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scared to get back on the horse

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Sbibi2, Mar 16, 2011.

  1. Hi,
    I completed my NQT last year and had a really traumatic experience which has led to me losing total confidence in my ability to teach and questioning whether I can ever teach full time again.
    I was appointed to take over from a long-serving teacher who had left in unpleasant circumstances. Due to her being on and off for around two years, her classes (especially her GCSE class) were demotivated.
    I was given the job after much deliberation as to whether an NQT should inherit a GCSE class who needed to complete almost two years of study in one year. They appointed me as the HOD felt I seemed confident and highly able and assured me they would offer me all the support they could.
    One term into the job and everything started falling apart. I was finding the pressure to deliver a brand new GCSE in such a short space of time really overwhelming. Add to the equation that I had, by pure bad luck, been given one of the most badly behaved year 7 form groups, whom I also taught three days a week, and also had to deal with racism (as I was the only non-white member of staff in the school). I had to deal with disruptive behaviour on a daily basis and was offered little support. Soon I began to develop anxiety every morning at the thought of going to work. I became increasingly stressed and when I told my HOD that i was finding things difficult, he seemed understandingbut just said I'd be okay.
    I wasn't okay though and the support promised on my appointment was never really given. My feelings of stress and exhaustion meant I found it harder to deal with behaviour and generally just found it hard to stay on top of things like planning, marking books and delivering lessons enthusiastically. I started to isolate myself into my classroom because I didn't want anyone to know how unhappy I felt. I eventually confided in a few coleagues and would burst into tears each time. My anxiety was increased by the fact I was worried Id fail the year.
    I passed the NQT and have since left the school. I've been doing supply but can't see this as a long-term option. I know I need to try and get back into full time teaching but I'm scared that I might not be able to cope with the pressures of full time work. I have lost a lot of confidence in my ability to both teach and to cope with the additional stress associated with teaching. I don't want to feel as unhappy as I did last year because it affected every area of my life which just isn't fair on my loved ones.
    Has anyone been through a similar experience? Is it worth risking my mental health just to re-ignite a career which I might not be able to cope with?

     
  2. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    What would you do if you walked away from teaching now? If the idea of trying your hand at something new is appealing perhaps you should. There is no need to feel guilty about moving on to something else, lots of people do it, but tbh it's not a good time for employment of any sort is it. I wonder if you've been to any employment agencies to test the water.
    People post on here regularly about changing school and getting their confidence back. That could be you if it's what you want but of course, teaching is hard work. However, many other jobs are hard work too.
    It seems early days to give up, particularly if supply is going OK. How do you feel about the schools where you do supply - can you see yourself working and coping at any of them? You could stick at the supply for a while longer and start to look around for a longer term option.
    I guess you're struggling with coming to terms with things not working out the way you thought they would. Unfortunately it's a universal truth that s h i t happens.
     
  3. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    What would you do if you walked away from teaching now? If the idea of trying your hand at something new is appealing perhaps you should. There is no need to feel guilty about moving on to something else, lots of people do it, but tbh it's not a good time for employment of any sort is it. I wonder if you've been to any employment agencies to test the water.
    People post on here regularly about changing school and getting their confidence back. That could be you if it's what you want but of course, teaching is hard work. However, many other jobs are hard work too.
    It seems early days to give up, particularly if supply is going OK. How do you feel about the schools where you do supply - can you see yourself working and coping at any of them? You could stick at the supply for a while longer and start to look around for a longer term option.
    I guess you're struggling with coming to terms with things not working out the way you thought they would. Unfortunately it's a universal truth that s h i t happens. You're not the only one[​IMG]
     
  4. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

  5. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    [​IMG]
     

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