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Should I just resign?

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by jjcool, Jul 4, 2011.

  1. Don't do anything towards resigning until you have seen someone from your union-and I mean regional union office, not school union rep. (If you should in the end feel that you want to resign, then you need a good reference to get another job, so even if you don't stay, you need the union to get you through the exit stage and they can advise you far better than I can in all matters; all I can do is offer support. And listen to my sense of justice which says that you should never let the bullies win!
    This is the time to try and think more rationally if you can manage it. You need to start feeling that some people are on your side-you said you had previous breakdowns-who supported you in the past?-can you go back to them for help ? Did you see Occ Health? were they helpful ?
    I'm sorry I can't help any more at this stage-I'm sure there will be others logging on later who will have more concrete advice-but as I said you start by contacting regional union office asap.
    Take care
    JJ



     
  2. My heart goes out to you, my dear. Go on sick leave and get out of there. Your health and happiness are paramount.
     
  3. ROSIEGIRL

    ROSIEGIRL Established commenter

    Union, union, union and a big hug.
     
  4. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    They sound like petty-minded, nasty children. It's astonishing the amount of adults who are like this. The clique mentality. So unprofessional. Do what you need to do to look after yourself and see your union. No job (infact nothing) is worth that level of unhappiness. Life is too funking short.
     
  5. Resign - go sick and look elsewhere. Your child needs you and, as said above, life is too short. I'd rather live in a tent spending time with my faimily than continue pandering to the misinformed opinions of life's losers. (hug)
     
  6. Get yourself to the Dr and to the union (regional). You do not deserve to be treated in this way, and you have done nothing to deserve having to leave your job until you have another one to go to.
    Taking on bullies is never easy, especially when they are in management positions. They can be beaten, but it is a long, hard and very stressful journey. With a supportive union rep it can be done, however, so speak to your Regional Officer and take his/her advice on the strength of your case.
    If your Dr decides to sign you off, take the time you need to recover fully - and if that means staying off until you have found another job in a school run by professionals, so be it. As another poster has said, the important people here and you and your child - not the immature bullies in your school.
     
  7. groovy15

    groovy15 New commenter

    Thank you so much fort the advice. I got observed by one of them today and I know I have failed it because I was told the lesson was not good enough. I have lost all my confidence in the job. I am scared that if I find another job I will get a bad reference. I wish I had never gone back there after maternity leave.

     
  8. polly.glot

    polly.glot New commenter

    I blinked twice when I read your post, as it sounded just like the school I used to work in, and where I also had a breakdown as a result of bullying. Petty, childish and very dangerous behaviour, motivated by who knows what - though I assume that she felt threatened by me.
    I left, found another job which gave me back my confidence, and never looked back, except to spit, metaphically, on such puerile and sad people.
    I have since moved again, to a job where the HT could not be more lovely or supportive. There IS life after such a bad experience, my dear - please do not despair, and do not lose confidence in yourself as a person and a teacher. Please PM me if you need any more support - I'm really happy to be a listening and sympathetic ear.
     
  9. polly.glot

    polly.glot New commenter

    or even "metaphorically"
     
  10. There's just so much of this behaviour in teaching, isn't it awful? I know that it doesn't help much, but your experience is so common...
    Work doesn't have to be like that at all, there are tons of ways to earn money where you don't have to put up with that sort of behaviour. Don't let fear of what might happen in the future stop you from fighting it, because that's one way in which you are letting them win.
    The union rep will probably give you a choice, and that will be to accept whatever kind of settlement and compromise agreement that the school offer, or to refuse it and take them to court, and it will be up to you which one you do.
    Write everything down, and union yourself up.
     
  11. markuss

    markuss Occasional commenter

    You do not resign. When you're so unwell as this situation/these people have made you, it's no time to make decisions like that.
    You talk to GP. You get medical assistance. You get time out and space.
    You talk to professional Union when you feel up to it.
    In the end, you get your life back.
     
  12. Don't resign. Go on the sick (WRS rather than depression) and look elsewhere. Wait until you find another job and in the meantime stay at home, enjoy your children, have a lot of fun and let this **** school keep paying you.
     
  13. I only partly agree with those who have told you not to resign. I agree that it would make sense for you to do so because it sounds like these people won't change and in the future, you will keep breaking down because of it BUT I think that 'turning the tables' would be far more useful to you. By that, I mean that you should know think of YOURSELF and your family and what YOU want, so my advice is as follows:
    1. Go back to GP and explain exactly how you feel and what is triggering it (when I felt low, I couldn't talk without crying so typed everything out and took the print out to the GP).
    2. Follow all advice given to your GP about improving your health.
    3. When you feel able to (and not before), sit down and work out which month would be best for you to resign in. E.g. in my case, I worked out that because I got signed off sick in Feb and had a 6 week phased return and lots of holiday where I'd been signed off(I only needed to work my usual hours for 2 weeks-knowing that I didn't have to be in the horrible environment all the time really helped), so I handed in my notice at the end of May (2 weeks when back on phased return as things had not improved) and because of the holiday left to me was able to leave in July and will still get paid until August which has given me time to save enough money to live on until I can find another job.
    4. Get advice from your union or ACAS or another body familiar with employment law about references, further action to take etc. You may decide like I did that you just want out of the school and to move on, that's ok! you may want to complain higher up about the behaviour you have experienced, that's ok too.
    5. When you have put your plan into action, STICK TO IT! E.g. when signed off, I was so upset that I wanted to be left alone, so when I phoned work to report my absence, I clearly stated the seriousness of my condition and the fact that I wanted it to be kept confidential and I did not want to be contacted by anyone. I also refused to entertain the idea of meeting up with my line managers when I was off sick as I didn't feel ready for it.
    6. Live your own life away from these awful people (which is the kindest and most polite description that I can give them) and see any time off as compensation for the way they've treated you! As others have said on here, enjoy your life and your children and leave the bigger decisions for when you feel ready to make them once you have sorted out points 1 and 5.
    I really hope that things get better for you soon and that any of what I've written has helped!
    Oh, one other thing that gives me strength on a bad day is to remember the saying 'what goes around, comes around'. One day, these bullies will regret the day they decided to behave to you so appallingly! Similarly, things will get better and you and your family will regain the happiness you deserve (I've certainly found this to be the case)!

    Take care! I'm thinking of you!



     
  14. groovy15,
    I have come across your post as I too am in a similar situation. I have spoken to my union rep this afternoon, who has talked me through my options.
    Im completely intimidated by my head and dont feel able to talk to him about my desire to leave as he is part of the problem!
    The union said they would contact him for me, but not sure I want to go down that road yet.
    Im completely emotional and cant stop crying either. Im being observed tomorrow and know already that I will not be judged fairly.
    I want to go off sick and the rep said I am obvioulsy suffering work related stress, but cant see how this will help my case.
    I really feel for you, as I know how hard it is too make such important decisions, especially when you are feeling so emotional.
    The only advice I can offer is that you should speak to you rep. They cant wave a magic wand and make it all disappear, but they can show you your options and I feel a little bit better knowing what my next step is going to be.
    Keep us informed, on how you get on.



     

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