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Since bowdlerisation seems to be the moderators' preferred stance.......

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Sid_Pubes, Dec 15, 2015.

  1. Sid_Pubes

    Sid_Pubes Senior commenter

    .......I offer the following wholesome version of the demotic parody of the Victorian tear-jerker "It was Christmas day in the workhouse".

    I am indebted to the redoubtable LilyoftheField who first posted it last Christmas. It made me weep with laughter then and it still does. If the moderators see anything vulgar in this then they should be ashamed of themselves for they must have incredibly dirty minds.

    It was Christmas Day in the workhouse, the merriest day of the year,
    The paupers and the prisoners were all assembled there;
    In came the Christmas pudding, when a voice that shattered glass
    Said, "We don't want your Christmas pudding, so stick it there with the rest of the unwanted presents"

    The workhouse master then arose and prepared to carve the duck
    He said "Who wants the parson's nose, and the prisoners shouted "you have it yourself sir"
    The vicar brought his bible, and read out little bits;
    Said one old crone at the back of the hall "This man gets on very well with everybody".

    The workhouse mistress then began to hand out Christmas parcels
    The paupers tore the wrappers off and began to wipe their eyes, which were full of tears.
    The master rose to make a speech but, just before he started,
    The mistress, who was fifteen stone, gave three loud cheers and nearly choked herself

    And all the paupers then began to pull their Christmas crackers
    One pauper held his too low down and blew off both his paper hat and the man's next to him
    A steaming bowl of white bread sauce was handed round to some;
    An aged gourmet called aloud "This bread sauce tastes like it was made by a continental chef"

    Mince pie with custard sauce was next and each received a bit;
    One pauper said "The mince pie's nice but the custard tastes like the bread sauce we had earlier".
    The mistress dishing out the food dropped custard down her front
    She cried "Aren't I a silly girl?” and they answered "You're a perfect picture as always ma'am!"

    "This pudding ", said the master, "it's solid, hard and thick:
    How am I going to cut it ?" and a man cried "Use your penknife sir, the one with the pearl handle"
    The mistress asked the vicar to entertain his flock. He said "What would you like to see ?"
    and they cried "Let's see your conjuring tricks, they're always worth watching"

    "Your reverence may I be excused ?" said one benign old chap
    "I don't like conjuring tricks, I'd sooner have a carol or two around the fire"
    So then they all began to sing which shook the workhouse walls
    "Merry Christmas!" cried the master, and the inmates shouted "Best of luck to you as well sir!"
  2. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    Apparently it was the OP in the locked thread that was deemed particularly inappropriate and for which I am currently under threat of being banned. So, if I am taken out for posting here, then you will know what my egregious infringement was.:eek::rolleyes:o_O:oops::confused:
  3. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I hope that common sense prevails rather than an OTT knee-jerk reaction tantamount to making an example (out of you)
  4. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

    Apparently the sword of Damocles dangles for me too ...
  5. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    You must be sure to keep it tightly in check.
  6. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    For why?
  7. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    How does one know if one faces the chop?
  8. By_the_Shiny_Brook

    By_the_Shiny_Brook Established commenter

    Blue light flashing outside your house I believe.
  9. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    One is notified by 'conversation'.
  10. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter


    Any e-mail message from TES Global, including any attachments transmitted with it, may contain legally privileged or private information. such messages are intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. ... You should not copy, store or use such an email or any attachment(s) for any purpose, nor disclose their contents to any other person.

    Users should refrain from making the contents of a PM public in any way.

    Just in case you hadn't noticed this in the small print . . .

    Best wishes

  11. Motherofchikkins

    Motherofchikkins Star commenter

  12. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Let's hope Lascarina and harsh don't end up as dead parrots!
    Motherofchikkins likes this.
  13. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    So sweet of you to draw this to my attention! Perhaps, while you are pointing bits of small print out, you could bring the following post from the Welcome forum to the attention of the mod team:'Hi @Lascarina

    You are correct about this point.

    Users found to have more than one username will face sanctions or even have their posting privileges reviewed.

    If you believe that another forum member has more than one account please can you let the Moderation Team know by sending an email to TES.Community@tesglobal.com or report the user's posts where relevant.

    Thank you.'
    The reason I ask is that these users with multiple names seem to face no sanctions at all and appear to have carte blanche to do what they like.
    foxtail3 and harsh-but-fair like this.
  14. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    Clearly I was good boy as I have not had a conversation
    Nor an e-mail
    Not, of course, that I would divulge the contents of either if I had
    I'm a good boy I am ;)
  15. xena-warrior

    xena-warrior Star commenter

    Furthermore, Lascarina, when I gave the mods a helpful list of one particular poster's many previous usernames, most of which she was banned under, I was told I was breaking the t&c by being howwid to another poster.
  16. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    You norty person! I am appalled.You must never be howwid or talk about cats.;)
  17. Burndenpark

    Burndenpark Star commenter

    Why, when I read Theo's posts do I think this?
  18. RedQuilt

    RedQuilt Star commenter

    I thought we'd been told that the best way to deal with trolls and PBPs was to not engage on the forums and to report. I'm obviously not questioning the moderation policy or anything like that *sigh* but I am genuinely confused about what seem to be some mixed messages. I could have misunderstood I suppose.
    harsh-but-fair likes this.
  19. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    What does PBP stand for?
  20. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    Previously banned posters.

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