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Should I tell the Police?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Fierygirl, Mar 26, 2011.

  1. Fierygirl

    Fierygirl New commenter

    Hi Everyone,
    I dumped my ex-boyfriend just before Christmas after he disappeared for a couple of days when he was supposed to be staying with me - quite a long story! People on here were great so I hope you don't mind my asking for your advice once again.
    Anyway, I've only seen him once since then when he came to pick up some belongings that he had left in my flat. It was quite friendly and we had a chat, during which he talked about time in prison. Apparently he had been 'falsely' accused of hitting an ex. He does have quite an explosive temper and argues with everbody - bosses, friends, and me when we were still together. Anyway, I didn't express any disbelief, merely expressed sympathy.
    I didn't hear from him again but last night at 11pm when I was in bed the buzzer of my flat went. I looked on the security screen and it was him so I ignored it and switched the buzzer off. It looked like he had turned away but a few minutes later there was a knocking the front door of my flat. He must have rung a neighbour's buzzer to gain access to the block. Fortunately, I'd switched the lights off so I just kept quiet. I heard the letter box open but then he went away.
    When I went out to my car this morning I found that the driver's door and the rear passenger door have both got huge dents in them with footprints in the middle. I think he must have gone and given my car a good kicking because I wouldn't let him in.
    I'm in the middle of reporting this to the police online but have stopped as I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. Although I strongly suspect it was him, my car has been damaged in the car park before and I obviously have no proof that it was him. Also, I'm probably being a terrible wimp but I live alone and don't particularly want to be worried about him coming back to complain about me giving his name to the police. I'm already sitting here with phone within reach, all the curtains closed and the door bolted with the chain on.
    Any advice will be gratefully received...so sorry for long post.
     
  2. Fierygirl

    Fierygirl New commenter

    Hi Everyone,
    I dumped my ex-boyfriend just before Christmas after he disappeared for a couple of days when he was supposed to be staying with me - quite a long story! People on here were great so I hope you don't mind my asking for your advice once again.
    Anyway, I've only seen him once since then when he came to pick up some belongings that he had left in my flat. It was quite friendly and we had a chat, during which he talked about time in prison. Apparently he had been 'falsely' accused of hitting an ex. He does have quite an explosive temper and argues with everbody - bosses, friends, and me when we were still together. Anyway, I didn't express any disbelief, merely expressed sympathy.
    I didn't hear from him again but last night at 11pm when I was in bed the buzzer of my flat went. I looked on the security screen and it was him so I ignored it and switched the buzzer off. It looked like he had turned away but a few minutes later there was a knocking the front door of my flat. He must have rung a neighbour's buzzer to gain access to the block. Fortunately, I'd switched the lights off so I just kept quiet. I heard the letter box open but then he went away.
    When I went out to my car this morning I found that the driver's door and the rear passenger door have both got huge dents in them with footprints in the middle. I think he must have gone and given my car a good kicking because I wouldn't let him in.
    I'm in the middle of reporting this to the police online but have stopped as I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. Although I strongly suspect it was him, my car has been damaged in the car park before and I obviously have no proof that it was him. Also, I'm probably being a terrible wimp but I live alone and don't particularly want to be worried about him coming back to complain about me giving his name to the police. I'm already sitting here with phone within reach, all the curtains closed and the door bolted with the chain on.
    Any advice will be gratefully received...so sorry for long post.
     
  3. emilystrange

    emilystrange Star commenter

    DO it. if nothing else, you'll need a police case number for the insurance. tell them everything.
     
  4. Fierygirl

    Fierygirl New commenter

    Thanks, I guess I'm just having a bit of a wimp attack.
     
  5. Lalad

    Lalad Senior commenter

    Report it.
    If you do nothing, he will think he can get away with it, and next time it might not be your car.
    You were right not to let him in. When my ex turned up in the middle of the night, I stupidly let him in to phone for a taxi but had to call the police when he became abusive. Later, after he was sectioned, he turned violent.
    You have a right to feel safe in your own home.
    Lalad
     
  6. Yes .report this to the police but not online.
    Ring and speak to a real person, ask to be referred to domestic violence unit. They will no more be able to prove that he damaged your car than you can. But they can have a chat with him, make him aware that he's on thier radar then if he does come back you have a record.
    You're obviously scared or you wouldn't be hiding behind closed curtains.
    That's no way to live and he has no right to put you in that position.
     
  7. I second all of the above advice. And commend you for not letting him in.
     
  8. you must report it. If I were you I'd be asking the neighbours not to buzz him in either, if he sould try again
     
  9. Fierygirl

    Fierygirl New commenter

    Thanks all of you. Yes, I suppose it has shaken me up a bit, am jumping everytime I hear someone bang the door in the lobby outside. I've not reported it online but will go along to the local police station tomorrow. Good idea about the neighbours too - our security door isn't very secure!
     
  10. I was just hearing about stalking on the radio this week or last. You should report it in case the incidents start to repeat themselves.
     
  11. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    And just on the off-chance that your resolve may be flagging by the morning, the cold light of day etc etc., you MUST report this, not because you want him to be in trouble, for what might turn out to be a one off incident, but because you DONT want this to keep on happening, night after night, because he feels it's okay to noise you up in this way.
    Nip it in the bud. Basic classroom management. Very hard to apply to our personal lives with adults.
     
  12. I agree with all the excellent advice given above.
    You really need to report it to the police, don't let him think he has got away with it - even if you think it will be a "one-off".
     
  13. Fierygirl

    Fierygirl New commenter

    I know, I suppose I just got to thinking about possible repercussions. You wouldn't believe that in my work I'm actually quite a stong person. It's really spot on that it's not so easy in your personal life.
    I will go to the police tomorrow though - once I've made up my mind I do usually act upon it. Thank you all for taking the time to respond.
     
  14. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    No, I do believe it.
    No.
    You must. Just do it. [​IMG] The eventual outcome is not for you to worry about, it's for him to reconsider his actions.

     
  15. Some are, - the very small ones often are. I live in a very small market town and ours is open very stupid hours.
     
  16. the OP posted that comment Saturday night
     
  17. aha! I hadn't noticed the date.
     
  18. Agree with other posters that you must inform the police. Also, is there any way of reminding your neighbours about not allowing people into the block that they don't personally know? Do you have a landlord you could inform?
     
  19. How did you get on at the cop shop?
     
  20. Absolutely and for all the reasons given by everyone above - for your sake and for the sake of all the potential victims in his future.

     

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