I got an inadequate lesson observation during the first round of performance management observations this year. I was kinda expecting inadequate as I'm in a really hard school and I'm a new member of staff. I've been put on a support programme and it was outlined in an official letter that I needed to get satisfactory or above by January (I'm getting other support as well to help me through this). It was made clear that all these is done to help me as much as possible, my line manager recently went through the same and said it was really rewarding. However, this has made me sick with worry. I'm on a 6 month probationary period and I'm not yet on a permanent contract (I didn't actually know this until Thursday). I feel like a complete and utter failure. I came into a failing department, where for the past 3 years the teacher was in when he felt like it. I was told that I had a battle on my hands, and if I'm honest I've really struggled, but helped by the fact that behaviour all over is a problem. I've had some pretty rotten lessons recently, my confidence is rock bottom and I don't feel like I can do my job properly. I'm being told that none of this is my fault, the kids are disengaged from the subject and I need to build relationships and get them back enjoying the subject (which is music btw). Tbf, I've got clubs started, I'm feeling my way through a new BTEC course which I've never taught before and I lose my lunchtimes all week because of rehearsals. I feel like I've worked my **** off this half term. My classes still aren't great, I've got no confidence in myself any more. I want to deliver musical futures in January and get group performances going but I'm dreading it. I'm doing my best but the kids are still disengaged and I've only a very small percentage of the class who want to do the practical work. I've encouraged the less confident kids, but still failing to get full engagement. Normally, I could perhaps deal with this, but when it comes to being observed that equals inadequate. I was an NQT last year and got good with outstanding features in most of my observations, and now I've dipped. The whole situation feels so unfair, and I feel like I'm going to lose my job. I really don't think I'm going to get a satisfactory ever again. I've been told that as long as I take the support and advice given I should be fine, but how can that be if I don't get the satisfactory observation? I'm constantly being told that the behaviour of the kids isn't my fault and I have this 'battle' getting them engaged, and now I'm inadequate. I'm still on probation, so what if I don't get a satisfactory? I'm so confused and upset, I desperately want to talk to someone at school about this, but I went home and now my head is swimming. I'm so nervous about work on Monday again, I desperately want things to start going better through fear of losing my job. I'm probably making too much of this, but this really has been the straw that broke the camel's back. I nearly didn't go into work today and put virtually nothing into the lessons. I feel so flat and depressed.