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Discussion in 'Personal' started by Caroline_p3, Oct 24, 2010.
Mr Wasp is not a teacher and is in a job that allows flexitime. This means that he can have days off for DIY (apparently) when I'm at school and therefore not under his feet. He can also be at home when daughter's school has INSET and does more than his fair share of hospital appointments and sick days.
His job can be very stressful when deadlines are afoot, but at other times he can come home, chill and be ready to listen to me prattle on about my day. I thoroughly appreciate that he is a patient listener.
It is good that we are usually not both stressed at the same time.
He probably understands more about my job than I do about his. He knows not to throw away any 'old tat' - because it could well be a teaching resource - and when I was training he once sat up til 1 am to help me finish a board game for an observed lesson.
On the minus side - he does get moody if I have to do 'school work' at the weekend. However, he made me agree years ago that I would not do any on a Friday evening and I usually stick to this rule. Occasionally if he is absorbed in a rugby match on TV I can sneak on to the computer for a bit of illicit planning.
My OH is not a teacher. I am so glad that he isn't. I would not want to be married to a teacher!
I always have work to do in evenings and weekends. My job regularly prevents us from having a social life. He puts up with a lot!
I did warn him what it would be like though, as did my parents - my dad was a teacher and we hardly saw him when growing up.
Although there are other jobs that give stress and lots of extra work, in my experience teaching is far worse than most jobs for this. I have many friends who are not teachers. Once they get over the 'oh are you on holiday again?' question they then realise that I work really long hours and am unavailable for social events during term time.
Mr Chillie is a Software Engineer but then again I am not a proper teacher. i work in FE and don't have to work in evenings (but don't get holidays either). I do get stressed when learners have exams coming up and I do get pressure to deliver i.e. wave my magic wand over someone who has for whatever reason not done well at school. He listens to moans and gripes but then again I listen to his too.
Sounds like a good judge to me
As much as I'd love my husband to have more holidays as he only get the statutory allowance,I'd hate him to be off for all school holidays. I love the fact he goes to work at 7am and I can just turn over and stay in bed for the whole day if I want to.
As for teaching talk at home,I can't think of anything worse!
I think you need to re think your life and how ' too much work and no play' really is a true - ism. You cannot go on like this. You will burn out really quickly.(I take it you are a young teacher with lots of energy) If your relationship works with a person who is not a teacher -fantastic. My husband works in an office and he loves to hear my tales from the 'chalkface'. Equally i love his stories and we get on well 99% of the time. i do hear myself say from time to time ' you cannot really understand what it's like to be a teacher until you become one( oh how tired I am how stressed..... blah blah...' that applies to all jobs though. You need to slow down a bit and work to live more.... and enjoy you free time too!
I am currently doing my PGCE and my partner is training to be a barrister. I have someone to come home to who completely understands what it is to work from early hours am to very late pm. We always seem to have time to listen to each other talking about our days. Although our professional areas are not exactly the same, we both work hard and relate on that aspect.
If I were you I wouldn't let the opinions of others make you doubt what is probably a very happy relationship, if you are getting home from work at that time in the evening then that needs to be your cut off point for yourself and your partner!!!
Best of luck :0)
Well both My girlfriend and I are primary school teachers in our third yea. We have both funnily taught Y3 for all 3 years.
Now we do talk about work at home and from about 3pm on sunday tend to be working - which works well as we both do it.
We're not even up when you leave and are just getting into the shower about an hour later but thats the price you pay for working in inner london and not living there - you choose that to get more money and pay less in rent etc.
We will both arrive home between 5 and 6 most days like normal work people although could then spend an hour or so later marking or laminating.
It works well for us.
But i understand what your saying - with some friends we have a boys night - now im a teacher, another works in the LA to do with education and the 3rd is an ICT tech in a school and now doing a GTP in the same school to be a teacher.
Now the 4th person has nothing to do with education and has attually stopped coming a lot as he gets fed up of the convo turning to teaching.
But is this any different to the same 3 people all sharing a hobby (which we do) and the 4th person not being interested in it.
I can't blame him! As a teacher myself I would get pretty hacked off if nights out ended up with the conversation turning to teaching...how dull!
My husband isn't a teacher and I think that helps me to get away from work. He
will listen when I talk about school. He went to school so he
understands and he cares about me so he pays attention. It isn't what
we talk about all the time though.
Same here...and it works a treat! I have never enjoyed a relationship with a fellow teacher as all we'd talk about is school. That's very dull and even worse when you work int he same school together.
That being said, love is where you find it or rather, we it finds you
It will NOT get easier but you will have to ration your time with school otherwise you will have no 'me' time. I have been in the profession 37 years, brought up a family, worked 70 hours a week in the past, been an HOD, worked in state and the private sector including primary, middle, secondary, grammar and independent private selective. Now I have slowed down and am enjoying a slower pace and beginning to do what I want to do. If I had continued at a fast rate I would have many health issues. I love sport and crafts and em enjoying now the benefits of grandchildren. Try not to burn yourself out!
