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Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by saluki, Apr 27, 2019.

  1. saluki

    saluki Lead commenter

    For those of you who teach/have taught your own children: What is the etiquette regarding sleepovers with their friends who you also teach?
    It sounds an absolute minefield to me and best avoided.
    Also, how does being friends with the parents of children you teach work? Gin nights and PTA meetings? Wattsapp groups?
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  2. Pomza

    Pomza Star commenter

    Just select who you associate with carefully and don’t say and do anything stupid, then you should be fine.
  3. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    This is where not having any friends makes life so much easier.

    As a devoutly antisocial person I find this sort of behaviour unfathomable. Having kids to your house? To stay over? Kids you TEACH???!!! Being friendly with the parents?

    No chance.
  4. Pomza

    Pomza Star commenter

    Children deserve the opportunities to have friends and do the normal things that kids like to do when they are growing up - regardless of whether their parent is a teacher or not.
  5. hs9981

    hs9981 Established commenter

    They will have a smart phone! OMG!

    Mercilessly scrub the toilet, tidy the house.

    Do you have a lock on the toilet door? What if they disclose something to your about their parents? What if they find 'those' pictures?

    So many what ifs..........

    Depending on their age.... What if you leave them alone any they have a rave party and all the kids dress up in your clothes and post pictures on Facebook.......

    I'm sure everything will be fine though.
    Curae and yodaami2 like this.
  6. theworm123

    theworm123 Lead commenter

    It’s really not a simple cut and dry situation is it?

    I’ve known a situation where a teacher enrolled her son into the primary school she taught at to make life easier as a single mum.

    Being a single form entry an inevitable situation came up where she ended up becoming his year 4 teacher, it wasn’t a secret who his mum was either.

    I believe their solution was 9-3 she stopped being his mum and became Mrs So and So, after that she became mum again and he stayed with her until she went home.

    He had friends from the class come over for parties and sleepovers and what happens outside of school stays outside of school was the mantra for those situations.
    agathamorse and Gsr25 like this.
  7. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    Agreed. This situation arose regularly with my children and never caused any difficulties. There is no problem as long as you remember never to reveal anything that is gossip or inside information or, obviously, confidential to the parents of your children's friends. Don't say anything that you wouldn't say to all parents.
  8. MrMedia

    MrMedia Star commenter

    Taught all my son's friends. Knew the parents. Sometimes around the house on the PlayStation. Sometime the children as well. (sorry!)
    It’s a separation of states. Outside school, the parents make the decision if the child can go to your house or not as per society's rules. Inside school, I played my role as teacher strictly.
    My personal experience was that all his mates got straight A grades on account that they couldn’t mess about for their mate's dad. Still see them all now in their thirties when they all get together. A teacher, a priest, all sorts. Solid sensible boys the lot of them. It’s not a bad thing for them if children are friends with a teacher's child.
    Curae, agathamorse, aypi and 5 others like this.
  9. Girlfromthenorthcountry

    Girlfromthenorthcountry New commenter

    When my Y9 son invites friends round (some whom I teach) I avoid being alone with them - they walk into the kitchen for a drink, I'll wander out... my husband thinks I'm nuts!!

    I've drawn the line at sleepovers and when I've explained my position to parents (whom I'm also friends with) they understand completely and offer to have the sleepover at theirs

    I was once in the car with a friend of son/student, dropping off after youth club. He was sat in the back but I insisted he also open the windows!?? Not too sure why...
    Curae likes this.
  10. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Do I take it that not hosting a sleepover means your child is deprived?

    I know I'm a little old-fashioned but I had no idea!
  11. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    Some teachers seem to manage being parents in these situations much better than others.

    Some are a blinkin gossiping nightmare, putting all kinds of nonsense on whatsapp and the like.
    The vast majority are absolutely fine and separate the two states perfectly. Mum/Dad out of school and Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss so and so in school. No problems at all.

    It's a very common situation, just be who you are and do what seems right.
    Curae and agathamorse like this.
  12. cheesypop

    cheesypop Senior commenter

    Personally I’ve always chosen to live a good drive away from where I work. Before I had children it was so I didn’t have anyone saying ‘hi Miss’ over the fence when I put the washing out in my dressing down, and since having children it’s so they could go to their local school without me there.
    However, I also worked with a fab head of year who lived locally and both his children went to the school. Boy and girl. He also coached the local football team. His children had sleepovers and there was never an issue. Any issues there were came from parents thinking they had an ‘in’ because of his position, and most issues were regarding football issues rather than school issues!
  13. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    So there were issues. Ah, well. I couldn't be doing with "issues".
  14. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    I taught my offspring and I was definitely Mrs ST in school and they could call me mum after 3.30pm. Friends came over to play in the holidays as I told them I couldn’t manage after school times while working full time. The other parents were fine. There were a very few who I’d happily enjoy a cup of coffee and chat with but no more. We lived just outside the catchment area. It worked out for them. One is off to the christening of one of those school friends’ baby tomorrow. I still love to hear about their lives and they thought it great when they were old enough to call me by my christian name. I don’t recall sleepovers when they were young. Maybe as teenagers but they had long left our school then. However, the word safeguarding with all its connotations was still well in the future for schools then. There didn’t ought to be any problems provided you are sensible.
  15. mothergoose2013

    mothergoose2013 Occasional commenter

    No problems when I taught my son and his peers. Parents and kids, (including my own), seemed to understand the boundaries instinctively. I am still in contact with many of them now. That said, be selective with the involvement you have with parents, trust you gut, and set good boundaries yourself. I taught several of my neighbours kids without issue and would do it again.
    Best wishes.
  16. yodaami2

    yodaami2 Lead commenter

    agathamorse likes this.
  17. blazer

    blazer Star commenter

    Blazer minor was friends with the son of his French teacher. sometimes he would sleep over at her house. There was no problem although the experience going over to pick him up in the morning and chatting with the teacher who was wearing her nighty made parents; evening more interesting!
  18. aypi

    aypi Established commenter

    Two of my children are going through my school just now, and their friends are in and out the door of the house all the time.
    I am human, they are human, it is not an issue.
  19. Gsr25

    Gsr25 Occasional commenter

    I’m not a teacher but I work in my kids school. My eldest child is currently having a sleepover and I know and have worked with the children staying over. It’s all working out fine although I did have to read the riot act earlier.
  20. TheOracleAtDelphi

    TheOracleAtDelphi Occasional commenter

    Are you concerned because your school has a particularly tightly worded policy about contact with pupils out of school? I've read a couple which really don't take the teacher-who-is-also-a-parent situation into account...

    On the anecdote level, one of my teachers taught both of his children (he and his wife both worked in the same department so trying to arrange it so that neither parent taught them would have been nigh on possible) and while one of them called him by his teacher name, the other quite happily called him dad...
    agathamorse likes this.

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