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Seriel cat owners....reassure me please?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Eva_Smith, Jun 12, 2011.

  1. Eva_Smith

    Eva_Smith Established commenter

    My beloved cat was killed four weeks ago tomorrow. I still miss him terribly and wish I could turn back time and let him in instead if thinking i ahould let him have a good run since he'd been in all day. He was the most loving cat you csn ever imagine, would never ever resist being picked up and would always seek me out for cuddles.

    I decided to get two new cats. Kittens, about 4 months old. It felt like the right thing to do, but now they are here I'm doubting myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm a cat lover and they are very cute. But right now all i can think is that they are not the same as my beautiful cuddle monster.

    Please reassure me that cats are the most wonderfuk animals and that I just need time to get used to new cats with different personalities. Have I done the wrong thing getting new cats so soon? It's very strange having kittens too, i adopted my other cat as a one year old and he was very chilled out. I hope it's just that they are different.

    How long did others wait to get new cats?
     
  2. Eva_Smith

    Eva_Smith Established commenter

    It DID have paragraphs!
     
  3. Hi Eva, sorry about your cat :(
    One of the things I love about cats is how different their personalities are. I have 4 cats at the moment. I am sure that you will grow more attached to the kittens in time.
     
  4. I was the same with the new dog. We'd had my beastie since I was 4 and he was 3 (a rescue) and when he died aged 19, we decided as a family to wait a bit. A year later, new dog, also a rescue, a year old. It took me AGES to bond with him but I love him to pieces now- I'm moving out in September and keep threatening to take him with me!
    You'll get there. Cats really are fantastic, all of them. But right now, you're still grieving your cuddle monster and the kittens are still developing their personalities. You'll fall for them though, if you give yourself time.
     
  5. ditwee

    ditwee New commenter

    All cats have their own personalities which you grow to love over time. Kittens are very cute, of course, but the loveable part develops later when they develop their own quirks and characteristics and their own ways of showing affection and/or mastery. I confess I have favourites. I have 5 at the moment, and I love the 2 boys best. One is 18 years old and the other is nearly 4 years old. The 18 year old is far and away the most intelligent cat I have ever met, and when he goes he will be irreplaceable in my memory, but I can always find something to love in the others.
     
  6. I think that perhaps you replaced your cat a bit too soon - you haven't given yourself enough time to grieve properly. That said however, you will very quickly be seduced by the pleasure that having kittens brings and will be completely enamoured I'm sure. They aren't like your old cat but they will develop characters of their own and give you many happy years.
     
  7. You probably also feel a little too guilty to allow yourself to love any other cat. Just remember they are all different, you will love them in time for completely different reasons, and at the moment you have two little babies completely reliant on you.
    Go and give them a cuddle, talk to them about your other cat (it may sound daft but I find them very good listeners!)
    Stop trying to compare them - you are allowed to grieve your other cat - I still miss cats I had when I was a child - but I could never be without the companionship and smiles and laughs that my cats provide. Its no more 'replacing' your other cat, than you would replace a friend or family member. They're just companions that you will grow to love - but you need to let yourself!
    I know that sounded very soppy to say we're discussing cats, but I love my cats with all of my heart and completely understand what you are going through. Feel free to PM me!

     
  8. jacob

    jacob Lead commenter

    Cats (and dogs) are individuals. You never forget each one when they are gone. they are all special. Each one has its own character for you to appreciate.
     
  9. Eva_Smith

    Eva_Smith Established commenter

    Thank you for understanding everyone. It helps to be able to say how I feel without fear of people rolling their eyes and thinking, "Oh for God's sake, it's only a cat!".
    You might be right Cosmos...it may be too soon. But part of what's been so hard is not having that routine that comes with having a pet to care for. The hardest bit is constantly 'fogetting' that he's not here and then the thoughts that pass through your mind: 'It's raining, better let the cat in' or, just before leaving for work, 'Is there enough food down for the cat?'.
    I chose kittens this time because I was worried that an older cat would be more set in their ways and I wouldn't be able to keep them in the house or something like that. Now I'm wondering if I wouldn't have been better off getting an adult cat because this would have replicated the routine I was already in (and am missing) more closely.
    Then I give myself a mental telling off for only thinking of selfish reasons to have a cat. Then I get upset when I think that I went for the kittens - like most people would, because they are 'prettier' and 'cuter' - and some loving, older cat will probably stay at the centre for ages before it's found a home.
    Sorry for rambling...I'm just an emotional mess at the moment, probably the result of a very stressful 2011 so far - it helps to just ramble on to nobody in particular about how I'm feeling. I know that in the grand scheme of things, my issues are insignificant compared to what others have had to deal with, but to me it's been absolutely awful and my cat was a huge comfort to me during hard times this year. I'm just devastated to have lost him.
    But I'm sure you are right: I will learn to love the kittens as much as I did my lovely boy, for different reasons and in a different way. They are very cute.....
     