My wife isn't a teacher, she's a nurse & I think she probably works longer hours than me.
We don't have issues over holidays since she gets the equivalent of 7 weeks off! (thanks to long service bonus days and working bank holidays etc.)
Basically we both work long hours, for less than we're really worth but enjoy our jobs so stick with them
I agree with Happy Workaholic: it must come down to the quality of the relationship and the attitudes of the couple concerned. My non-teacher, works-from-home husband has put up with a lot of **** over many years: my work-related stress which has reached crisis point a couple of times, all those hours spent marking and preparing, talking over problems, general moaning ... but also all the funny stories, the positives. He is able to see things from a different perspective which helps me to do that too. I do the same for him. I think it helps that he's very committed to his work too, and understands my committment. We've also got three kids, other interests and, well, a life. Sorry to sound corny, but it comes down to loving and looking after each other in the end. (Aarghh - how smug do I sound? I'm very lucky and boy do I know it).
In our school the Head has had a relationship with most of the single teachers - he thinks of them as his hareem!!!!
I'm halfway through teacher training, having worked as a cover supervisor beforehand. My ex works in an insurance company. My marriage broke down at least partly because he didn't understand what it's like being in teaching/education. He saw my funny stories (I worked in a very tough school) as me "competing" with him for the worst day at work, when I thought we were just unwinding and laughing wryly over our day. As a result he bottled up all the pressure he was under, began drinking heavily, and finally had a nervous breakdown. I tried to support him and help him as much as I could, including finding out about counselling services, but he takes this as lack of trust on my part, or me looking down on him because he's "not as smart as me" (his words), and other paranoid nonsense.
I don't know if it would have been better / avoidable if he had been a teacher, but quite a few fellow trainees are experiencing problems with unsupportive husbands/boyfriends. I'd say if you made it through training with your relationship intact, you'll probably be okay - but you do need to sort out your work hours. I changed career because of the thankless 100hr working weeks I had in my previous career - I'm not planning to repeat that pattern in teaching.
Having worked in both education and social work, husband in an entirely different profession, I have to say it was the later post that was far more difficult and stressful to deal with in a long term relationship. I could not even discuss my day with him and still can't despite having retired 7yrs ago.
How partners deal with their opposite numbers chosen career is very much down how much give, take and respect they have for each other
I have to be honest Caroline you sound a little selfish. If you are leaving for work at 6:30 and returning 12 hours later, can you blame your boyfriend for not being that interested in your day since you've been there for 12 hours. Perhaps he would like time with you, since he clearly doesn't get much, without you talking about school.
My girlfriend is a teacher and we teach in the same school, sometimes the problem is that we don't seem to get away from school even at home.
Just my opinion but home is home and school is school. Can you imagine if you hardly saw your boyfriend and then when he was at home he talked to you about work?!!?!?
So many relatively new posters brought out of the woodwork by what is, to me at least, a very interesting topic, partly due to the fact that I'd never given it much thought until now. Mr Kibosh is also in a soft-end job, but unlike me, his work finishes the second he walks out of his last clients door. He works with people at risk of homelessness for a charity, it's much like Social Work, but not for the local authority.
We can both relate to many aspects, if not all, of each other's jobs. He sometimes expresses frustration at what he sees as me 'going the xtra mile' for work, when I'm just a supply teacher. He does understand the reasons I do this. He also goes the extra mile for clients, occasionally putting his back out (agony) becaue he offered a free removal service in his own van, yet again. I understand why, through gritted teeth and a wry smile. Both of us are soft as, when it comes down to it.
We are both hypocrites for the same reason too. I don't want him to be so caring towards others (stop moving furniture for people) and he doesn't want me to care so much (stop doing all this unpaid work when you don't even have a job) But we love each other for the fact that we are caring. This dychotomy is the root of many of our mutual **** taking sessions, in-jokes etc.
Having respect, if not the full understanding, for our partners daily grind is another pathway, amongst many, to cherish and love them. Bless the other half!!
My husband is not a teacher, neither am I any more. However he has always worked longer hours than I ever did, brings home work most nights and is often away. Tonight he is in London doing an interview, starting at 7pm, will drive home and then get up at 5am to go to Norway for a meeting and be home in the evening!! The thing that irritated him the most about teachers, and still does, is that when they are together they talk about work/school/the kids non stop. I have spent a lot of time with his work colleagues and they rarely talk about work. Teacher relationships are great in that couples have the holidays together, can be with their children together and often are happy to share the days events together.
No relationship is ever the same though so hard to compare.