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Should I mention this or just leave it?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by tartetatin, Jul 19, 2011.

  1. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Hi!
    My eldest daughter's friend (age nearly 10) had a sleepover here last night. I've just gone in to strip the (new!) sofa bed, where the girl was sleeping, and the mattress is soaked through with urine.
    I have two wee dilemmas:
    - how do I clean the mattress? As it's a sofa bed, the mattress is much thinner than a normal one so it will have soaked right through. I've just phoned the manufacturer and the mattress unfortunately isn't available to buy as a spare part.
    - do I tell the friend's mum, a very good friend of mine? The wetting the bed isn't a one-off, as up until the last sleepover I think it was, she was providing a night time nappy thingy. I would just worry that next time L is sleeping round someone's, she may pee in the same bed as her host! L didn't mention it to me, so I obviously haven't brought it up. I kind of wish I'd known though, as at least then it wouldn't have been sitting like that all day [​IMG]
    We've known L pretty much all her life, so she wouldn't have been remotely uncomfortable or anxious here. She has a happy home life too.
    I think if she were mine though, I'd be taking her to the doc's. My friend, her mum, is the loveliest person you could meet but tends to bury her head in the sand a bit.
    Should I mention it or hold my wheesht? Would hate to upset anyone ...
    Thanks, lovely lot [​IMG]
     
  2. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Hi!
    My eldest daughter's friend (age nearly 10) had a sleepover here last night. I've just gone in to strip the (new!) sofa bed, where the girl was sleeping, and the mattress is soaked through with urine.
    I have two wee dilemmas:
    - how do I clean the mattress? As it's a sofa bed, the mattress is much thinner than a normal one so it will have soaked right through. I've just phoned the manufacturer and the mattress unfortunately isn't available to buy as a spare part.
    - do I tell the friend's mum, a very good friend of mine? The wetting the bed isn't a one-off, as up until the last sleepover I think it was, she was providing a night time nappy thingy. I would just worry that next time L is sleeping round someone's, she may pee in the same bed as her host! L didn't mention it to me, so I obviously haven't brought it up. I kind of wish I'd known though, as at least then it wouldn't have been sitting like that all day [​IMG]
    We've known L pretty much all her life, so she wouldn't have been remotely uncomfortable or anxious here. She has a happy home life too.
    I think if she were mine though, I'd be taking her to the doc's. My friend, her mum, is the loveliest person you could meet but tends to bury her head in the sand a bit.
    Should I mention it or hold my wheesht? Would hate to upset anyone ...
    Thanks, lovely lot [​IMG]
     
  3. stopwatch

    stopwatch Occasional commenter

    Tell the parents. They need to know so they can deal with it.
    If they are good friends they should be OK with you telling them.
     
  4. TidgyPudding

    TidgyPudding New commenter


    <font size="2">Speak to the mum but im pretty sure she will already know. It&rsquo;s a very common problem for children at that age to still wet the bed and it isn&rsquo;t a reflection on home life/stress or anything like that.</font><font size="2">It probably hasn&rsquo;t been spoken about because the child WILL be very conscious and embarrassed by it. I&rsquo;m sure you won&rsquo;t make an issue out of it regarding your sofa bed but remember the mother will have lots of stress, worry and washing because of it. </font><font size="2"> For future sleepovers I suggest you use bed mats that lay under the bed sheets (can be bought in any supermarket in the nappy area). If she has an accident again then it&rsquo;s only a case of putting the mat in the bin and washing the sheet. </font><font size="2"> You are also right in saying that she must go to a doctor or enuresis clinic to get it checks for underlying problems. This is definitely something the mum should not ignore.</font>
     
  5. If she's a very good friend then I think you should tell her, but make it clear you're not upset about the fact she messed up your mattress, just showing friendly concern.

    I stopped wetting the bed at about 12; I don't know why, I had a very stable and happy upbringing. Yes it was embarrassing but there were medicines and techniques that helped. I don't think it's a problem, some stop later than others but it's worth suggesting she might go and speak to the doctor.

    I am a Scout Leader and it's not uncommon to have a couple of kids wet the bed (sleeping bag) whilst away on camps (I normally discretely take it to a local launderette whilst letting them have a spare for the next night - the other kids needn't know). The key is discretion to prevent further embarrassment for the child and not making a big deal out of it

    You can get some very good waterproof mattress toppers that have a fabric top that aren't like the rubber sheets of old (the type I was subjected to!!)

    Hope that helps
     
  6. Would the damage to your sofa be covered by your insurance?
     
  7. I agree that you should let her parents know.
    I don't know what form your sofabed takes, but if the mattress has totally had it, you can have a piece of foam cut to the right size and use that, although it would have to be stored separately as folding it will put a permanent ridge in it.
    If the mattress is quite thin anyway, perhaps a dry-cleaner or commercial laundry could clean it. Personally I'd take it into the garden, support it between chairs, pour hot soapy water through the damp patch and finish off with a rinse of a washing-up bowl of water with half a carton of bicarb in it to get rid of the smell. You would need a couple of really nice days to get it dry though.
     
