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Return to work

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by mk84, May 13, 2012.

  1. mk84

    mk84 New commenter

    <address> I will be returning to a new teaching this September and my daughter is now 17months old so I have had a fairly long break. It has taken me months and months of agonising to come to the decision that I NEED to go back to work for financial reasons (big mortgage) and for my own sanity(have suffered with severe PND after loss of grandmother and job and recovery after labour/baby responsibilities).I had not anticipated how difficult it would be to leave my daughter in the care of a stranger when i start work full time. I am feeling extremely guilty, Ive lost my appetite and always feel anxious. At first i thought that i would send my little one to nursery but I feel the carers there cant give a child 1:1 attention like a mother can. Also i am not sure my daughter can handle the competitive environment of a nursery as she withdraws when another child takes a toy from and cant stand her ground.Will any one there care that she has a skin condition and stop her when she scratches andknow when shes hungry, sleepy, needing, comforting. It tears me apart that I would leave a small helpless childwho cant communicate her needs in a strange environment with strangers. Or am I making an issue out of nothing? What frustrates me is that my other half is spared this guilt and anguish and cant understand how im feeling, cos hes not there anyways because of his job. </address><address>I am thinking that maybe having somone look after her in my own home would be a better arrangement (for me, because I can control her environment and not feel so guilty and worry about her welfare) until she turns 3 and starts nursery. Im not sure how to go about arranging this.But I still cant lose the guilt and I am increasingly finding it difficullt to justify why i need to go back to work. I would be grateful if other people who have been in this situation could share how they coped with going back to work and how there children fared. </address><address>Also I am on M3 of the payscale, how do teachers afford nursery fees? If I was to put my daughter into daycare, the monthly cost would be between &pound;800-1000 depending on the nursery and i would have just under &pound;500 to live on! Do working mums actually live on this amount of money?And is it worth it?</address><address> </address><address>MK
    </address>
     
  2. mk84

    mk84 New commenter

    <address> I will be returning to a new teaching this September and my daughter is now 17months old so I have had a fairly long break. It has taken me months and months of agonising to come to the decision that I NEED to go back to work for financial reasons (big mortgage) and for my own sanity(have suffered with severe PND after loss of grandmother and job and recovery after labour/baby responsibilities).I had not anticipated how difficult it would be to leave my daughter in the care of a stranger when i start work full time. I am feeling extremely guilty, Ive lost my appetite and always feel anxious. At first i thought that i would send my little one to nursery but I feel the carers there cant give a child 1:1 attention like a mother can. Also i am not sure my daughter can handle the competitive environment of a nursery as she withdraws when another child takes a toy from and cant stand her ground.Will any one there care that she has a skin condition and stop her when she scratches andknow when shes hungry, sleepy, needing, comforting. It tears me apart that I would leave a small helpless childwho cant communicate her needs in a strange environment with strangers. Or am I making an issue out of nothing? What frustrates me is that my other half is spared this guilt and anguish and cant understand how im feeling, cos hes not there anyways because of his job. </address><address>I am thinking that maybe having somone look after her in my own home would be a better arrangement (for me, because I can control her environment and not feel so guilty and worry about her welfare) until she turns 3 and starts nursery. Im not sure how to go about arranging this.But I still cant lose the guilt and I am increasingly finding it difficullt to justify why i need to go back to work. I would be grateful if other people who have been in this situation could share how they coped with going back to work and how there children fared. </address><address>Also I am on M3 of the payscale, how do teachers afford nursery fees? If I was to put my daughter into daycare, the monthly cost would be between &pound;800-1000 depending on the nursery and i would have just under &pound;500 to live on! Do working mums actually live on this amount of money?And is it worth it?</address><address> </address><address>MK
    </address>
     
