Hey all, I'll try and keep this as to the point as I can, I qualified Summer 2010. Got a mat cover job and began my NQT year, found a job for after Easter (also temp) but then found out I was expecting my first baby. I was very ill throughout my pregnancy, was very stressed at work (had very difficult jobs in both posts) and the doctors were telling me I was perfectly healthy - the same Doctors who had told me I was not pregnant and I did not have a fibroid (they were wrong about both). We broke up for the summer holidays and I felt a sigh of relief, summer holidays to be immediately followed by my maternity leave even though my contract expired on the last day of the summer holidays. Due to my poorliness, I had to take several days off sick (and my first teaching post began in October), so I haven't finished my NQT year yet. My baby was due in October, but after fed up of being ignored by the doctors, I took myself to the hospital to be checked over in August and 3 days later my baby girl was born by emergency C-Section 10 weeks early. Turns out I was more poorly than even I had realised. And I then developed a more serious condition after, but am now recovering well. My baby, Amélie, was doing so well, she was breathing by herself and pleasing all the doctors on the Special Care Baby Unit - there was even talk of being able to take her home earlier than usual as long as she got to the right weight. She was perfect. At 8 days old, however, she got very sick, very quickly and was transfered for an operation. We lost her the next day. Since August, my partner and I have been through hell. He is still off work sick, I was still allowed my full maternity leave thnakfully. I have found a job to start in February in a lovely school (somewhere I did one of my PGCE placements in), I am currently easing myself into work by helping as a TA in my new class in the mornings. I needed to make sure I wasn't just going to panic being around so many children - when I'm there I'm fine. But in the mornings, as I walk in, I'm having panic attacks, I'm loosing sleep, and being sick through anxiety, even though there's nothing to fear. I'm now getting very worried about starting full-time with all the teaching responsibilities to boot in Feb and I don't know what to do. Teaching is something I've always wanted to do and I do love it. I don't know if I'm just not ready, or what. I still have days where I can't get myself out of bed because I'm so low because I've lost the most important person in the world to me. Just wondered if anyone had any tips really? I'm currently getting counselling but it's not very regular and I'm on anti-depressants because the doctor seems to think I've got post-natal depression - you think? Any advice or support would be totally appreciated. Oh and the school have been so supportive and lovely - they know everything that has gone on.