As soon as I graduated from university I knew I'd made a huge mistake choosing teaching as a career. My husband convinced me to give it a try for one year and if I still did't like it to move on. 9 years on and classed as an "outstanding" teacher I still feel this way. I've spent the last 5 years trying to leave the profession but with no success. On the surface I appear calm and organised but inside I constantly feel like I'm in a pressure cooker with demands being thrown at me from all angles. I've had a number of long periods of time off with illnesses some of which I believe have been caused by work related stress. My amount of sickness leave probably contributes to my lack of job application success. Last night I reached a new low. After reading the 32 emails I'd been sent that day (observations, pupil progress, reports, data, work and planning scrutiny, parents evening, the list goes on) my head was spinning. I went to bed and for a split second I thought to myself I can't do this anymore. I've had enough. I'm scared to admit it but for a brief second I thought about suicide. As soon as it came into my head I snapped straight out of it but the fact that that happened has really unnerved and frightened me. There's no one I feel comfortable telling about this. I cant go to the dr as if they sign me off that's more time off I'd have to explain to a potential new employer and my school are fed up with me as it is. I feel like a drama queen as I type this all out. But I'm feeling so low. I need to leave teaching. My husband tries to be supportive. On one hand he sees the stress I am under and incidents that happen and says I need to get out then when I try to look into other options he tries to talk me into staying. I often think about going on supply but again my husband doesn't want me to do this for financial reasons. I don't really know what the purpose of my post is. I think I just needed to speak to someone about it.