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Secondary school & leaving old friends

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Flowersinspring, Sep 22, 2019.

  1. Flowersinspring

    Flowersinspring Senior commenter

    Did any of your children go to a secondary without most of their friends from primary? Were new friendships made easily? Or not...?

    Worrying already and it's only Open Evening time.:(
     
  2. LondonCanary

    LondonCanary Lead commenter

    She went to a school where she knew no one. She also changed primary in year 5 to a school where she knew no one.
    Both times it worked out fine. New friends made easily. . It really depends on your child's personality.
    Edit
    We didn't move house. The changes were not forced by geography.
     
    Flowersinspring likes this.
  3. primarycat

    primarycat Star commenter

    We moved hemispheres. She did make friends fairly easily. But I agree with @LondonCanary that it does vary from person to person.
     
    Flowersinspring and FrankWolley like this.
  4. eleanorms

    eleanorms Occasional commenter

    Yes, to same school for both of mine. The oldest knew one person, the youngest none at all. However, it helped her to know that actually there was a real scatter from her year 6 to several local schools. And we live quite close to all their old friends, so they still see them all the time, and keep in constant touch with whatsapp groups. Neither of them was happy with the thought of going, but had made friends by the end of the first day. And I would do it again despite their protests, and again, a thousand times over if I still thought, as I do, that the school I chose was the best one.
     
    Flowersinspring and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  5. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Even when children go to Secondary school with friends, they often make new ones and move on from the ones from their old school.
     
  6. Flowersinspring

    Flowersinspring Senior commenter

    Thank you for your replies. It's helpful to hear of others' experiences. I really want him to go to school A with his friends and am not a huge fan of school B- even though my daughter goes there! I need to be positive about both. Or send him to my school...:eek:

    Thanks again. X
     
  7. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    Don't worry. It's all very benign at this age. you're a nice enough parent so wherever he goes he'll choose nice enough friends-they can't help it.
    It's more when they're older that you need to worry. You'll look back on this time as a sort joyful pick'n' mix choosing process when in five years'time you'll be more worried about whether he's finding his friends underage down the pub, or online on a dubious emo forum
     
  8. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    My second son lost his 3 best friends to the fee-playing Grammar School. The comp he went to had two "sides". The kids he hung out with most all went into the other side. He ended up in a class with a boy he liked but who was already into girls and DJing so less and less in common (coincidentally they met up years after uni and both play for the same five-a-side team now). He is naturally shy and reticent and I believe was very lonely for the first five years. The "sides" amalgamated in sixth form and he had a much better social life.
     
  9. friedgreentomatoes

    friedgreentomatoes Lead commenter

    I have no children, but many years ago when I went to secondary school only 3 of my primary school classmates came with me. I wasn't friends with any of them and we were all put in separate classes anyway. I made new friends very quickly and by half term it was like they had always been my friends. 40 odd years later I am still in touch with some of them.
     
    Flowersinspring and sabrinakat like this.
  10. chelsea2

    chelsea2 Star commenter

    I struggled for the first year when I moved to the grammar school on the other side of town with just 2 other girls from my school. They were best friends and my 'enemies', i.e. we didn't get on. It didn't help that my best friend from primary school went to the secondary school at the end of our road, and made new firends who lived locally. I was very lonely, both at school and at home. It took me the whole of that first year to make a new set of close friends in my form, and then the five of us hung out together for the next 4 years, till we split up when we went to 6th Form College.

    I do think it's harder for girls to make new friends, for all sorts of reasons, than boys. whose friendships seem much more fluid and open, often linked with hobbies and skills they have in common, e.g. football, music, gaming, etc. With girls, you're either 'in' or 'out' of a particular group.
     
    Pageant likes this.
  11. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    The high school I taught in for 20 years was 15 minutes' walk from home, so the primary at the top of our road that our two kids went to was one of its feeders. The friends they'd grown up with in primary went to my high school, so our kids did too - I felt the school I worked in was good enough, if not perfect. I also felt that as they lived in the village community where both schools were situated it was important to maintain those community bonds. If they'd maybe lived in a city suburb and had commuted further to school I might have been more choosy about high school options.

    There are issues that come with having your own kids in your workplace but none so terrible as caused us any lasting heartache. I didn't feel the need to send them to the next high school elsewhere to avoid them. As it happened I spent the last two years of my career working in the nearest alternative school and it wasn't incredibly different in character to where they actually went, so the decision was a sound one.

    Speaking for myself as a pupil I made new friends at high school and kept a few of the old ones from primary. You can't really predict how that will turn out for any given child.
     

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