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sexual misconduct

Discussion in 'Behaviour' started by RaymondSoltysek, Oct 13, 2011.

  1. RaymondSoltysek

    RaymondSoltysek New commenter

    You are absolutely right that if you want the chance to discuss
    this with him, you must be allowed that. Resolution
    conflict has to involve all parties, especially the "victim"
    - although I hate that word. If your school has restorative
    practices, you must be involved; how can anything be "restored"
    or "resolved" with you out of the room?

    Excluding you from the process merely reinforces your position as
    a passive “victim”, unable to take control of the situation.
    That can only be a negative perception for your future dealings with
    the boy, who will continue to see you as an object.

    Approach your SLT once more. Say that you do not feel that
    any resolution has taken place because you have not been included.
    Request in the most assertive terms possible that a conflict
    resolution meeting be set up between you and the boy, chaired by a
    highly qualified resolution conflict manager who will discuss the
    issues with you beforehand and help you through the process.

    There may be reasons why they have not done so: one that springs
    to mind is that this behaviour is so marked that it may be the
    symptom of some serious underlying abuse or trauma, and such a
    meeting may ultimately be damaging to the child. But that is
    speculation. You have a right to know why you are not involved
    in any resolution management process - if there are such underlying
    reasons, then you also have a right to know what support is going to
    be put in place for you in place of that resolution management, such as exclusion.

  2. Personally, if there were witnesses to this (i'm assuming there were other students in the room) and it had happened to a member of my staff I would have him suspended, the incident fully investigated and disciplinary action issued. This is not the type of thing you dither about with and i'm surprised that your school can't demonstrate a 'zero tolerance' on such issues to make their staff feel safe. Having him 'spoken to' is not reprimanding him and doesn't drive home a clear message about quite how unacceptable this is.
    Maybe the reason he continues to behave in this way is because he is continually getting away with it!
  3. jmntsp

    jmntsp New commenter

    I think this is appalling! I would personally speak to SMT and state bluntly that I was not prepared to have this boy in my class again as I felt my personal safety was threatened by his presence. Completely agree with Jenny's summing up of the situation and what SHOULD have been done. Tell them you are considering seeking legal advice - and point out to them the consequences if he goes on to molest you - you will be suing the school (and possibly them personally) for failing in their duty of care to you.
  4. I think this calls for a full community Restorative Conference. Try and find out whether anyone at your or a neighbouring school is RJ trained, or whether a local YOS member of staff might be prepared to set it up. Some LAs now have RJ coordinators who might help.
    I have had briliant results with issues such as theft from staff, sexual graffiti, ASB etc. using RJ conferences.
    The school may feel it is too expensive ( I charge £360 for a full conference, and that is probably on the cheaper side) but quite frankly it will be cheaper for them sorting the issue once and for all than paying for a supply teacher once you are on stress leave...
    If you are vaguely intrigued and want to know more about how a Restorative Conference works before speaking to your SLT, let me know and I'll run you through it. I'll check the forum back tomorrow.
  5. Thank you everyone for your help on this so far -

    It is nice for people to clarify that I am not being petty, sounds silly but sometimes in a secondary school you loose sight of what is unacceptable as so many unacceptable things happen!
    I work closely with behaviour and have access to information regarding ongoing issues, I know this boy well and know that there are no underlying demons abrewing that would prevent a Restorative Conference taking place. He is simply attention seeking and crude when it comes to this behaviour.
    As a member of staff, I feel let down and as a young woman I feel uncomfortable. I have put in writing that I wish this to be addressed appropriately and are more than willing to put in the time so that we can move on and focus on learning. I hope something is done soon.

  6. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    Yes the insidious manipulation of language to distort the truth never ends.
    You may wish to go to the police. Have you considered that the year 11 student may already be a sex offender and that his previous targets may not have your maturity.

  7. RaymondSoltysek

    RaymondSoltysek New commenter

    I think there's a big danger in all this "get him suspended, go to the police, lock him up" in losing sight of what the OP wanted in the first place. She wanted a restorative meeting to discuss with the boy the implications and effect of his behaviour. We are therefore no better than the SMT if we ignore the very sensible means by which she wants to resolve this conflict. She knows what is needed to re-assert herself: it's how best to deliver that.I've never been one for insisting SMTs be at the teachers' beck and call in discipline issues - sometimes what they want is destructive or unjustified - but in this case, the OP has requested a sensible strategy that she feels will give her power back; it's not up to any of us to barge over her just as it's not up to SMT to sweep her under the carpet.
  8. RaymondSoltysek