  10. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Senior commenter

    I have just got two kitten too, about the same age as yours. Sort of recue but well, hmm. I do feel selfish for having TWO kittens. And belonging to me, not to any of the children. We also have two very old cats and they are benefitting from having new arrivals as is the dog funnily enough.
    I'm not so sure I want the constant cuddling though, especially when I am on the computer!
    I lost a cat that I loved so dearly a few years back. I cried for a week and no one understood really. It has taken me many years to indulge myself with a kitten again - only good rescue cats have been brought into the house.
    When I tried to adopt an older cat from the RSPCA they would not let the old cats be rehomed in case they were ferile and wandered. It broke me up seeing them sitting in the sun on a balcony knowing that they would not be kept very long for missing owners to turn up.
    Enjoy your kittens. They are not the old cat you loved but they will keep you company and occupy your thoughts and they will be fine anyway, because they are cats and cats are like that.
     
  11. But part of what's been so hard is not having that routine that comes with having a pet to care for. The hardest bit is constantly 'fogetting' that he's not here
    Oh I know, I really do. When my beloved springer died I was adrift for a long time because so much of my days were centred around her - not being out for too long, walking etc and I just didn't know what to do with myself. In fact it was a fat year before we acquired the old mutt we have now as well as a stray cat that adopted us at the same time. You will learn to love those kittens, in fact, in time you'll wonder what took you so long!

     
  12. Eva_Smith

    Eva_Smith Established commenter

    Thank you Nelly. The kittens ARE rescued cats from the RSPCA. They were confiscated from an owner who had already been banned from owning any animal! So I'm pleased that I'm able to offer them a loving home. There was an absolutely beautiful 3 year old cat who I could have just eaten up at the centre - he looked exactly like my old cat though, so I deliberately went for cats that were very different from him. He was lovely though; I could have happily taken about 10 of them if only I lived on a nice big farm and have several millions in the bank to keep them all.
    Which reminds me: I must sort out the insurance.
     
  13. Eva_Smith

    Eva_Smith Established commenter

    I know you are right, Cosmos. When I first got my old cat, it was hard to get into a routine and I didn't adore him immediately (in fact he was a pain in the proverbial!) But over time that all changed and in the end I absolutely adored the bones of him.
    I know it'll get to that point. I just wish I could fast-forward to the part where I feel happier and less pain.
     
  14. Eva, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. We lost our much loved cat to illness, last year,after a long and cantankerous life, bless her.
    It was so sad to lose her and the house felt like the proverbial shell without her here. One of the worst things was not having to step carefully over the array of food and water dishes in her *feeding corner* in order to reach something . Another sad thing was being able to sit on the sofa in the evening without having to get up to answer her *knock* at the window. :-(
    We did get a cat again within a fortnight - a rescue cat with a huge personality and a beauty spot like Madonna's near her mouth who had been in the shelter for about a year and becoming increasingly desperate. She rules the roost now and has huge amounts of territory to explore! But she will never replace the previous cat.You'll find that, too.
    Enjoy your kittens and enjoy giving them a lovely home. :)
     
  15. I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, Eva. My family has kept cats since I was seven years old and we have lost two cats in that time, both to being knocked over by a car. One of them was only 15 months old and had the sweetest, most charming personality. We got a new kitten also in the same month (this was 15 years ago) and she was and still is completely different to him-she is very timid, even after being with us for so long, and is nervous of seemingly everything. We now have 3 cats-the twin brother of the one who died aged 15 months, the female we got after he was knocked over and her son. The 3 of them are completely different to each other in terms of personality and they all have a special place in my heart. It is natural to grieve for your cat but enjoy your kittens too-as time goes on, you will find yourself loving their individual characteristics more and more and this is OK. They won't ever be able to replace your cat who passed away, nor would you want them to, but they will be lovable for themselves if that makes sense.
     
  16. Sorry to hear about the loss of your cat. Please don't blame yourself - you had to allow your cat a full life and it was not your fault.
    You will come to love the kittens - it takes a while for them to settle in and for you to learn their ways. When I got my cat I felt upset because I wanted one that would sit on my lap and purr - mine kept hiding behind things! Now I can hardly get him off my lap and he is so sweet and soppy. It just took time.
     
  17. lardylady

    lardylady Lead commenter

    I am so sorry for your loss, Eva. The summer before last, we had to have our beautiful tabby Polly put to sleep at 18 years of age and the pain was so intense. A few months later, my OH persuaded me to go to a Cats Protection open day. I found it so upsetting to see so many needy cats and even though I was still grieving for Polly, I knew that we could offer a loving home to another cat (or two as it turned out!). We now have two lovely ginger and white boys and I am so gald we adopted them. I still love and miss Polly and frequently talk to my boys about their 'sister'. OH thinks I'm nuts, of course! You will never forget the cat you lost, but you will grow to love the kittens you have now.
     
  18. Its heart-warming to have so many cat-lovers on here who all feel the same about our furry friends.
    Don't feel guilty for rehoming kittens - they do get homed more quickly, but they are just as in need of a home and there are so many of them unwanted.
    My dream would be to win the lottery and buy a huge plot of land that I could fence securely and turn into cat heaven. Any cat that needed a home, i'd have.
     
  19. lardylady

    lardylady Lead commenter

    We share the same dream!
     
  20. Eva_Smith

    Eva_Smith Established commenter

    Me too! Maybe we could all club together, like George and Lennie and Candy in 'Of Mice and Men'....
    Thanks for the kind words everyone. It helps just having a place to come and 'say' the things that may sound ridiculous to others.
     

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