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School Direct Opt In Primary PGCE- drowning

Discussion in 'Trainee and student teachers' started by 1Consuela, Nov 1, 2015.

  1. 1Consuela

    1Consuela New commenter

    I feel like the last 6 weeks have been a total rollercoaster.
    The most frustrating part is that I believed the time was right to do this now. With my youngest starting school next year I felt that I could throw my energy into this now knowing I could be a mummy more too, with the 'holidays' teachers get (ahem!). I have worked as a nursery manager for 12 years working 10 hour days (and the rest) all year round so am well accustomed to the lack of life. I didn't anticipate I would lose myself though.
    The workload has been immense. A massive Learning and Teaching Portfolio accompanied with several weekly reflections to the online portfolio, as well as planning, evaluating own lessons, trying to build relationships with the teacher, attending weekly training at other schools in the cluster.
    My main concern is, I do not feel like I belong in my base school.
    I could go into this at length but really I am hoping to get some motivation to keep me going.
    I have so much support from my husband and parents, and this is what I have aspired to for so long. But why is it so damn testing?! I feel like I am losing myself. Weekends are a blur. I dread the time when the boys are in bed as I know I need to then spend my evening on PGCE tasks or planning.
    I am hoping things will feel better in my next placement, but I feel sick that things will continue to feel this way and I will dread returning to the base school.
    The PGCE mentors know how I feel and are doing so much to make sure the school is fulfilling their role.
    I just miss feeling like me. Will I get that back? Will this get easier to manage? It feels like a long, dark, empty tunnel.
    Apologies for this incoherent ramble, and thank you for reading to the end of my warbling!
  2. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    It does get easier, in my experience. My PGCE was hellish, being at school 9-10 hours a day, coming home, having dinner and then working until 11pm/midnight. However, there are many paperwork things that are generally not required for NQT (although it depends on the school you get a job at), like reflections/evaluations, working with the class teacher, having to link different files in different ways.

    That said, teaching is generally becoming a lot more about paperwork and you have to be good at your time management to keep that all-important work/life balance. Many experienced teachers still work most evenings and one day at the weekend, whereas just as many do maybe a few hours at the weekend and that's it. It depends what kind of organiser you are. Best of luck.
  3. bananatree84

    bananatree84 Occasional commenter

    I am doing school direct too I started in Sept. I am finding it hard work too and I am not quite where I thought I would be by now in terms of being quite shy and finding it hard to make friends with some of the staff. It is a hard balance to strike with the staff as you both are and aren't a teacher. I am sure we will both get there.
  4. BiscuitDunker

    BiscuitDunker New commenter

    Hi there,
    I did SDS Primary (with PGCE) last year and in terms of workload, unfortunately it doesn't get any better. You will be working every evening and at weekends but by the sound of it, it's not the workload that is causing a problem? What is it about your school that you don't like or what is making you unhappy? Do you have a good relationship with your mentor there?
  5. 1Consuela

    1Consuela New commenter

    I suppose its not necessarily the workload, when I am on top of my planning I can spend time on essays.. its down to me and my time management.
    It really is the school. My mentor is wonderfully supportive. I guess I just don't feel like I fit there. It's a very small school and I don't feel like I can be myself. Very experienced older teaching team.. and me.. a hyper early years enthusiast with lots of questions, energy and ideas. Things have settled down and I think I had too much time to dwell on things over half term. I stuck at it, and am feeling positive about the week ahead. If I don't look too far ahead at the PGCE workload I can handle things. One day at a time.
  6. 1Consuela

    1Consuela New commenter

    How are you feeing now after a week back? Hope things are settling down for you. Each day and week changes so much doesn't it! It's hard when you have to adapt and work alongside new people all of the time, then rebuild yourself rapidly in a new school after xmas! I assume you have a second placement? Or are you in the same school all year? Good luck :) You're not alone x
  7. bananatree84

    bananatree84 Occasional commenter

    Thanks for thinking of me. Had a really good couple of days last week followed by rubbish morning today. Am seeing my mentor tomorrow to chat about it. She has asked me to reflect and think of what I am going to do about it. I have come up with three things mainly involving establishing myself as a teacher with my own expectations of the class and my own routine and style. If what my class teacher does is not working for me I need to find something which is. How are you getting on?
  8. 1Consuela

    1Consuela New commenter

    How has the week been since? Mine was going okay until I had a rubbish lesson and first informal obs. Had enough. Emailed cluster to request a move. I deserve to be in a school that enables and inspires me, not setting me up to struggle and fail. I feel like I have established myself well and can manage the class okay but in terms of support with planning, there's none. They are out the door before 4pm and I am now being ignored by the teacher. I am grabbing my (non existent!) balls and saying no! This is not okay. This is not learning and mentoring. This is hell. I deserve better. I will stay until Christmas as I have a block of 6 weeks elsewhere but I have demanded to be moved on the grounds of behaviours in school and if they don't move me I will move myself. I already have a school to take me so they can make it happen or I will defer. Simple! Hope you're okay?
    Does anyone know how to open messages on this site? Apparently I have 3.. but I can't click on the messages bit.. where do we read them?! xx

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