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Relationships - teachers v non-teachers

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Caroline_p3, Oct 24, 2010.

  1. Caroline_p3

    Caroline_p3 New commenter

    So, a few weeks ago some collegues of mine got me thinking. They were talking about a friend who had recently broken up with her boyfriend, the conversation then turned to teachers being in relationships with partners who aren't in the teaching profession and how that makes it even harder.
    Most people in my department 3/4 are in relationships with another teacher and i have heard that being in one with a non-teacher is hard because of the long hours we work and the constant stress we are under. Non-teachers simple don't understand and are not interested in our day, or what class did this or that or how your lesson plan suddenly clicked etc etc.
    Now at the time i thought rubbish (i am an NQT) last year i continued happily with my relationship of 7 years, and it gave me invaluable support i needed at that time. Now i am doubting myself and this conversation i heard keeps playing in the back of my mind. I work from leaving the house at 6:30 am and don't return till 7/8/9 o clock at night (i am a PE teacher in London, i commute and do lots of fixtures etc after school) my time at home is limited and then when i am at home i feel anything school related i talk about it not cared about.
    What are your views on this topic?
  2. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    My husband isn't a teacher and I think that helps me to get away from work.
    He will listen when I talk about school. He went to school so he understands and he cares about me so he pays attention. It isn't what we talk about all the time though. I don't want to listen to him talk about making furniture all night either!
    He does get frustrated when I have teacher friends over and the conversation gets too work dominated. I try to make sure that doesn't happen, or doesn't go on for too long.
    Lots of people have successful relationships with non-teachers.
  3. I also like that my boyfriend is not a teacher. He listens to me and particularly enjoys my comical stories but I dont spend my free-time in work mode :)
    You seriously need to consider your workload. I start at a similar time to you but leave at about 4.30, with no more than an hour or so work to do each night in prep for the next day. I do realise that your PE means you have other commitments but your working hours are insane.
  4. If you are with someone who loves you then they will take an interest in your life no matter what your or their job

    I am with a software engineer
  5. My OH isn't a teacher and it works just fine. I'm sure he probably gets fed up with my school stories but he does a good job of pretending to listen!
    Mind you, my work stays pretty much at school. I don't do school stuff at home unless absolutely essential.
  6. laffal0t

    laffal0t New commenter

    My Hubby isn't a teacher. It's fine.. He gives me a non teacher perspective on things.
  7. Me too PFF now I have settled into the job! I remember reading your comments when I was an NQT though and thinking "How on earth does she do it?!" because everything took so much longer and I used to umm and ahh about every little classroom decision.
    I do think not getting home until 9 at night is beyond ridiculous though...A lot of people work alot at home but there is a difference when you are in your own home and can have tea breaks and a nice hot bath etc..Not getting home until that time will eventually cause health/mental/relationship issues and really needs looking at to see what she can change.
  8. SleighBelle

    SleighBelle Occasional commenter

    My blokey is a freelance journalist, gets up at 11ish and works from home.
    Although I am hugely jealous of his lifestyle, he always listens to me when I moan on about work, doesn't resent me having to mark in the evenings and knows that I just cannot bear to talk or listen to anyone for about half an hour upon arriving home.
    On the flipside, he usually gets very busy during school holidays when the writers with children take time off, meaning we rarely get to go away together. We have different sleeping patterns (in term time- summer holidays, I get back into my nightowl-ism) which usually means I go to sleep before him.
    Four years down the line, we're still together so must be doing something right? I'm not sure I could cope with being in a relationship with another teacher!
  9. Caroline_p3

    Caroline_p3 New commenter

    It is good to hear all these success stories! i need to listen to my own life and not what other people believe!
    As for the not getting home till 9 o clock at night, yes it is tiring etc but this only happens twice a week where i go straight from work to play my own sport. Then the other 3 nights i get in at roughly 7pm if i have a fixture after school. I never really take work home with me (work only one day at weekend) and i have heard it can only get easier as i am still an NQT?
  10. different strokes etc
  11. I would be dead on my feet if I was getting in from work from 7pm onwards!
  12. Caroline_p3

