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sensitive issue needs advice

Discussion in 'Early Years' started by schollanna, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. Thanks so much for your responses and apologies for the confusing post. I was on my own at parents evening and she was telling me about what happened previously during 'group time'. I felt unsure as it sounded like she wanted me to do something about it. I can make my son listen to me but of course i don't have 29 other children in my sitting room. So is a little pointless.

    I have taken advice on board..... I won't interfere and presume she doesn't know what she's doing. Its so hard because you can't help but worry about your child and just want the best but sometimes our emotions cloud our judgement.

    Funnily enough i have volunteered and start a drama class for the two reception classes after half term.

    Thanks xx
  2. mystery10

    mystery10 Occasional commenter

    That sounds brill. I find parents' evenings a great puzzle too and I'm an ex-teacher. I sometimes don't know why I am being told what I am being told. Recently I was told that my child doesn't write much because she is too busy talking to her friends; it was clear from her shocking book that this was the case too. I never think on the occasion to ask why I am being told, and if I should be doing something about it, and if so what. It just gets me annoyed that I haven't been told sooner. It's almost like something juicy has to be stored up for parents' evening. Maybe it's to keep us on our toes so that we keep on attending! I was losing interest in parents' evenings so maybe this was my wake-up call!! I just wonder what would have happened if I hadn't turned up to parents' evening. I drop off and pick up my children every day, and write in their reading records and homework books so it's not as if I'm a "hard to reach" parent.
    The voluntary drama classes sound great. Wish you were a parent at our school!!
  3. Parents' evening is a time to share knowledge of the child, it is not about telling parents to 'do something' about their child, but it is about keeping parents in the loop concerning how their child is getting on and the things that influence that eg chatting to friends. As a parent you might want to talk to your child about that, as an extra, influential voice to support the child's progress. As for not knowing earlier, I would imagine that the teacher prioritises what they need to tell parents - serious incidents of bad behaviour would be communicated ASAP, low level negative behaviour patterns which develop gradually would be saved for parents' evening. Giving every parent a verbal report every day would not be practical. After all, there is nothing unusual about children chatting too much.Mystery, you seem to want it both ways. You are asking why you weren't told earlier while wondering why you are being told at all.OP, you received some negative information about your child, which is always difficult. Clearly the teacher is using some strategies to help your child concentrate, including making you aware. You may find when you take the class for drama that the same 5 boys challenge you.
  4. I suppose i would have liked her to have been more specific, ie: your child doesn't concentrate at group time but we are trying x y and z. And, not to worry as its quite normal etc...
    Sometimes teachers make these casual flippent comments that play on parents' minds. Yes i am looking forward to teaching them for drama and seeing the individual characters.......... god i hope my son doesn't show me up!!!
  5. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I am still trying to work out the relevance of his teacher being a 'lovely mature lady'.
  6. mystery10

    mystery10 Occasional commenter

    Bit like a good French wine or cheese?
    No I don't think I want it both ways Thumbie; you see you have an unspoken understanding that I have been told this fact so that I can choose to do something or not ........ well yes, but it would be good if it was set in context for the parent so ----- the teacher could say whether she thinks it would be helpful if you could say something to the child about it and if so what kind of thing she might suggest. After all it is quite difficult to change a behaviour that does not happen in your presence and where you won't know whether it has improved or not. And if the teacher is not going to be a bit more informative about why you are being told this fact, why tell you at all?
    I don't think it was a little bit of your child is too chatty but that's normal and it's not really affecting anything. It was saying she barely has anything down in her book and I don't really know how she's doing cos she's too busy chatting. And I saw the books before I saw the teacher and I was wondering why it all looked very scruffy, thoughtless, and nothing like I would have expected from her. I don't think 6 weeks is a one-off incident. It's a long time in the life of a child, more of a pattern I would say, and she's a child who does know what she should be doing and would normally do it.
    Look I find it quite funny really as I can really imagine the situation, but on the other hand it does bother me as clearly I want it to stop asap.
    The OP is currently employed as a teacher and is having similar thoughts to me. Maybe we are both completely mad!! I was just drawing a parallel with the OP situation.
  7. Not so much an understanding that you were being told in order that you do something, just that if I was told that about my child I would want to do something about it. If you feel she could be doing more work in her book, a word from you might make a big difference. And, yes, maybe this is why the teacher is telling you. However, it is more likely she is telling you because the purpose of parents' evening is partly to tell you what your child is like at school, how they are progressing, and what their attitude to school and work is like. I think you are right about this chatting being a pattern of behaviour, and I'm sure the teacher has many strategies to deal with it. Would you expect her therefore not to mention it?You know, it is a common phenomenon for children to behave very differently at school and at home. You feel your child knows better, and almost seem to be blaming the teacher for her chatting to others. However, you could just trust the teacher to know what your child is like at school, and that she tends to chat and this has to be dealt with at times.. I used to find it fascinating to find out what my children were like at school. I remember my oldest, shy, well-behaved child getting into big trouble for standing up to a teacher; she was giving a glimpse of her future as a feisty, principled adult.
  8. mystery10

    mystery10 Occasional commenter

    Oh yes it is great to learn a little about their secret life from time to time!! Oh yes I know how differently behaved mine are at home and school, it's quite amazing, I'm really glad the teachers never see them at home.
    Oh no I'm not criticising the teacher, though I suppose to be fair saying to myself I would like to have known sooner is implied criticism. But I wouldn't tell the teacher that so hopefully that makes it OK!!
    I would expect a teacher to mention it once she had tried some techniques for curtailing the chatting ----- but in fact it was lovely to know before this stage as it gave me the chance to have a very (secretly) amusing conversation with my child which might have some effect ........ only time will tell!!
  9. mystery10

    mystery10 Occasional commenter

    Cross-legged is uncomfortable for some adults too - hated it then, and still do now. We also had coconut matting at school to sit on in carpet time - uncomfortable all round. But wriggling on that was even more uncomfortable than sitting still so you didn't if you possibly couldn't!!
  10. In my opinion most children have a head transplant somewhere between home and school- mine certainly did!
  11. upsadaisy

    upsadaisy New commenter

    If a teacher tells you your child talks too much to her friends, she is telling you because she wants you to emphasize to your child the importance of doing well and listening in school. To value her work and schooling. The teacher should not have to spell out every little thing for you. You are told this because you are the parent and also responsible for your child. The teacher looked at you to confirm if you had noticed this at home, or give you a chance to share your own input. It is a meeting to take part in, not just be talked at and stare back! Instead of coming on here and making out like you know better; you time might be better spent thinking how you can help your son. Does he need to play some listening games, have his hearing checked? Play some memory games?
  12. mystery10

    mystery10 Occasional commenter

    Goodness me, did you get out of bed the wrong side today Upsadaisy? And are you talking about the OP's child - it seems to change sex throughout your post!![​IMG]

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