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single mum thread

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by yourthoughts, Jun 20, 2011.

  1. <font size="2">Hello!</font>

    <font size="2">well i have recently become a single mum, Im okay with it at the
    mo, just started back at work and getting myself together! </font>

    <font size="2">Thought I would find out if there are any other single mums out
    there (On here!!!) that could offer any advise, how do you cope?!?!? and how to
    manage finances. </font>

    <font size="2">Does anyone know what I will be entitled to??</font>

    Thanks xxx

  2. <font size="2">Hello!</font>

    <font size="2">well i have recently become a single mum, Im okay with it at the
    mo, just started back at work and getting myself together! </font>

    <font size="2">Thought I would find out if there are any other single mums out
    there (On here!!!) that could offer any advise, how do you cope?!?!? and how to
    manage finances. </font>

    <font size="2">Does anyone know what I will be entitled to??</font>

    Thanks xxx
  3. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    Me, I am!
    I dunno as I can say how I cope though, I'm afraid, I just do. No idea what you'd be entitled to either, I'm afraid (I live in a Crown Dependency so it's different).
    It is doable though, and I'm finding that there are even some really nice things about being a single parent. [​IMG]
    Sounds like you're coping really well so far, especially if you're just going back to work as well. How long have you been single?
  4. Hello! Thanks for replying to my thread so quickly!!
    <font size="3" face="Times New Roman">

    </font>Well i have only recently in the last few weeks become
    <font size="3" face="Times New Roman">

    </font>I have an 11 month old girl who i just adore and who is
    keeping me going at the moment!
    <font size="3" face="Times New Roman">

    </font>My husband told me in January that he has cheated on me and
    since then I have been trying to work things out and put things right but he
    just didn&rsquo;t put the effort in that he should!
    <font size="3" face="Times New Roman">

    </font>How about you??
    What is Crown Dependency?? and whats the really nice things about being single?????Please answer that one as i need something to look forwards too!

  5. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    I'm not a single mum yet, but I hope to be soon!
  6. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    Oh, that's very sad [​IMG] but I think better to do it now than when your daughter's too small to really understand what has happened.
    I ran afoul of one of those good-looking charmers that your mother always warned you about and got pregnant accidentally (contraception fail). He's good about maintainance, adores our son (seven months and absolutely the best thing since sliced bread) and sees him a couple of times a week, but is still a not-very-grown-up messer-abouter so best kept at arm's length.
    It's not been a great situation but yours sounds much harder - especially trying to mend a marriage whilst looking after a baby and preparing to go back to work. Bloody hell, you've done well to keep it together!
    Is he still going to play a part in your daughter's life? How are you finding that side of things?
    Nice things about being a single mother... it is just you and the baby, you make all the main decisions and you don't have to compromise to anyone else's opinions in the day-to-day bringing-up and routine. Also, because it's just the pair of you, you get very attuned to them and their moods and needs - when I've stayed with my parents and things I've found that it's harder in a way because I'm not as sure about what Lite wants.
    Also - and this sounds a bit negative but it's nice really - because you expect everything to be difficult and awful you are frequently taken by surprise by how gorgeous having a baby can be.
    Crown dependencies are really boring - they're bits of Britain that have their own government and different benefit systems and so on (I'd say which but it's really small and I'm always worried that I'm immediately recognisable on here as it is). I'd make an appt with your CAB or similar to find out what you're entitled to, though?

  7. Do you mind me asking, are you having a baby alone by choice or splitting from a partner?
    If the former, would you mind if I asked you some more questions
    I'll understand if not [​IMG]
  8. I was a single mum for 6 years and you just get on with it. There's not really anything else you can do. I actually loved being a single mum, there was only me and my daughter to please, she got a lot of attention, whatever she wanted to do we did (within reason). It's much harder now, being in a relationship and having to take his views into account about whatever I choose to do with lo.
    When you're on your own you are entitled to a discount on your council tax (you pay 75%) and more in the way of tax credits. You just need to apply the same way as when you are part of a couple, or if you are already getting tax credits you need to phone them and let them know about the change in your circumstances.
    Good luck, I'm sure you'll manage fine.
  9. hhhh

    hhhh Star commenter

    Hi do you have family/friends nearby who can help? If not, can you move, at least for a bit? That obviously depends on if you feel you need to for a bit, not patronisingor suggesting you can't cope alone
    Have to say my single mum friends have lots of help from family and do a great job. One says she's got used to the fact her ex takes the lo 3 times a week and feels this works well for them.
    One thing I hate is the patronising of single mums, the assumption they won't work, or they can't cope and need lots of help. Even our locaL SURESTART centre did this!
  10. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    go for it!
  11. I am a single mam - Roo is 5 and a half months old. I have never had a partner and have loved it so far! I have no one to resent for not pulling their weight and I do things my way. Im lucky that my little boy is very relaxed and sleeps well at night as I think this would be harder on very little sleep but its great. Im not sure how finances will work yet and need to look into tax credits etc as Im still on maternity leave but would love some tips off people!
  12. kittenjames

    kittenjames New commenter

    Poppygem you can get tax credits whilst on mat leave, you will actually get more as your income is less. Just send off for a form on the direct gov site. It's simple to fill in and well worth it, my husband was a mature student until recently and it really helped us. You might get back payments too if you apply now. Not many people know this but my hv told me about gov scheme where you can get vouchers for formula, fruit, veg and vitamins. I think your total income has to be less than 16k, which might apply to some people on mat leave. Also single mums, hats off to you. My husband is away for 10 days and it's so bl00dy hard! I have an easy baby too and yet I'm struggling to cope without OH. Kj and LO 5 months.
  13. Ah right - I'll have a looksee, thank you. I'm hoping to atleast get some help with childcare once I go back but with all the changes and cuts going on Im not too hopeful!
  14. Baby Midgie is 9 months old and I've been on my own since the start. My ex has so far chosen not to be involved in Baby Midgie's life.
    As people have said there are good and bad bits about it but it gets easier with practice.
    Baby Midgie is in nursery and I don't get any additional help - I get Child Benefit and the minimum help with childcare and thats about it.
  15. Is the minimal help with child care just getting the tax free childcare vouchers through work?
  16. I get the basic baby rate of Child Tax Credits which works out at approx &pound;40 per month. It doesn't go far when you compare it to my childcare costs.
  17. No, I can imagine it wouldnt. Must get mine sorted - my job for the week methinks!
  18. I'm a single mum by choice of an adopted daughter
    Get blogging! You find out loads and it's a great support system
  19. How long did the adoption process take, How we laughed? I looked into it last year but they werent very positive about me being on my own and said it would take years.
  20. Hi Ladies, Ive been off line for a week or so Grrrrrrr dam laptop!!
    nice to know im not on my own on here. sometimes i feel like im fine and that i just get on with it... some people have said 'how do you cope' and my reply is always 'im a mum, and i just do!'
    I do have to take a deep breath sometime and tell myself everything will work out some way or another in the end. My LO is still not sleeping through, never has so i guess im used to that aswell!
    Im happy now that im back at work and cant start building up some self belief and confidence etc!

    hope your all well

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