  8. If this is a regular occurence and if the mother knows, surely she should/would have told you?

     
  9. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    The problem isn't really that she wet the bed, it's that she didn't know she needed to tell you so you could deal with it...
     
  10. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Thanks everyone for your understanding and helpful replies. Och, you're a lovely lot really. I feel quite ashamed at my (inner) annoyance earlier, on discovering the bed. I'm such an old bag at times.
    I will do all the things you suggested re the cleaning of the mattress, Lily. Prior to reading your reply, I had scrubbed it down with hot water and bio detergent. This worked when my 4 year old recently wet her bed (ahh, the joys!) but I can't shift the smell this time. Fingers crossed for a sunny today tomorrow, so I can air it out a bit.
    Not sure about the insurance, but will check that out out. Good idea!
     
  11. To be fair, she was probably too embarrassed.
     
  12. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Then she needs to find a way around it - tell mum who passes a message on?
     
  13. I think even having to tell mum could be embarrassing for the child. The pads that you put under the sheet are really good and I would use one next time she sleeps over whether you think she might need one or not. Then just check the bed the next morning under the guise of tidying up. Not worth mentioning to the child at all as she's probably quite stressed over it anyway but I agree with others about letting mum know.
     
  14. if it was a one-off, perhaps because she drank much later than she is used to I can quite understand the kid being embarrassed to say. If it is not a one-off I think the Mother is very wrong not to have mentioned it. I would say something to the Mum and see if she knew about it, if it is an on-going problem. if so I would be really annoyed.
     
  15. it seems odd that her mum didn't provide the night pants she has previously worn so it might be that the issue was thought to be resolved.
    Bed wetting is never to do with drinking too much but can be psychological or medical or a bit of both. To the brave soul who mentioned that they also had issue - me too. Until I was 11. No problems until I started primary then every night until the day I left. No issues at home at all but it doesn't take a psychologist to work out that I had issues with school.
    Once it has gone on as long at 10 or 12 it is an issue of retraining - a moisture senstive alarm placed in a sanitary towel type thing which beeps once damp. A change in habit or routine could unsettle this if it is still in the early stages.
    A wee girl of ten, no matter if she has done this as long as she can remember or has known you all her life is HIGHLY unlikely to appraoch you about it. Especially if she believed the issue to be resolved. Imagine how worried or anxious she is . . .
    Anyone would be a bit peeved about their sofa so nothing to feel guilty about. I would appraoch it gently with the girl's mum but stress that this is unlikely to go away on its own and will need medical (or more medical) intervention.
    She is a lucky wee girl that it happened in such a sensitive person's home.
     
  16. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    Hello again,
    it has been an ongoing problem, gorgy. As I mentioned, mum had always provided pull up pants before. When I mentioned last night's wee (no pun!) accident to her though, she said that this is the first time it's happened in months.
    Lila, I'm not surprised that L didn't mention it to me. I'm very fond of her, given that she's one of my daughter's oldest and most loyal friends, but her social skills aren't great. I was a very shy kid, but this is something different. She is bright but as much as I try, difficult to have a conversation with. You'd never know that I've known her for as long as I have!
    She was here til about 4.30 this afternoon, but showed no signs of being stressed or embarrassed by the situation. Does it sound horribly unsympathetic to suggest that she's perhaps become a little lazy and indifferent about the whole thing? Sorry if that sounds too harsh.
     
  17. I would tell mum discretely and advise a trip to the doctors.
    I left my son till he was thirteen. he was given a nose spray which sorted things really quickly.
    However, at seventeen he applied to join the army and was rejected as his medical records showed he was still bed wetting at thirteen.
    I wish I'd taken him to docs much sooner, he was devastated.
     
  18. I suppose that would depend very much on her parents and how they have chosen to approach it. I once knew of a boy whose parents decided to shock him into a solution (believing that he was simply too lazy to get up) and told him that if it didn't go away by the time he was 12 he would never be cured. It was a terrible thing to do and resulted in him hiding sheets and pretending nothing had happened.
    Alternatively, she *might* not see that there is an issue if her parents have never openly shown concern about it.
     
  19. Two things . . .
    a nose spray? How did that work? Sounds interesting.
    Also, how heartbreaking for your son and what a ridiculous reason to turn someone away. My parents also went through regret that they waited 7 years to seek medical attention for something which was resolved in three night . . .hindsight is a wonderful thing
     
  20. katycustard

    katycustard Occasional commenter

    Children of any age, don't wet the bed because they are lazy or indifferent. Nasal sprays work by closing down the kidneys so no urine is produced. While this works, there can be nasty side effects and they are very strong drugs. Some consultants will prescribe this drug, others won't but might prescribe it for a short duration such as a holiday or even an overnight flight.
    Triggers such as alarms etc. work for some children but not others and no-one is sure why.
    Many children wet the bed until their teens and then stop with no medical intervention whatsoever.
    It's to the girl's parents credit that she has no shame or embarrassment about it. That is the right way to deal with it. If she hasn't wet at night for a while it was probably the change of routine that triggered it at your house.

     

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