Worked my way up to a senior position some years ago and then stepped down because I was at breaking point. Moved schools, took another promotion, worked my way back up. Here I am as a deputy head position in a school without a full complement of SLT. Since arriving at the school (which is only recently) I've been given the workload of the vacant SLT slots on top of the original work I was employed for - no discussion, no thank you, just given to me with an expectation I can meet all the additional requirements on top of the original ones. Am under constant pressure to deal with staff in a way that doesn't come naturally to me. Staff are people. They have families. They are not cogs in a machine that can be replaced when they are not working as the machine operator thinks they should. Under huge pressure to manage people out who actually need support. If their performance isn't good enough I'm taken to task over it even if the support is there to help them improve over time. In this wonderful world of mass academisation the almighty academy has a strategy of employing business types rather than teachers to senior positions. The business types question my teaching and that of everyone else (apparently no one can do anything right). Have now given up having the endless infuriating conversations about the fact that teaching is an art and not a formula like one you'd apply to a business model. The business bods produce reams of unnecessary paperwork to track this, plan that, delegate this, account for that, constant delegation - i.e. make someone else accountable and responsible. Take their 50k+ salaries and go home at 5 to leave me to manage the avalanche of work they are burying the poor teachers and me in. No room for suggestions of a different approach - the megalith that is the academy only allows one way of doing things. The other deputy head is rude to people, has reduced staff to tears, doesn't do her marking, doesn't pull her weight with behaviour around the place, doesn't action anything to support staff - I'm left picking up the pieces for all the above. Working environment is physically dreadful. Dark building, noisy, no air, many days I go from 7am - 6pm without eating, going to the toilet or seeing the sky at any point. Tried tentatively to address it and was told I'm a senior leader so I should be quiet so other staff don't follow. Just writing this is making my heart race. The thought of going to another meeting to be crucified at the SLT table or listen to another tranche of perfectly lovely and decent teachers be crucified behind their backs makes me feel ill. But the thought of not going in makes me feel worse because of the potential consequences. I am bursting into tears at the drop of a hat - in school and out. I get a bit of sleep each night but I'm having nightmares every night. Some days I walk the school corridors and feel dissociated from my body as though I'm floating or the corridor literally tips sideways in front of me. I'm driving around roads I've known all my life and can't remember where I am. Have called my union who are willing to represent me in all the above but I'm clearly not cut out for SLT. I'm the wrong personality type. It's time to get out. Probably of teaching altogether. I've applied for other jobs. Will I regret the 50% paycut? Not at all. Will I regret not being a 'boss'? Nope. Am I terrified about having a conversation at school to explain my decision? Completely. Am I going to let them know about my health? Definitely not - it's been known to make things worse when people have done that. I've never been given a contract so don't know how soon I can leave but what happens if you break a contract? and.. when do you decide to take time off sick to prevent becoming ill before you actually get ill? Can I apply for other jobs if I'm off sick? Sorry for lengthy post but any thoughts / answers to my questions / or maybe a talking to because I'm being a bit precious would be most welcome. I've lost all perspective. thank you in advance.