    Caroline_p3 New commenter

    it is just part of being a Pe teacher, everyone in my department does a long day, mine is slightly longer because i commute. I have become used to it to be honest and now feel lost when i have nothing to do as i like to be busy!
  13. My first husband was in the TV industry (technical) so was neither a teacher nor a musician (like me). My second husband is a teacher and a musician. There have been pros and cons to both. Lack of understanding from husband #1 about the workload (weird considering his is one of the most pressurised I've encountered!) but he was interested about the content of my days. Husband #2 is a laid back HE lecturer and doesn't understand my role. Swings and roundabouts I think.
    Couldn't have been TOO bad though as I was married for 16 years to #1 and it's 9 years and counting to #2.
  14. My ex-husband was not a teacher.... neither was I when we got married... Then I went back to uni and got my teaching qualification...
    Once I started teaching he hated talking about anything that I had done at school during the day. He refused to socialise with teachers and that included accompanying me to parties. He resented the time I spent on school stuff.
    My being a teacher was actually one of the reasons we fell out prior to us splitting up. I took a group overseas and it was huge part of my life leading up to the trip (planning and fundraising) - then after it he got angry every time I mentioned the trip.
    My current partner is not a teacher either, but he is a mature student so has more of an understanding of what's going on... we haven't had any problems so far...

  15. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    Doesn't it just depend on the quality of the relationship, regardless of the job?
    There were lots of reasons why I broke up my last relationship with a non-teacher. Some of them were related to work - for example (sticking to the lighter end of the scale), he'd often spout off in a loud voice about the State Of Education and wouldn't listen to my (imo, better-informed!) views, he expected me to do most of the housework on account of the holidays and he wasn't really interested in my job.
    That wasn't to do with me being a teacher and him not, though. It was because he could be a bit of a know-it-all, he didn't give much thought to the Fair Division Of Labour and wasn't particularly interested in aspects of my life that didn't directly relate to him. It would've been just the same if I'd been a dustwoman.
    (Feel honour-bound to add that he is really very nice and I'm still very fond of him).
    I think that the stress and intensity of term-time for teachers can put a strain on relationships, as can the crash-and-burn pattern over holidays and working in the evenings. But I think that if your relationship is worth having then it's worth working to overcome those things. If you don't then it probably wasn't worth having in the first place. And surely any relationship takes some sort of compromise and effort?
    Short answer, if you're happy then you're happy - and BE happy, don't listen to other people's opinions on whether you should be or not.
  16. Hear, hear to that!
  17. Despite the fact that ex was very understanding ( non teacher) took kids out when I needed to do school work etc. we did eventually split up. I have been in a relationship for 14 years with a teacher ( we're now both heads) and it works really well. We have total empathy for each other's roles and can help and support each other. It works for us and we don't talk shop all the time just when we need to.
  18. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    My wife was not a teacher and we married shortly after i started teaching.She worked in an office after giving up a bookeeeping a private secretary role to join me.When the kids came we decided she should stay at home and that has suited her.
    She put up with a lot but cured me of working at home and or bringing 'problems' home.
    now 30 plus years later she stil puts up with my odd groans and moans of supply work, although to be honest i learnt not to tel her! lol....but we do talk and discuss nearly all other things,
  19. My boyfriend of three years is a project manager for a building firm and I love the fact that we have different jobs. Hearing about the rubbish he has to put up with in his job is actually refreshing and stops me moaning so much about mine. I think that, as teachers, we often forget that many private sector jobs are just as stressful as ours but without the holidays.
  20. I would be inclined to say that there are many private sector jobs that are more stressful than teaching!
    If a relationship is going to work it will work regardless of what jobs people do. There is no hard and fast rule that teachers work better with other teachers and don't succeed with non teachers!

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