    RaymondSoltysek New commenter

    The OP has inded considered this.Perhaps you missed it when she said "I work closely with behaviour and have access to information regarding ongoing issues, I know this boy well and know that there are no underlying demons abrewing that would prevent a Restorative Conference taking place. "
  9. Jonntyboy

    Jonntyboy Occasional commenter

    It's my first visit to this part of the forum. With situations like this, no wonder some (who don't understand the whole picture) in the media and some politicians see some schools/teachers as basket cases. Absolutely unacceptable situation: wouldn't be tolerated at my school that's for sure. Good luck to the OP.
  10. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    Perhaps you, Ray, misunderstand my point. He may already be on the sex offenders register. And whilst she may need to know this. It may not be on his file.
    Tsk Tsk Ray, you really should try working in school, where the SMT 'forget' to mention things, like tourettes syndrome ....
    I could go but then you never seem to able to respond to a salient point.
    Your statement that you "do not like the word victim" is clear evidence that try to control by manipulation language.
    But then again Ray, you don't work in a secondary school, do you?
  11. RaymondSoltysek

    RaymondSoltysek New commenter

    I apologise - I didn’t know you knew the OP's situation better
    than she does. I stand corrected.

  12. YesMrBronson

    YesMrBronson New commenter

    She said "may".

  13. Zadok1

    Zadok1 New commenter

    I note that you said you are aware of the general behaviour and pastoral aspects of the young boy you are speaking about but overt sexualisation in a child of 11 is a very clear indicator of some sort of abuse, and just because that has not been recorded previously doesn't mean it hasn't taken place. I would strongly recommend that you write a report of the incident and pass it on to the school's child protection officer.
    It may not be that the child has been physically assaulted but in order for the average 11 year old to use crude and overtly sexualised language as a 'weapon' it does indicate he has been inappropriately exposed to an environment or a situation were he has learned to act in that way and that alone should be flagged up.
    In terms of resolution you are quite right that you should be involved and I agree with most of what both Ray and the RJ specialist said.
    Restorative Justice or resolution doesn't work unless all parties are involved and while I might believe quite strongly in RJ I don't think a full conference would be appropriate in a situation of this nature where the outcome might require some extremely sensitive topics to be raised, and I'm slightly suspicious of someone who would promote such an idea with costs included! I would insist that you meet with the young boy, with a second member of staff present, perhaps his form tutor or a member of staff he trusts, and speak to him about how he made you feel, and the effect it has on how others feel about him in return. the thing to bear in mind is that when a child seeks attention in this way they are often really in need of attention, so although we need to teach them not to behave in certain ways to gain attention, we need to provide them with a lot of support and time to listen and make a positive connection with them. I might sound over dramatic but I think that this kind of situation is the turning point for a child like this, ignore and you might helping to create the next wife beater or rapist, deal with it appropriately and you may be able to straighten out a very troubled individual... he's clearly confused and trying to make someone aware of it... listen and help as much as you can. keep pushing for the resolution meeting until it happens
  14. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    The original poster put year 11 that is 15/16 years old generally speaking.
    A child of 11 is in year 6 or 7.
  15. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    Churlish Ray, Churlish.
    From someone who puts
    it is a little hypocritical.
    It also shows that you didn't really read my post.
  16. Zadok1

    Zadok1 New commenter

    Sorry, I miss read the original post, I thought it was 11 years old, my mistake. Although I'm fascinated as to why you feel the need to 'police' the posts.... maybe we should try some RJ with you.. I'm sure Ray would be up for it too.

    Although I'd still question why any child uses sexualised language and behaviour as a 'weapon', not a healthy thing to do whatever the age. Even the most disruptive students don't do that in general... in fact the only time I have experienced it was with older kids... kids who had been abused in some way... so my point is still pretty valid, but thank you for correcting me.
  17. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    I don't and that is your second mistake.
    That is part of the problem isn't it? The use of the word 'child' when talking about 16 year olds. An emotive word. I don't question the use of sexualised language in 16 year old students in year 11, I simply say "it isn't appropriate for school".
    Some students, by the time they reach 16, have become dangerous individuals. Using the word child for a 16 allows you to neatly forget this.
    Why would I need to take part in restorative justice? Are you saying that Ray has commited some injustice against me?
  18. RaymondSoltysek

    RaymondSoltysek New commenter

    From post 11
    Mr Pot meets Mr Kettle.
    You are absoutely right, Zadok - bickering does not belong in this thread. Unfortunately, some posters can't resist.

  19. afterdark

    afterdark Lead commenter

    The irony....

  20. RaymondSoltysek

    RaymondSoltysek New commenter

    <font size="2">I don&rsquo;t believe it's ironic at all to point out that, as Zadok notes, you come on threads to abuse while accusing others of doing the same.</font>

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