh**. I did also swear at the head via email, it was the only way I could fully express what I thought of him. Move on it is the best way, legal action will involve a lot of heart ache so may not be worth it.
  12. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Good points in post from briancant as long as you can ensure you have some sort of reference.


    What did you do about references?
    steely1 likes this.
  13. briancant

    briancant Occasional commenter

    Became self employed so they didn't matter.
    steely1, agathamorse, Shedman and 5 others like this.
  14. notreallyme75

    notreallyme75 Occasional commenter

    Been where you are too and absolutely agree that ESP were useless and really didn’t seem to understand what I was telling them... Samaritans amazing.
    I just keep hoping the good will out so to speak... am still in the middle of things but I’m definitely in a better place than I was a few months ago so please hang in there.
  15. install

    install Star commenter

    See GP. You sound severely depressed. Having suicidal thoughts needs to be addressed. Your health and mental state matters more than anything else.

    Also contact Union. Mention the suicidal thoughts and depression you are suffering. The school are not been supportive here at all. Your Union Rep would need to mention your poor state of health imho. It isn't your fault - but you will find a way forward if you also surround yourself with a support group and friends.

    You will find your happy self again. And you will be stronger but you must seek help.
  16. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    I see briancant...

    Interesting what you say notreallyme75 about ESP. I would say they were awful when I needed help.
    I thought it was just me.
    It is very interesting other peolle think their service useless.

    Agree that Samaritans are amazing.
  17. chelsea2

    chelsea2 Star commenter

    I can't offer any better advice than has already been posted, but keep posting on here. Loads of people have been where you are and have come through it 'blooded but unbowed'. And many have found being able to unload on here to be helpful. Because many of us know what it's like.
  18. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    You wont. You'll be fine. Especially if you act now.
    Once you put your mind to it, you'll find that hanging on to a home with curtailed means of paying for it is far more in your control than sorting out an abysmal work situation.
    First of all, make some changes to your mortgage-a holiday, an interest only deal, an extension to the term. Whatever. All lenders want to hang on to you, and as a qualified teacher with payment form,you represent a particularly viable prospect. So you can talk to them about how to get through. You don't need to give your circumstance. You can just say that you are going to have to take a break from working. How can they help you?
    Review your spending as drastically as you can, and put some money to one side whilst you are still being paid
    Can you get a lodger? Can you sell anything on eBay? Can you do tutoring? Can you return any recent purchases as unwanted for a refund? Can you offer any paid for skills on a local basis, such as simple accounts,repairs,gardening, languages, mechanics? .

    You might be surprised that your words quoted above have gone through the mind of so many, but it's true in this thread, also true for me. It is also true that you need to focus on keeping your home, and that task is ultimately far more doable than restoring a sh$$t situation gone bad at work.
    You'll get there .
  19. Curae

    Curae Star commenter

    So sorry. All tbe advice given is excellent but please do put your mental health first as @install states THEN sort the rest out. This is the start of better things to come.

    My love to all you brilliant TESSERS for helping OP. You restore my faith in all things that are good during the dark periods we sometimes go through. Keep strong OP for you and US for we will be here to hold you up never letting you fall.
    For OP and all of us
    agathamorse, install and DexterDexter like this.
  20. Curae

    Curae Star commenter

    You are such a nice TESSER... bless your heart!
    PGCE_tutor, agathamorse and pepper5 like this.

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