  3. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    After my first child I went back to work (on 0.5) when he was 7.5 months old. He went to a childminder then, and as she didn't look after many other kids, he got a lot of 1-2-1 attention, which was lovely. She was also really flexible, so if my husband had a rest day for example and kept our son at home with him, the CM would only charge half pay.
    I got pregnant again when he was 13 months old, and he stopped going to the CM when I went on maternity leave, when he was 21 months.
    Then I decided to send him to nursery one day a week when my daughter was 3.5 months old just so he could interact with other children more, and also I was worried as he wasn't saying much, and wasn't eating much. Plus I wanted a chance to spend time with my baby as she wasn't getting enough attention.
    Nursery did him a world of good - his speech improved so fast, and he got better at eating, plus he really enjoyed himself.
    Now i'm back at work and they both go to nursery 3 days a week and they both love it. I still have moments when i wish they didn't have to go and that they were spending the day with me, but I know they have a fantastic time there. The staff are lovely and caring and look after them so well. It does them good to interact with other children.
    As for money, I'm getting tax credits at the moment, but only because my maternity leave was over a tax year (March 31st 2011 - March 30th 2012). Next year I doubt i'll get much, if any, but by then my son will be getting his 15 free hours as he's 3 this June.
     
  4. Visit several childminders and see what you think. Sounds more your cup of tea. Can work out a little cheaper too, not that that is your main motivation i appreciate.
    Think it is natural for a mother to feel the pain of separation more than the father. I'm guessing you have spent a lot more time with her than him and he may be very used to that by now whereas it is all new for you.
    In terms of care in the home you could look for a nanny. This would prob be rather expensive. What about family? Can they do any childcare for you, even half a day?
    All the best, im back at work in two weeks and it is a daunting prospect I know .
     
  5. hdavis7612

    hdavis7612 New commenter

    When I first began looking into childcare I seriously contemplated whether is was worth it for me to go back as well. I'm on M4 and will be moving up to M5 when I return to work full-time in September, but even with that slight increase in pay have also found nursery fees to be staggering (800-1300 per month in London and no options for term time only!) and the levels of provision/staffing vary greatly. The one Nursery I found that I liked is close to home but the 8 AM opening time doesn't give me time enough to get to work and means I would have to spend extra to find a childminder to drop LO off, so even more money out the window. Any of the Nurseries I looked at near work would have meant I could drop off/pick up more easily, but they were way more expensive and seemed a bit substandard.

    Feeling like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, I have decided to go with a CM. After meeting with 6 or 7 people, I have found a lovely woman who is willing to charge me for term time only plus the bank holidays. Even better, we've worked out an arrangement where I pay the same amount each month which is mutually beneficial for both of us. We worked this out by taking the total number of teaching days plus the bank holidays and multiplying this figure by the daily rate then dividing by 12. Works out to roughly 600/month whereas otherwise I would have been paying 800 some months and zero in others, making some months feast and some famine. She only looks after one other child full-time so I know my LO will be getting fantastic 1:1. I think I've struck it lucky though as out of all the CM I interviewed, only she and one other woman were willing to charge term time only. Most wanted a retainer of half a weeks fees during the holidays. Also I found the price of CMs also varied widely (35-60 daily!) which made some of the CM more expensive than some of the Nurseries I looked at! Although I would much rather be at home with her myself, at the moment it just isn't financially feasible. I obviously can't say how my LO fared as she hasn't started yet, but when we visited on two occasions she quite happily sat with the CM which is good considering she's going through this stage of not wanting anyone but me! Also the other LO in her care seemed very content and I was able to read references from other parents, read Ofstead reports online, etc. so I know that she's qualified and well-liked. Also my gut feeling said yes :) And since I started my search well in advance of returning to work I feel like I can really enjoy these last few months with my daughter w/o stressing about where she's going to be in September.

    In regards to the financial aspect, you might want to speak to the office manager at your school or personnel in your LA as you should be eligible for childcare vouchers. I've already looked into this for myself and am able to exchange 240 of my salary every month for vouchers that are sent directly to the CM. This is taken off your pre-tax salary so you're then taxed less. I did the maths and I wind up saving roughly 1200 over the year which doesn't seem like a lot but hey every little bit helps! You can have your partner speak to his work as well as they might have something similar on offer.
     

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