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Small ethical dilemma for you to discuss

Discussion in 'Personal' started by rustybug, Jun 28, 2011.

  1. We booked ages ago to go away for 2 weeks in August. My mum agreed to live in our house and look after our 8-month old puppy while we're away.
    Now my brother has invited her on holiday with him. She almost never gets to see him as he lives on the other side of the world. He has 2 kids who she last saw about 2 years ago.
    In fact he has invited her on two separate holidays with him and his family, to be run contiguously, a week in Scotland and then 2 weeks sailing in Turkey. The Turkey part is a direct hit on our holiday dates, Scotland won't cause us any problem at all.
    My husband feels he will be very angry if she lets us down as she has made a commitment. I feel that she is in her mid-70s, and will almost certainly not get another chance to go on a sailing holiday in Turkey, plus the opportunity to spend time with her son and grandchildren are what life is really about, not doing what she does every day: hanging around our house looking after our dog while we live our lives. So I feel she should be encouraged to go, even if it costs us nearly £500 to board the puppy (assuming we can board him out with someone we'd trust to look after him for so long).
  2. No contest. Your mother should seize this opportunity with both hands. If you choose the kennels carefully, your puppy will be well looked after and you can all have a worry-free holiday.
    I hope she has a wonderful time.

  3. 1. Did you think your mother was always going to be around to save you the cost of boarding the dog you chose to buy?
    2. If she made the commitment to you first then yes, it is a disappointment that she is not honouring it. But it's not for a trivial reason, is it. It's for a very good reason and one that trumps your £500 kennel fees.
    Tell your husband to get over himself or your Mum will cut you both out of her will.
  4. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    I agree with you. Your Mum should and must go on holiday. I doubt your brother booked the dates to clash on purpose.
    As for dog sitters, look for private ones as well as boarding kennels, or ask at your local vet's surgery.
    I hope you get it sorted and you and your Mum have great holidays [​IMG]
  5. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    While I'm sure your mother will feel obliged to stay and look after the puppy - she did promise, I would not hold her to that obligation but say "I hope you go on holiday" or similar.
    Sadly I'll not be around so can't look after your doggy :)
  6. Shoot and eat the dog. Your mum gets a holiday - you get a roast dinner. Everyone's happy.

    cyolba, canine lover :)
  7. She hasn't said what she wants to do yet. She will feel she should honour it. I feel I should sway her the other way but have had hubby grumping on about commitment etc. If I say nothing she will not go.
    (There isn't much of a will, she hasn't got anything!)
    However I do feel like saying to him, OK, then, BE very angry - tell her you are so angry you won't let her look after your dog any more, see who that hurts!
    But his reaction made me question myself. Surely life is about sailing in Turkey? And at her age you should be doing the things that life is about?
  8. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Oh do tell him just becasue he has a **** doesn't mean he has to act like one!
    Then he can build a bridge and get over himself!
  9. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Quite true, at 70yrs old life is pleasing yourself as you may only have a few years left to enjoy such things (I'm not suggesting that she may die but she could become infirm over coming years that would limit her ability to do this).
  10. If there wasn't the Scotland week he would have no argument at all, if not going to Turkey would mean she wouldn't see them or have a holiday with them.
    But she will get a week of fell-walking in remote Scotland with them with no problems for anyone.
    He feels I think that 3 weeks is an insanely long time to need to spend together when you have made another commitment.
  11. It's £500. I don't see what the "ethical" aspect of this is. If you're too cheap to pay the kennel fees see if another friend or relative can help out.
  12. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    I think he's forgetting that she's 70! I know she's likely to go on for a good few years yet but it can't be guaranteed, can it? Perhaps the thought of the money you will have to pay boarding the dog is clouding his judgement?
  13. Surely at the end of the day its your puppy. If your husband was worried about kennel costs this is something that should have been discussed when buying the dog and considered whether you would be willing to give up holidays.
    My parents never took us on holiday as children...all because of the cat which my mum refused to leave!!
    Hope your husband can see reason and you find somewhere decent for the puppy
  14. Damn right she should be doing the things that life is about. Your husband chose to get a dog that he can't look after because he is at work (as are you) and he relies on your mother tying herself down day after day. I have to say this is selfish. Is he expecting her to look after this dog until the day it dies, say 13 years from now?
    No, you must encourage her to go. Your husband can have a tantrum if he wants but the dog will be fine in kennels. Look at petsitters too - they are vetted, as it were, and can be trusted to look after your puppy.
  15. He sees it as an ethical issue, if he makes a commitment hell will freeze over before he breaks it. We would not have booked a trip that involved Puppy being boarded, not so much the money, it's not a thing we've ever done. Out of our comfort zone!!
  16. A recent photo of Mr Rustybug:
    cyolba, unapologetic and still in favour of curried canine :)
  17. How dare he think he has the right to be angry with another adult? Does he get unreasonably angry with men or is it just women that he lets his temper intimidate?
  18. jazz2

    jazz2 New commenter

    More fool him.
    There is nothing 'unethical' about agreeing to look after somebody's pet because you have nothing else to do, then saying you can't because you are busy after all. It is inconvenient, not unethical.
    If your mother had agreed to go on holiday with you, and then wanted to go off with your brother instead, I can see you might have reason to be annoyed. But I can't think why you'd allow your <strike>toddler</strike> husband to dictate what your 70-year-old mother should do with her time.
  19. Tell your mum to go and enjoy herself and your husband to get over it (and I know this isn't always easy). She's 70, not seen her grandchildren in a couple of years and this has to be her priority. I don't see what difference the week in Scotland makes. Why should this mean she doesn't need, or deserve the 2 weeks in Turkey? It will interfere with your plans and it might be hard and sounds like it will cause you a few problems with a grumpy hubby, but stand up for your mum.
  20. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I know what I'd be saying to him if he were my husband.

    I also know that I'd be saying 'bon voyage' to my mother and hoping she had a fantastic time.
    I'd either stump up the &pound;500 or find someone else willing to have the dog and I wouldn't breathe a word that might make my mum feel guilty.

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