1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded education professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice


Discussion in 'Personal' started by gorgybaby, Aug 11, 2012.

  1. Prompted by some awful news a friend has just had involving revenge. Do you believe in it? An eye for an eye? Are you able (do you want to) move on? Do you enjoy it when people who have wronged you get their comeuppance? Am struggling a bit with the notion as I am very much a mover-onner. Mr Gorgy is a bit the opposite. Which are you?
  2. Gardening Leaves

    Gardening Leaves New commenter

    Revenge is too often self-destructive. I believe strongly in a quest for justice, though, which is healing. It's,what keeps me going, four years after being deliberately hurt by my former Head.
  3. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    Constantly thinking about getting revenge for many many years, looking for that opportunity and letting the person control your life is not healthy at all. However, I do completely understand why, sometimes, someone's behaviour results in choosing to have nothing more to do with that person. I understand how it might be impossible to forgive someone.
    I can think of two people who I will never forgive for the things they did and said. I won't carry around a contant niggling hatred, I won't be seeking any form of revenge, but they've well and truly burned their bridges.
    However, as I've said to both of those people, if they were ever in dire straits and had no-one else to turn to, I don't think I could ever refuse them my help. They shouldn't expect my friendship though.
  4. I'm a bit sceptical about all these people who claim they turn the other cheek. One or two of them can snap back, no problem.
  5. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I truly admire anyone who can have such confidence to dismiss those who have 'wronged' them. I'm usually crippled by self-doubt and anguish. I wish I had the confidence to brush of their remarks or behaviour.
  6. What do you mean by "dismiss" and "brush off"? Ignore or retaliate?
  7. Oh, I can have a right argument and shout.
    But no, I tend to walk away from those who really try to hurt me.
    It was a long learning curve - but today - no, you can only hurt me if I let you. And I won't - I will show you that I can do anything I put my mind to and that no harmful words or deed will stop me doing what I want.
    And if you think that is a form of revenge - maybe it is. All those who ever hurt me can watch me getting on with my life and being good at it.
    Which doesn't mean I never feel hurt - just that I have learnt to deal with it in a different way and deny those kind of people any place in my life.
  8. If they have wronged you, why doubt yourself`?
    Thinking about what you may have done to contribute to the situation is healthy and good for self-development, but there is not much point in always thinking you are to blame.

  9. There is a part of me that thinks I should stick up for myself more, but I tend to busy myself with other bits and pieces and whatever has happened ceases to bother me after a while. Maybe at some point I will have an Office Space photocopier moment.(Anyone who has seen the film will know what I mean!)
  10. I wonder if we are all talking at cross purposes?
    I can very definitely stand up for myself!
    I just don't faff on wasting months or years of my life worrying about what somebody has done to aggrieve me.
    I say (or shout) my piece and then - done.

  11. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I mean that I admire the person who can say, "They are the ones missing out, it's no skin off my nose if they've chosen to behave badly".
    I'm much more likely to allow that person to get to me and let is fester for days, wishing I was brave enough to have stood up to them.
  12. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I often wonder if the other person is doing the same though, or if they are just merrily enjoying life thinking, "Well it was definitely all Eva's fault". It's particularly difficult if a person's words or action play into one's insecurities.
  13. Well, neither of you will find out if you neither of you open your mouth and speak!

  14. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I know. And if I think anything is redeemable, I'd definitely open my mouth. But in the two situations I've mentioned, I have no desire to speak to either person again. And that takes a lot for me because I don't give up on people or friendships easily.
  15. I was referring back to something I posted early on in the thread about not staying cross/upset for very long at all.I don't think standing up for yourself is the same as seeking revenge. It's better to deal with something quickly than bearing a grudge for years. I am better at standing up for myself in work situations than in my private life.
  16. I used to but don't anymore, I do however feel better when someone who has wronged someone close to me gets their comeuppance (obviously not extreme versions of this though). Isn't it a natural reaction?

    I remember once seeking revenge and thoroughly enjoying it a looooong time ago.

    As a young vocal coach I was working with a company and one of the students (an adult) demonstrated her racist tendencies by repeatedly insulting my daughter (who is mixed race), always under her breath and only ever loud enough for me to hear. Her comments were utterly vile.

    I knew I couldn't scream at her/punch her or demonstrate my true feelings about it through the proper channels as she'd have just got a slapped wrist and a 'don't do it again'. I just waited until she had the lead in a performance and had to sing 3 solo's. I was accompanying her so I just walked on stage with the music, sat at the piano and sight-transposed them all up a minor 3rd, out of her vocal register-especially her chest belt. She looked and sounded like an utter buffoon, completely murdered the songs and looked like an idiot. No one (including her) knew what had happened, they all assumed she'd just gone to pieces with nerves.

    Should I have done it? Probably not.

    Did it make me feel like she got what she deserved? Hell yeah!
  17. I think most of us are, there's less need to in our private lives. As an adult, most of the people in your personal life are there because you want them to be. I don't involve myself with anyone I consider to be an a***. If someone intentionally behaves inappropriately towards me then in most cases they are people that i've cut out of my life permanently.
  18. Ohhhhhh yes. Subtle revenge is an art form.
    What a *** that woman was (is). I admire your restraint.
  19. Well blow me down. First g!mp (from yesterday) was asterisked out by the censor filter and now $cumbag!
  20. dominant_tonic

    dominant_tonic Established commenter

    With glee.
    Revenge every time, but within reason.
    It would have to affect just them, with no aggro caused to innocent parties.
    Not be dangerous or physically harmful in any way.
    Not illegal.
    Just make life difficult in a reasonable way?!?!?!?!
    Eg Ex who treated me very badly, causing a now well-repaired but then very painful rift in my family, found a well placed call to the tax-man as he was working cash in hand, an equally as well placed phone call to his landlord, saying he had had a woman living at his flat without permission and they could proabbly find evidence of such, and a last very well-placed phone call to the CSA with details of present employment, address etc for the kids he had I knew nothing about.
    All his own fault, and once done, I got on with it. So revenge yes. but in this sort of manner, not a goping out and slashing car-tyres etc manner. Is there a different word for it or am I fancying the difference to begin with?!


Share This Page