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Ruddy anxiety

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by Flowersinspring, Oct 10, 2019.

  1. Flowersinspring

    Flowersinspring Senior commenter

    It's back. If I stop and think about things, even a bit, I become overwhelmed. I don't listen to my son reading enough, he'll fall behind, he'll never be any good at English, never enjoy reading. My daughter is struggling with maths and physics- I can't help- I'm useless because I haven't got her a tutor. They're both going to feel like failures because they're not extreme high fliers. They know how.much they're loved but that isn't going to get them far in life.

    I can't get evidence together at work because I freeze. I can't see the point. Do I tell the HT I'm struggling? The HT is my PM link. The teaching is fine, it's the proving that I do things I'm struggling with. I'm shaky and shuffling paper instead of doing anything constructive. Terrified of looking useless. Even more useless.

    Help.Please.
     
  2. katelewis1008

    katelewis1008 New commenter

    Please go to the GP and tell them exactly how you are feeling and take any support you are offered.

    I didn't want to read and run. I know anxiety well - you can and will see things differently with time and some support.

    Love does take people far and it sounds like you have a lot of it in your life.

    Take care xxx
     
  3. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Hi Flowersinspring

    Firstly, you are not useless.

    There are a lot of people who struggle with worry or anxiety.

    It sounds as though you could use some professional counselling.

    You can contact your GP or in some areas refer yourself. Phone your GP for advice.

    The counselor will be able to help you identify what is causing these thoughts and feelings.

    In the meantime, if you feel like you need help now, The Samaritans are excellent and their phone number is pinned at the top of this forum.
     
    jlishman2158 and grumpydogwoman like this.
  4. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Sounds to me you're almost in a panic and unable to get on top of things. Not enough to prevent you doing your job, but enough to perhaps ensure you spend far too much time worrying about things. Either look at some techniques to control those worries, counselling or, if you're willing ask your GP for some anti=-depressants to cope with that?
     
  5. Jamvic

    Jamvic Lead commenter

    I wouldn’t personally advise doing this. But only you know how understanding and genuinely supportive your HT is toward their staff. Maybe they would give you an extension to get evidence together or help you in identifying appropriate evidence but in my experience it’s unlikely. They more likely will just want to tick all the appropriate PM boxes of the 5-10 people they are responsible for and sign off the entire stupid PM process (game) for another year just like everyone else.

    There truly is no point to evidence collecting so stop trying to see one. It’s just one of those ridiculous ‘hoops’ that as a teacher you have jump through for no valid reason. So accept it’s just a game, take a deep breath and start collecting evidence one piece of paper/ email/signed confirmation sheet etc. at a time.

    Practical way to do this:

    Look at your targets one by one and write down 3 things for each target that can count as evidence to show you either achieved the target or did something toward achieving it. That’s it, that’s your evidence. If any of your ‘proof’ includes something you did or attended or organised that has no paper trail then type out a statement describing the activity and get someone who witnessed you doing the thing to sign it (preferably a member of SLT as no one will argue with that).

    au contraire.

    Knowing how much they are loved is the very thing that will will sustain and support them throughout their entire lives. It will give them the confidence to be true to themselves. To be able take risks in life knowing they are never entirely alone. It will make them more likely to be good, loving parents when their turn comes around.

    You may be a busy working parent who never thinks they are doing enough but you can only do so much at any given time, stop being so hard on yourself (you are obviously doing plenty by the way as those who really don’t parent sufficiently are not the types who end up worrying like this about it. EVERY good parent thinks they could do, or could have done more, it’s an intrinsic insecurity that comes with the job).

    It’s because you’re thinking about everything all at once. Compartmentalise it all. Sort out the stupid evidence thing first then when that immediate pressure is gone you can take a step back and consider the other stuff that you feel needs to be addressed.

    Best wishes and please be kinder to yourself. Parenting and teaching, the two hardest jobs in the world imo and you’ve been doing both for years.....go you!! :)
     
  6. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Good advice from jamvic.
     
  7. Flowersinspring

    Flowersinspring Senior commenter

    Thank you all so.much for the replies. Not a good day today.
    But thank you for your kindness.
     
  8. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    Must be something in the water...wasn't good for my anxiety today either.

    Almost said **** you to my DH at one stage and he was fully aware how close a call it was. Luckily he knew how to deal with it and moved things on calmly.
    Cried in a colleagues arms on the staffroom sofa in afternoon break.
    Threw a tantrum in the Heads office.
    Doodled my way through the staff meeting and have no idea at all what was discussed.

    When asked by the head what was wrong I couldn't begin to say...just that I was panicking and worrying.
    Hey ho!

    Silver lining is that I am reminded yet again how lucky I am to have such patient and understanding SLT.
     
  9. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    You're a working parent. I think you'll find it's destitution if you prioritise private tutoring over mortgage payments. It's 2019. Can nobody else read with your son? Maybe your daughter. Just read together with him. Read a book to him. Snuggle up in bed and he joins in occasionally when you get close to the end of a paragraph. As for your daughter. She need only pass maths. And physics? How badly does she need it for what she wants to do?

    As for evidence? Are you allowed to take photos of the work? Download to each kid's folder and it's there. Make a few generic templates and use them.
     
    Jamvic, pepper5, jlishman2158 and 3 others like this.
  10. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Indeed she has 'said it all' so well.

