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Sexual Harassment - When is enough, enough?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by JosieWhitehead, Nov 3, 2017.

  1. JosieWhitehead

    JosieWhitehead Star commenter

    I wasn't talking about an evening out - but getting drunk and waking up in the bed of someone that you didn't know the day before. This, I feel sure, has increased more than in the days of my youth - - - but put me right if I am wrong. It didn't happen to me or lots of young women I knew, but then I probably wasn't worldly-wise.
  2. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    I am afraid I cannot answer this point effectively.
    I know, from my own experiences and the experiences of others that it was fairly common when I was between the ages of 17 and 32. (1) Then I got married and can't speak for the next decade.
    I certainly cannot talk from my own experiences in the last decade so comparison would not be accurate of fair.

    (1) Even for me in spite of my lack of looks and charm....
    It seems that many women did not overly object to my invariably clumsy but always genuine approaches (For which I am grateful if a little surprised)
  3. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    On a different note and to expand on the the perceptions of risk at night, many years ago I attended a mixed gender discussion on this and asked how best men could reduce that perception of risk when walking at night.
    The advice I got then was to either drop back when a lone woman was ahead, or to cross the road (if safe) and overtake or drop back.
    I was also advised never to approach too closely.

    I have followed that advice for the most part but wondered if those most affected on here had any other suggestions
    frangipani123, Noja, InkyP and 2 others like this.
  4. vannie

    vannie Star commenter

    This 'compliments' thing ..... it strikes me that those who do this are labouring under the misconception that it is welcomed. It isn't. Experience has taught women to nod and smile at this attention. Often this nodding and smiling is an attempt to defuse what we see as a threat. The casual attention that develops into a screaming rabid personal attack. It happens. We seem to be positively reinforcing this behaviour through fear.
    When I'm out in a pub for example with other women and we are approached and randomly complimented we might smile at the person, but inside we'll be thinking please go away.
    frangipani123, Noja, bonxie and 2 others like this.
  5. JosieWhitehead

    JosieWhitehead Star commenter

    Don't forget that my generation grew up in a world in which millions of young men had been killed or were away fighting in 2 world wars and we also grew up in a world without television or hardly any motor cars. I grew up in a village in Worcestershire - and in this environment, as children, we could play out safely all day without being with parents. I grew up as a teenager in a world where there was little sexual harassment (except working for the Police, hmmm) - and certainly the young men I met didn't do the things which some of you have told us in this discussion, so we felt quite safe walking alone, or coming home late at night on our own etc However, having said this I do well know that I was lucky and that here and in many countries of the world, it is quite a different place. So I count my blessings. The only sexual harassment (and I'm sure it was this) - was a headmaster who used to cane us on our bare bottoms for the least little thing. We certainly knew that was wrong and as soon as it happened to me I refused to go to that school again and changed to another - - - where we were just hit over the hand with a ruler for the least little thing, hmmm.
    lexus300 likes this.
  6. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    Tough isn't it.
    Welcome to a brutal reality check-you merely state the converse (pertaining to gender) of how many many women feel on a daily basis.
    And not just on pavements.
    Noja and emerald52 like this.
  7. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    No. But don't follow us to make us feel safe, because it makes us feel exactly the opposite. We don't know you're following us because you're worried, everything we're warned about suggests that you're following us for other reasons.

    That's all.

    I go out walking a lot at night. It's the only time I get to do a bit of exercise. The other night I was walking down the road and ended up joining from a side road at exactly the same time as a man who was walking down the main road. He was a couple of steps behind me, we were walking at about the same speed, and I could tell that he didn't really know what to do and from the way he was kind of hesitating and slowing down then speeding up, that he was feeling uncomfortable (whether that was because he thought it might have upset me, or just because it's weird walking practically next to a stranger on a quiet road, or even whether he was scared of me), and I wasn't entirely happy with how it felt either.
    So I crossed the road to make us both more comfortable.
    It is not rocket science, it's just basic consideration for other people.
    frangipani123, Noja, bonxie and 6 others like this.
  8. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    Which does answer in part the question I asked a few minutes ago :)
    kibosh likes this.
  9. lexus300

    lexus300 Star commenter

    Neutral stance. Take exception if you wish.
  10. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    I'd rather a man crossed the road than dropped back or tried to overtake, because I can see clearly what he's doing. If he doesn't cross the road I will.

    As I said I feel uncomfortable if I know anyone is walking closely behind me regardless of gender.
  11. lexus300

    lexus300 Star commenter

    When I speak to someone, female or male, I always make eye contact, you see a lot when you do that including (not exclusively) fear or apprehension. I take due note and react accordingly. Take another look at the other topic, you and others made Olds and I out to be the villains. I have come to the conclusion that discussing topics like this and the other one are the sole province of females or those with an axe to grind regarding men.
    Anyway, I am off to my home town where I shall be meeting up with a beautiful lady friend and I will of course buy her flowers and offer her sincere compliments and if the mood takes me???
  12. lexus300

    lexus300 Star commenter

    Sorry to hear that you feel so vulnerable.
  13. lexus300

    lexus300 Star commenter

    Read the other topic.
  14. lexus300

    lexus300 Star commenter

    Of course not.
  15. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    The inference I took was that you thought I was making points I thought were "safe" in a discussion with women about sexual harassment and wasn't challenging their perspectives and perceptions.
    1. Everything I have written on this subject is a genuinely held opinion based on the facts as I see them

    2. I have never needed to hide or reduce my opinions on the basis of it's "safe" to do so and I would certainly not do so on this matter

    3. I will not attempt to deny, correct or deflect the experiences of the women who have spoken on here on this subject because their experiences and the experiences of thousands off others expressed in other places provides a body of evidence that is incontrovertible and is matched by the experiences of friends and family members
    You are of course free think otherwise, (if my inference is correct) but I do not and have never needed your permission to take exception to such an implication
  16. lexus300

    lexus300 Star commenter

    Do you feel better now?
  17. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    Thanks Sooty
    I've just checked and I did say that the overtaking should be on the other side of the road after crossing. The concept behind that, as I understood it, was to place myself in position where the woman could observe me directly.
    If you regard that as a problem then I will take your advice
  18. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    Is that the thread where you claimed that women coming forward with allegations of sexual harassment now were 'idiots' who only spoke up for 'personal gain' or 'greasy pole' reasons. Have a read back through my post last night and tell me what financial or career gains I've made of being groped, humiliated, intimidated, frightened and assaulted.

    Maybe it's less to do with being a man, and more to do with the fact that your opinions scream victimhood at the hands of these 'outraged feminists' and their 'hysterical reactions', just because we dare speak up about the treatment we've received at the hands of some men.

    Also, wasn't it you also bemoaning how PC culture led to 'minorities' getting away with sexual crimes? Yet you are suddenly against what you (wrongly) perceive to be sweeping generalisations being made about a demographic you belong to.
    Noja, bonxie and Flere-Imsaho like this.
  19. Teacher-in-Training42

    Teacher-in-Training42 New commenter

    Any form of sexual harassment is not acceptable.
    bonxie, Norsemaid and grumpydogwoman like this.
  20. Didactylos4

    Didactylos4 Star commenter

    Not really
    I'm annoyed that I let you anger me
    It seems that you aren't worth the effort of generating the relevant chemicals

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