    It took me a long time to realise that 'being a good-enough' parent is OK, provided the children feel secure and loved.
     
    Jamvic, pepper5, jlishman2158 and 2 others like this.
  11. gainly

    gainly Lead commenter

    I think knowing they are loved is much more important for your children than getting them a tutor. Many parents seem to get a tutor as compensation for the fact they don't spend time with their children.
     
  12. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    One danger with private tutoring is that they can pass an exam, get put into a higher group, fail to thrive because the tutoring artificially inflated their standing temporarily and feel even more useless as everyone else forges ahead.

    If you're sure it's bad teaching? Maybe it's a fair option. But it can be a bad thing.
     
    pepper5, jellycowfish and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  13. JohnJCazorla

    JohnJCazorla Star commenter

    And You Recognise It's Back.

    Here's some good news,
    You've spotted it sooner as you now know what it looks like for you. So it's already less vicious than it was the first time when you were totally unprepared for it.

    I'd love to say, "Because you've already seen it off once you can easily do so again" but as a repeat sufferer I know it is very difficult. But not impossible and you can see it off again by applying a lot of the things that worked first time round.
    My 'solution' to the last attack was
    • get out of the school, as supply very easy but expensive as I didn't work all of that month. The school wasn't even the major problem, the job was though.
    • see the doctor and practically demand anti-depressants
    • join a talking therapy group, in my case Andy's Man Club but perhaps this isn't the one for you.:eek:
    • leaning heavily on friends and family
    • lots of long walks and other exercise.
    All the best
     
    Jamvic, pepper5, SundaeTrifle and 5 others like this.
  14. Flowersinspring

    Flowersinspring Senior commenter

    Again, thank you. Not going back on anti depressants!!!!!! It's the anxiety not the depression. My school is really nice so I'm angry as the anxiety shouldn't, on paper, need to occur.

    @grumpydogwoman - stop being so ruddy helpful here and focus on YOU. That's an order!
     
    Jamvic, JohnJCazorla and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  15. cassiedogrip

    cassiedogrip New commenter

    Yes, definitely go to your GP. I almost went under about 3 years ago due to work and home pressures colliding and impacting on each other. I had counselling, then medication - Sertraline is brilliant, just a low dosage too!
    I had three weeks off to 'reset' and for meds to kick in - the best thing I've ever done. Got things in perspective and have 'got through' to a point where I can now take early retirement - see my thread Retiring at Christmas 2019! I realise that you are younger and not able to do this, but it really is all the more reason to get help now - it is not a sign of weakness, it really isn't and I am sure that you will get to a point where you'll 'see the light' so to speak and to think about teaching as just a job and not something that should EVER take a permanent hold on anyone. Also, you are not alone...There will, no doubt, be many of your colleagues who, secretly, feel much as you do - the quiet ones are usually the ones to really 'crack' because they hold so much inside. I eventually spoke to / confided in some of my colleagues and found that I was part of a majority who had sought medical help - we called ourselves the Sertraline Club! Yes, I know, it's in bad taste I suppose, but it helped us to make light of things. My union were excellent with their advice too ( the NEU in my case but I'm sure that others will be equally supportive).
    Your family life is far too important for your current situation to continue. The fact that you have posted on here is a positive first step.
    All the best.
     
  16. cassiedogrip

    cassiedogrip New commenter

    Sorry, I've just seen that you don't really want to go back on the meds - I fully understand you, it's just that they have been, and still are, a great help to me.
    Do go for the counselling though, even though you're at a great, supportive school, remember that it is the 'system' that is the problem and at the moment there doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel with regards to an injection of common sense happening any time soon from our learned friends in the halls of power.
     
    Jamvic, JohnJCazorla, pepper5 and 3 others like this.
  17. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    Try to take some time for something for you. Many people I know say exercise helps their anxiety-you could maybe find something you'd enjoy with your children? Dog walking, swimming, maybe even going to an indoor snow place for a ski (never done it myself, but maybe we should all take time to do things like this, and not make excuses, like I do, asking whether I'm young enough).
     
  18. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    You're not thinking straight. You can't separate anxiety from depression as if they're two different animals.

    Imagine you are having trouble sleeping. Maybe the legacy of a back injury. You're strapped for cash. Your child keeps having random colds.

    The lack of sleep affects everything. But then so does the worry about income. And a nagging worry about your child's health. It all combines. Solving one won't solve all BUT declining help for any of it is tantamount to saying you have no intention of even trying to improve. Why cling to being this way when there's a chance to change? My elder daughter is resisting counselling despite being advised to by her doctor, by me, by her sister. We think she's frightened to confront something. We don't know what. But we don't understand why she won't. And you know that YOUR well-wishers want you to take the meds so....why not?
     
    JohnJCazorla likes this.
  19. JohnJCazorla

    JohnJCazorla Star commenter

    Are you sure about that? I’m back off them but I needed the head space to be able to analyse my anxieties and stressors and reduce them as far as possible. Sounds daft to go on drugs to be able see clearly but that’s the only way I can sum up the benefits!
     
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  20. JohnJCazorla

    JohnJCazorla Star commenter

    Sorry to even slightly criticise such a great post but Andys Man Club has a rule of no naming of medication. This is because the only person to Prescribe is a doctor and any such advice from us could be dangerous.
    Don’t get me wrong, your advice is much better than my attempt otherwise.
     

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